nekokoban: (IM A RITER)
( Feb. 28th, 2008 04:03 pm)
S-so, okay. I have to write my [livejournal.com profile] imaginarybeasts story and get it in by ... March 9th. Yikes.

The original idea I had, sadly, is not panning out -- apparently modern settings just don't work for me. :\ BUT THERE WAS ANOTHER FLIPPET THAT I WAS CONSIDERING that I think I can hack into some semblance of shape!

--Only. Because the theme of the issue is gendertwist, w-what I want to do is name the male character (who's been unnamed for as long as I've been kicking this idea around) "Phoenix." Since I dunno, games and all aside, I personally think of phoenixes as a feminine presence/image. Please note that this would have absolutely no connection with the Phoenix Wright games at all; it's just that the female character is a dragon, so I'm wondering if I could/should pull off the male one being a phoenix. :|

SO I TURN TO YOU, MY WISE AND WONDERFUL FLIST.

EDIT: BELATEDLY. If you vote "N," suggestions would be kind of awesometastic. :|b

[Poll #1146176]
nekokoban: (here come the drums here come the drums)
( Jan. 8th, 2008 01:32 pm)
Okay, seriously: is the internet just sort of deadsies recently? Noooooo, how will I stay entertaiiiiiined~ Or have I just somehow developed a really skewed view of how things are because my short-term memory is not unlike a gerbil on crack? I swear to fishes and cake that things just sort of ... dropped, just a little before the new year. It's like everyone went into celebratory drunken orgies early and haven't yet woken up from the post-holiday hangovers. :(

EITHER THAT or I have evolved into a being that lives time faster than the rest of the world, so that five real seconds is five hours to me. Both are about equally likely, especially knowing my attention span. :\

A-also, I swear the last time I looked at the people who friended me, the number was signifigantly smaller. HI EVERYONE NEW god I feel more than a little self-conscious right now, ahahaha. Um.

Since I'm about to go on lunch break, let's have a recycled meme. :|b

Ask me about a character and I will give you at least three (3) pieces of my personal fanon for said character. BONUS: with proper encouragement, I will write flashfic to expand any particular point.

And if for some truly bizarre reason people are curious to ask me about anything else at all, JUST HIT ME! o/ I want to get to know all you new people, but even the ones I've friended for filters haven't been posting much very recently. T_____Tb
Trufax: It is kind of hilarious to hear the people in the row over trying to remember Patrick Stewart's monologue that opens Star Trek: The Next Generation and failing, but still dutifully adding in sound effects and music as they remember. :D

I find it kind of hilarious that earlier this week I was whining at [livejournal.com profile] harukami (like I am known to do since she's yet to actually tell me to shut up *g*) about how I want to be ... not famous necessarily, not a BNF, but -- more read? Have a greater readership? when there have been at least two blowups on my flist dealing with "famous" people in fandoms. One of them is a good friend of mine; the other I don't know at all, though apparently she was in FMA fandom for a while. (Shows what I know: I wandered away from that series yeeeeears ago. Literally years, wow.)

The way fandom politcs are set up, it seems to me you'd almost have to be a BNF to be a well-known ficwriter, but it's like. I feel like at my core I am a storyteller: maybe not the best, and maybe not the most eloquent, but I literally can't go for more than an hour before I'm composing something in my head, little unconnected scenes that will never see the light of the day. Character tropes that I like but can't concievably write as often as I'd like/want, bits of dialogue that don't fit in the mouths of any character than my own -- hell, I love to summarize stories because it's like a retelling and there's actually some satisfaction in that, too.

The downside is that I am also kind of ... hm. I tell stories because I want to, but I share stories because I know people are looking. There is a line, and I'm not entirely sure I can articulate it properly. I like to make people happy by entertaining them -- hence sharing stories, but my ongoing loveaffair with smaller fandoms and obscure series tells me that I'm also okay with throwing my stuff out into the void and hope that someday, windfall will come and there'll be someone who enjoys it.

Which ... doesn't actually change the fact that I'm a bit of a whore when it comes to comments. *g* I HAVE MADE PEACE WITH MYSELF ON THIS, because I know essentially I have done all I can to actually make myself "known" on the internet -- I'm too lazy to do hardcore self-pimping ... anywhere, really, so the best I can do is keep writing as best I can, and crosspost when I remember to. I'm sure there are other things I can do, but I've hit a point where this is a ... regret that I can laugh at. I can put my chin in my hands and sigh wistfully, but when you get right down to it, I'm okay.

Because I know I'm a decent writer -- I'm not fantastic, and there are and will always be people who're leaps and bounds better, but I'm competent. I can string words together into a readable sentence and follow a plot; I pay close attention to character-language and action and occasionally freak out at anyone listening if I think I'm straying too far from what I see in canon. *g* I would hazard to say I'm even "good," even if what I excell it are quiet one-scene fics and character interactions as opposed to intricate plots and unexpected twists.

Internet fame is such a fickle thing, though; I have been interacting in online fandoms for ... what, going on twelve years now? (Holy hell, twelve YEARS.) I still am no closer to figuring out how the fandom collective thinks, and how they decide one thing is awesome and another is boring, or where the chips fall -- anywhere, really. I have loved things that I can't understand why they're not 100x more popular than they are, and looked at manias that sweep my flist and wonder what the hell everyone else is seeing that I'm not.

Part of this, I'm sure, is a vague sort of ... not really envy, not really: I know quite a number of fairly well-known (in the circles I traverse, at least *g*) writers/artists. I will be bold enough to say that I am, in fact, friends with a number of supremely talented people who are well-acknowledge, and rightfully so, for their talents. The problem is, little dusty me, I feel like the lagging kid sister who can't quiiiiite keep up, but is allowed to play simply by virtue of being small and cute, and not because I'm actually good enough.

Because yeah, I know I'm not bad! But all these people I adore and can chat comfortably with, they're BETTER. I want to be worthy of them! (This, in fact, is kind of a driving force of my life: I want to be good enough, I want to be worthy enough to make it worthwhile for the awesome people I'm friends with. Sometimes this manifests as emo angst; other times, it's an inspiration. Ultimately, I think it balances out.)

Naturally, if I were to name these folks, I'm certain most of them would look at me askance and claim they're not famous, they're not cool enough for that, blahblahblah. That is okay, though, because everyone else knows the truth. :|b

And maybe that's my problem, too! Maybe I'm too close to myself (yeah, fancy THAT) to see how I stand objectively, as the tiny tiny drop in the fandom pool that I am. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself -- but it's equally likely that I'm actually thinking too much of myself, heh.

Just. Hey -- hey, out there? If you're reading my fic and enjoying it, thank you. I would appreciate comments and I'd appreciate people talking to/friending me, but ultimately, if you read something of mine and it stays with you and hopefully not as an example of OH GOD NEVER AGAIN *g*, thank you. I'll keep working hard and trying to become a better writer, and maybe someday, I'll get to shine, too. :)
Today's post is brought to you by:

1. My lunch break
2. My nifty new chair (which was just kind of sitting there yesterday and doesn't kind of ... tilt forward alarmingly, like my old one)
3. FINALLY CATCHING UP! on GetBackers is v36 out yet?
4. [livejournal.com profile] theladyfeylene visiting this weekend and talking FMA with me

Theory One: FMA Animeverse )

Get Back the Lost Time )

... I want tactics v8 to finally arrive at Kinos so I can go buy it. D: Resolution of the lover's quarrel! OTP! Vague implications about Kantarou's dead mother! Raikou being a creepy sick bastard! The last bit of plot before Kinoshita-sensei got sick! T_____T

And lunch break's over. Back to work! ♥
Tags:
nekokoban: (Theoden's a FURRY SLUG)
( Jul. 15th, 2006 02:21 am)
It is after two in the morning and I have this sudden, unreasonable desire to watch a zombie movie. Preferably one with lots of explosions.

Two points of discussion on Organization Members I and XI:

1. Marluxia looks like someone who would be entirely at home in a series like Rose of Versaille. Less so in the rendered CG at the opening of KH2, but in the illustrations and as a sprite, yes. This makes me sad that he was not in KH2 except for that, because they totally could've used cutscenes with him for that La Resistance video.

1b. Speaking of that video -- One Day More, KH style. For the record, I've never liked either Marius or Cosette, but the parts do kind of fit well for Sora and Kairi. Of course, *I* expected they'd have RIKU as Eponine, but I guess the video was more serious than I thought it was. XD;

2. Records from the first game note that Kairi was, in fact, living in the castle at Radiant Garden as a very little girl; one assumes that Ansem the Wise must have at least KNOWN her, if not been her active responsible guardian. Which led to awful thoughts of sibling rivalry -- THE TRUE REASON XENOHART WENT ALL FOR THE DARKNESS IS BECAUSE DADDY DIDN'T LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS HE LOVED THAT GIRL. :(((((((((((((

...

.......

... So, the weirdest part of all about the whole "wanting to see a zombie movie!" thing is the fact that actually, out of all supernatural things and creepy-crawlies, I think zombies scare me the most. This I blame entirely on Resident Evil, for introducing zombies in a way that actually, uh. Makes just enough sense with all the training I did in Biochem to be really, painfully freaky. 8D The next form of the Black Death -- zombies!

In lieu of that, I may just watch more Drawn Together clips on YouTube.
I have very little poetry in my soul.

I don't mean that as a bad thing, necessarily -- just when I was little, I was too busy reading high fantasy and its hokier cousins and making up my own worlds (with some admittedly recycled plots FROM the books I read, but what can you expect when you're seven years old?), but I never got much into poetry. I've read some I like, but it's not exactly something I can pick up a book of and follow; I sort of ... not so much get bored, or lose interest, but I get distracted.

Really, when left to my own devices, my attention wanders like a butterfly on speed. My "foundations," so to speak (my fandoms/major interests) remain solid, but the rest of me -- poof. O hay, my coworkers are dueling with cardboard tubes again, that sort of thing.

I had a teacher in ... fourth grade? Who insisted we recite (and eventually memorize) a new poem every few weeks; I think that was actually my first exposure to Edgar Allen Poe (because my parents are not so fond of the gothic horror, and we learned "The Bells," which I can still ... somewhat partly recite) and T.S. Elliot and Robert Frost and a whole bunch of others. I liked them, but I hardly went haring after them because of it. (I think that's around the time I first started reading The Lord of the Rings. I was, uh. Easily distracted even then. 8D)

I even had my time where I tried my hand at poetry, very proud of myself (fifth grade? around then). I took myself Very Seriously and I wrote Great And Epic Stories In Rhyme and my teachers were impressed (or maybe they just acted that way), but uh. At least, by the time I became a teenager, I'd gotten over that stage. XD Now I just occasionally toss out "lyrics" for any band AU that's willing to take me. 8D

But today on this total random whim (because I remembered a particular line and for some reason I'm writing MaLoki fic so post-/pre-apocalyptic catchphrases, so to speak, are in my head) I went and looked up Hollow Men by T.S. Elliot. I am hardly the first person to suddenly "discover" this poem, but, uh, damn.

Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.


... today in training class we're watching Yet Another Video By The Kind Of Scary Lady Who's Just Selling Common Sense, I have a notebook and new pens (yay supply closets!) and ... uh.

Forget songfics, baybee, I ... I disavow any knowledge of future posts to follow this line of thought. [whistles]
.

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