nekokoban: (sold a thousand stories)
( Jan. 1st, 2011 02:58 am)
We rang in 2011 by playing oldschool Sonic the Hedgehog and I had a chicken-and-cheese quesadilla with apple slices. Instead of champagne I had Martinelli's sparkling apple-cranberry cider, and Sammycat was the happiest because both [ profile] rinkhals and I were sitting on the couch together and it meant he could drape on BOTH OF US AT THE SAME TIME!

If the superstition about "what you're doing at midnight is what you'll have a lot of for the next year," I think I am all right with that. :)


Dear flist:

How do you write porn without wanting to stab yourself in the eyes? Because I sure as hell do not know how. :(

THE THING IS, as a general whole, I do not think I'm a horrible writer! Not a great one either, but I'm not bad, and I can at least reread some of my old stuff and not hate it, and even now and then be pleased with some turn of phrase or this paragraph or that scene. I'm kind of rusty and out of practice right now, but once I get back into it, I mean, I'm very aware that there are people on my flist and in my general circle of personal influence who outrank me a lot in terms of sheer talent, but I don't think that also negates that I can tell a decent story when I have one!

But. But. For some reason, that does not include sex at all. It used to be a matter of embarrassment, and I guess to some degree that does still exist, but it's pretty negligible in the long run; the problem is that when I try, it feels clunky and awkward and not very much how I'd want it to be. And I think part of it is just the writing style I've settled into; I'm much better with gen--or even relationshippy stuff, just not anything physical! (To be fair, I also have this issue with fight scenes, though it's a lot easier for me to youtube awesome fight scenes to get an idea of what I want, or feel less silly when I do something blatantly unrealistic, because hey, these are canons where ridiculous fighting is often the name of the game, but at least in theory everyone I'm writing about is human and has the same basic anatomy and we can't really bend that way, or that doesn't go there, or whatever. Cry.) If I write a long story where there is a sex scene, that is the scene I am always unhappiest with--I honestly can't think of any exception to this rule. Which makes reviewing any of the essential PWPs I've written pretty weird, as I'm pretty much like :V I CAN'T TELL IF THIS IS ANYTHING BUT WEIRD. It's not like I have a problem with sex, or reading/watching material that contains it explicitly, and co-writing or RPing it isn't an issue for me! It's only when I'm by myself! :(

And I think part of the problem is that I read/used to read a handful of western media fandoms, where they are about some pretty hardcore and/or explicit stuff--there is a certain quality to those stories that I can recognize as a reader but can't really qualify--and as a writer, I can't ever seem to tap it. I'm not really big on writer-envy (there are some, both pro and non, who I would love to write more like, but not necessarily emulate their style/write EXACTLy like them), but it's something that I do wish I could manage! Or even articulate properly, since normally when I try, it ends up with a lot of handwaving and making a o____o face instead. I mean, I am more of a fan of sex as being an element for the story and the characters, not just for gratuitous "this is hot" or fanservice, but unless it's meant to be something deliberately off-putting or unpleasant (because the character is, or the situation), why not make it hot? If you can. Which is where the problem lies, for me!

HA HA HA yeah about that whole "consecutively talking about writing thing"! TWO DAYS IN (technically) and I failed. :'D I meant to do the answers on my lunch break, but I'd get distracted by other things. (Not necessarily eating, though FoodGawker is my favorite lunchtime reading, kya. WHO NEEDS COOKBOOKS. Well, okay, they're nice but that's not the point.)


2. How many characters do you have? Do you prefer males or females?

... lol. A-are we really supposed to count? HOW DO ONES YOU DEVELOPED WITH SOMEONE ELSE FACTOR IN? I mean in sheer raw tallies, even without co-creations, the number is A Lot. Scientifically, A Lot. Give me a few more weeks and one of my old textbooks and I could make it sound a lot more pretentiously scientific than that.

I prefer writing/developing female characters! Actually, to be entirely fair, I like sets, matched--a lot of my stories tend to have a pair of main characters, matched male and female, but never in a romantic sense. One of those things I have (harkening back to what I said about urban fantasy the other day) is that I really enjoy platonic male-female relationships, and friendships always trump romance in a lot of things I write. Sometimes this is not the case; hilariously, whenever I have two characters of the same gender as the main protagonists of a story, male OR female, they usually end up romantically involved versus when they're opposite genders. TRIVIA THAT IS BRAND NEW EVEN TO ME. Ultimately in stand-alone one shot stories, though--or things where there's only one central character--my main character is female 90% of the time.

Part of me suspects it comes as response to the lack of female characters I found interesting in a lot of stuff I enjoyed when I was younger (whether or not these were actually good strong characters that I appreciate now that I am older, at the time I was such a typical fanbrat)--it was very much a case of, "well, if I can't FIND any that I like, I will MAKE ones instead!" AND PERHAPS IT IS MY BIAS BUT MOST OF THEM DID NOT TURN OUT TO BE MARY SUES. The ones that were too-perfect were either left behind, or revisited and revamped to make them less of the "always right, always funny, always [x] positive trait." Some of them retain aspects, but then, I have come to think that even the Mary Sue can become an interesting and viable character, as long as the story is told right and handled well. Execution is very often make or break, when it comes to what I personally want out of something, whether as a creator or as a spectator.

Man, I need to start saving up faster for the new computer, the lack of a properly-functioning finicky keyboard at home versus the one I use at work is so different, I don't really even want to go for huge blocks of text when I'm at home. Baww. ;o;

all the questions )
nekokoban: (IM A RITER)
( Jul. 6th, 2010 01:55 pm)
Hrrrrrrr the 4th of July weekend was really good for me, in terms of RECHARGING! In that I slept a lot (including sleeping in later on Monday than I have in literally years) and did nothing more strenuous than sit around in the cold and wet waiting for fireworks. And grocery shopping; it is possibly a little sad, how much I genuinely enjoy looking at and selecting and buying food. :|a

ON THE OTHER HAND, with Life and the move and everything, I've really sort of fallen behind and given up on the whole writing thing, which is really bad. :[ I believe creativity is as much like a muscle as anything in my physical body, and my personal experience has always loaned itself to that--the more I write, the better I feel about what I've written, and the less likely I am to stare at the screen going "durrrr" with a face like this: :B I tried to write some stuff the other night and it felt so much like pulling teeth: things felt awkward and clunky, and my ambition outstripped my feelings about my ability. I'm debating on whether I should try a different schedule and see if that helps, though in my heart I know any changes I make will not really finalize and take until [ profile] rinkhals moves in. :|a

SO I AM GOING TO JUST KICK MYSELF A LOT, and I am going to steal the 30 Days of Writing Meme from [ profile] nayami and hope that actually talking about writing (especially consistently for a month) will guilt me into doing it again. And once I get started, I will keep going, and then I'll hit a point where it's not like wall+head=OTP.

nekokoban: (バカバカバカ)
( Nov. 3rd, 2009 02:17 pm)
Case in point: I normally log into work as soon as I get in and my computer is booted up! TODAY, FOR SOME REASON, I DID NOT! And as a result it was something like 9:30 (a good forty minutes after I'm in at work) and I happen to rewindow in my tabs--and oh! Hey! GUESS WHAT I HAD NOT DONE. And we can't edit our time cards, a manager has to do that, and mine's in training today--so I shoot off a quick email and am like fffff, self, you're brilliant. /o\ Luckily, I guess she had a break where she could access her email, so she fixed it for me, but. Man. :( I have never made that mistake ever, and hopefully won't make it again. ;o;

In other news, I think I have figured out what it is that always bothers me so much, the first few times I try to write fic for a new fandom: I am so bad at figuring out where to set things. :( I mean, original fiction, it's cool! It's my world and my characters, I can handwave and say it happened in the year 200X and adjust things to suit my tastes. BUT IN FANFIC! Man, I think recently I have been sort of self-conscious about writing character pieces set in the middle of a scene, which is sad, because that is something I think I am good at! It is a style and a pacing and a thingy that I am good at see how eloquent I am, durhurr! But. I sort of feel like I want to expand, and do more things that have--plots? Do stuff that stands a bit more independantly alone? BUT THEN WHERE IS PLACE. Once I'm more comfortable in a fandom, it's relatively easy to handwave places, especially when the canon itself allows for openings--but even then, it takes me a bit to get adjusted.

It's weird, because in some cases it is a matter of the character voices or the style of the narrative or any number of things--but I think it ultimately boils down to "where do I put this? does it happen before X, after Y, or can I appropriately handwave it off at Z? WHAT AM I EVEN DOING." Then there's the whole "I want to write X, but I'm pretty sure it would only have the chance to happen BEFORE the series began, but we don't have enough backstory for me to really have anything to go with, just a gut feeling and niggling inspiration." I AM LOOKING AT YOU, AYANAMI/LAB.

While I'm at it, fffff I need to start working on pacing more. Dear self, stop skipping ahead and not fleshing things out; just because things are laid out in detail in your head does not mean that the people reading can fill in the gaps. :(

NaNo wordcount stands at roughly 6050, which I am satisfied with thus far. Write or Die is my glorious, glorious friend. Especially the desktop version, where my WPM is a lot more dismal than my general typing WPM, but is still cool to look at! NEXT GOAL IS TO GET IT UP TO AT LEAST 40.

Also what is with this gorgeous, gorgeous weather we've had lately. PLEASE TO BE STAYING THIS WAY, SEATTLE! You can rain at night and be beautiful in the day, I am totally fine with this.

Also also x2: I have this sudden urge for drama CDs with Fukuyama Jun in them. I have the 07-Ghost ones, but I have no BL ones and then NOTHING ELSE. This is a tragedy! If anyone has others, I hope they will have pity on me and share. :(
* Sometimes, I really wish I could just post snippets of lyrics to my LJ without feeling ridiculous about it. And granted, I find it irritating, pretentious, or kind of dumb when I see people do it, but there are times where I am like, I really like these lyrics, I feel like repeating them and I am in the office and I cannot sing aloud. I've done it once or twice in my twitter, but I'm still sort of \O_o/ about doing it. IT FEELS SILLY. /o\

* A few weeks ago, there was a post on my flist about how dark and angsty =/= artistic merit. I would agree with this wholeheartedly, and extend that to life as well. Dear people, just because I am normally a cheerful person who just sort of floats and isn't always weighed down by the troubles of the world and my deficient personality, it does not make me stupid or childish. Your angst and drama does not make you a deeper or more worthy person than me. I will punch you in the face; then you will have physical pain to go with your spiritual, THEN WHAT. I've had this problem all my life, honestly--less with people online and more with people I know/interact with in my daily life.

It frustrates me, because sometimes, hey! I have bad days too! And then I wonder if there's a point to that attitude, if maybe it really--but then, no. No. :\ I've grown to a point where I resent the implication that I am somehow dumb because I like a happy ending, or that I will see the glass as half-full. Online, the problem is more about things you write, and the "artistic merit" of fiction itself, which ... okay, I mean, a well-done BAD END or bittersweet ending is totally cool with me. I like some stuff that's bleak! But a lot of times, it just wears me out--it doesn't make me think, it just makes me want to curl up and sleep for a week. SEE ALSO: my reaction to The Dark Knight. On its own merits, I think it was a fantastic movie, but god, it wore me out, and it didn't really make me think, because I was too busy being worn out by the relentness SHIT GOING DOWN. I liked 9 much better, because inexplicable as parts were, as spotty as the dialogue and plot sometimes was, there was hope, and I appreciated that. 9 made me think, actually, though I'd probably need to see it again before I could articulate any of it.

And okay, I have this Thing for horror stories, or endings that are weird and not entirely explained; I like Lovecraft and Poe and King. My greatest enthusiasm is for running horror stories, and not necessarily ones that are hooked on Twists And Plots, but just ... horrible things! Weird things! Monsters in the closet and things going bump in the night and the sinking feeling that the nightmare isn't over, just paused temporarily. I love stuff like that! --but I also want my happy ending, where people get through horror safe and sound, or maybe never encountered it at all. And I suppose my point is that ultimately, I don't think there is more "merit" in a story where the creeping horror drives someone insane and leaves the rest of the party with the sinking sensation that they are next vs a well-done quiet people-being-happy-and-people story. They both have their strengths, and they ping on different things, and let's face it: I feel like gratuitous amounts of ANYTHING (angst, horror, fluff, kitchen sinks) drags down the so-called intelligence level of something. Maybe there is something childlike about just letting oneself be taken into the immersion of a story, but I think the world could stand a little more of that. Sometimes we don't have to be (sometimes I don't want to be) the jaded cynical cool critic--sometimes it's nice to just be the kid who believes in everything, even if it's only forthe space of one story.

* Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with [ profile] inarticulate re: f/f pairings, only we ended up talking about genderswitch fics instead. :|a A LOT OF IT WAS ACTUALLY CONTEXTUAL, looking back on those emails, but what it really boiled down to me was: 1) dude, fandom, please realize that the touching/charged/etc/etc scenes you squee about when your two favorite waiwai prettyboys are together would still be legitimate if one of them were female because man, while I identify as female, that is only one thing of many that defines me; 2) klsdjflaheot why do I not write more gen, why do I fall into the pairing-fic trap more than I want to. :( I sort of go in cycles; sometimes I am all about reading stuff that has porn in it! and other times I'm like that's boring, why is there so much sex in fandom, can I just have a nice long casefic, please. RIGHT NOW I AM ON THE LATTER. But even in long casefic, apparently I like it when there are pairings, so is that really gen? I have no idea. \o_O/

Then we got into a tangent about Subtext and how it exists in fandom, and sob. While I am someone who tends to label on the safe side (I did not touch the huge debate that sparked a few months ago, but while I don't care particularly much as a reader, as a writer I err on the side of caution), it sort of makes me wonder--when do you label something as gen? Or as a pairingfic? If you have two characters that you-as-the-writer (or the reader) ship, and all they're doing is interacting in platonic ways, is that gen? Is it pairing? Pre-slash? Is the important thing authorial intent (which enough english majors have told me only counts for very little) or what the reader sees in it? If people have problems with NO GAY!!1 why are they reading 07-Ghost?

* \o_O/ is my new favorite emoticon.


* --Hi.
nekokoban: (for I will be there by your side)


( Sep. 8th, 2009 02:06 pm)
Man, I am clearly on one of my POST A LOT sprees for the moment. :|a Should I apologize?

What I wanted to do yesterday was write a love letter to my city: because it was raining but not dark, cool but not cold, and Westlake Center was full of people (the crazy sign-picketing Christians, the people who engage them in fights, the kids running around pellmell, everyone else--me) and I'd seen my friends and spent an entire weekend being industrious and also lazy, and finally feeling like I had the time to do all of that. It was really nice. :) --but then I got home and I was tired, so mostly what I did instead was harass my cat and flop around on my couch with the TV on.

And today I am going to talk about something totally different!

And in true me style, this will go on for a bit )
So thanks to [ profile] rivendellrose I have been listening to Heather Dale's "Trial of Lancelot" CD at work and let me tell you, things are about 50000000000x funnier if you've just finished watching the BBC Merlin. (Which I have been! I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT ON MY OWN! THIS IS AMAZING, GUYS! AMAZING!) Though it does sort of remind me of all the parts I didn't really care about for Arthurian legend--I was never a fan of the romance aspect (insert fistshaking joke at [ profile] halcyonjazz here for being FRENCH!!!! and the French being the ones who introduced the whole Arthur-Guinevere-Lancelot triangle thing), and most of the readings we did in school bored me to tears. Because a lot of them tended to be the romances, which--I don't think I have the right mindset to really let myself get immersed in really dense old text like that; I know it was traditional of the time, but that's why, despite my love of mythologies and other religious practices of long ago, I will never be a scholar. I can't hack the text and never felt the overwhelming desire to train myself to it. This may be why a lot of my friends are making wistful I-miss-school noises around me, and I'm like \o/ YEAH WORKING AND READING IN MY FREE TIME. \o/

I think I got sidetracked. :|a

However! I have learned that I have a really difficult time writing for a lot of live-action shows for whatever reason; sometimes it's that I can't hack the settings and enviroment (I have never been roadtripping across the country and Americana is a concept more than a way of life to me, and honestly most of my knowledge of classic rock comes from hanging out with [ profile] zinjadu or [ profile] katmaxwell), or the dialogue, or whatever! Even Supernatural, whose first season still has so much I really love (URBAND LEGENDS GHOST STORIES KYAA KYAA), never really clicked for me. So I wonder why it is that I actually want to write Merlin fic; I blame the fact that it does have this enormous and amazing mythological basis behind it--even if it's anachronistic and hardly historically accurate and I really have no knowledge of Britishims either \o/ it has that kind of actual history connected to it. IDK, I'm still puttering at that Hetalia/Merlin crossover. And reading a ton of fic; given the time my attention wanders at work I think I have made a pretty damn good effort to read everything that mildly interests me in the fandom. THIS IS BAD NEWS, GUYS! IT MEANS I GET BORED AND THEN I WHINE A LOT BEFORE WRITING STUFF MYSELF. And if I do that people should point me to--resources that I can read up for research, because at least I can be anachronistically correct, if historically incorrect. :(

In other news, man, I feel like I should use my DW more, especially since there are a handful of people I am very fond of who've rather permanently moved there, but. I almost feel like I should do something different with it--less of important all my stuff from my LJ to my DW (though I suppose I could :|a), but it's like buying a shiny new notebook at the store--you want to put NEW stuff in it! cool stuff! fancy stuff! but there's only so much content in my head and also remembering to USE it. My life is a series of mildly-humorous or -irritating events loosely connected by good moods and occasional emo, so there's not really much to talk about, there. Ahhhhhh. /o\


My cat is so cute, guys. SO CUTE. I should take more pictures of him and force them upon the internet.
nekokoban: (Let's go adventure today)
( Oct. 1st, 2008 04:38 pm)
Twenty minutes left and I still don't know if I want to go home or not before the concert. Buuuuu.

So I spit something out like this, instead. I blame Imaginary Beasts. )
Trufax: It is kind of hilarious to hear the people in the row over trying to remember Patrick Stewart's monologue that opens Star Trek: The Next Generation and failing, but still dutifully adding in sound effects and music as they remember. :D

I find it kind of hilarious that earlier this week I was whining at [ profile] harukami (like I am known to do since she's yet to actually tell me to shut up *g*) about how I want to be ... not famous necessarily, not a BNF, but -- more read? Have a greater readership? when there have been at least two blowups on my flist dealing with "famous" people in fandoms. One of them is a good friend of mine; the other I don't know at all, though apparently she was in FMA fandom for a while. (Shows what I know: I wandered away from that series yeeeeears ago. Literally years, wow.)

The way fandom politcs are set up, it seems to me you'd almost have to be a BNF to be a well-known ficwriter, but it's like. I feel like at my core I am a storyteller: maybe not the best, and maybe not the most eloquent, but I literally can't go for more than an hour before I'm composing something in my head, little unconnected scenes that will never see the light of the day. Character tropes that I like but can't concievably write as often as I'd like/want, bits of dialogue that don't fit in the mouths of any character than my own -- hell, I love to summarize stories because it's like a retelling and there's actually some satisfaction in that, too.

The downside is that I am also kind of ... hm. I tell stories because I want to, but I share stories because I know people are looking. There is a line, and I'm not entirely sure I can articulate it properly. I like to make people happy by entertaining them -- hence sharing stories, but my ongoing loveaffair with smaller fandoms and obscure series tells me that I'm also okay with throwing my stuff out into the void and hope that someday, windfall will come and there'll be someone who enjoys it.

Which ... doesn't actually change the fact that I'm a bit of a whore when it comes to comments. *g* I HAVE MADE PEACE WITH MYSELF ON THIS, because I know essentially I have done all I can to actually make myself "known" on the internet -- I'm too lazy to do hardcore self-pimping ... anywhere, really, so the best I can do is keep writing as best I can, and crosspost when I remember to. I'm sure there are other things I can do, but I've hit a point where this is a ... regret that I can laugh at. I can put my chin in my hands and sigh wistfully, but when you get right down to it, I'm okay.

Because I know I'm a decent writer -- I'm not fantastic, and there are and will always be people who're leaps and bounds better, but I'm competent. I can string words together into a readable sentence and follow a plot; I pay close attention to character-language and action and occasionally freak out at anyone listening if I think I'm straying too far from what I see in canon. *g* I would hazard to say I'm even "good," even if what I excell it are quiet one-scene fics and character interactions as opposed to intricate plots and unexpected twists.

Internet fame is such a fickle thing, though; I have been interacting in online fandoms for ... what, going on twelve years now? (Holy hell, twelve YEARS.) I still am no closer to figuring out how the fandom collective thinks, and how they decide one thing is awesome and another is boring, or where the chips fall -- anywhere, really. I have loved things that I can't understand why they're not 100x more popular than they are, and looked at manias that sweep my flist and wonder what the hell everyone else is seeing that I'm not.

Part of this, I'm sure, is a vague sort of ... not really envy, not really: I know quite a number of fairly well-known (in the circles I traverse, at least *g*) writers/artists. I will be bold enough to say that I am, in fact, friends with a number of supremely talented people who are well-acknowledge, and rightfully so, for their talents. The problem is, little dusty me, I feel like the lagging kid sister who can't quiiiiite keep up, but is allowed to play simply by virtue of being small and cute, and not because I'm actually good enough.

Because yeah, I know I'm not bad! But all these people I adore and can chat comfortably with, they're BETTER. I want to be worthy of them! (This, in fact, is kind of a driving force of my life: I want to be good enough, I want to be worthy enough to make it worthwhile for the awesome people I'm friends with. Sometimes this manifests as emo angst; other times, it's an inspiration. Ultimately, I think it balances out.)

Naturally, if I were to name these folks, I'm certain most of them would look at me askance and claim they're not famous, they're not cool enough for that, blahblahblah. That is okay, though, because everyone else knows the truth. :|b

And maybe that's my problem, too! Maybe I'm too close to myself (yeah, fancy THAT) to see how I stand objectively, as the tiny tiny drop in the fandom pool that I am. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself -- but it's equally likely that I'm actually thinking too much of myself, heh.

Just. Hey -- hey, out there? If you're reading my fic and enjoying it, thank you. I would appreciate comments and I'd appreciate people talking to/friending me, but ultimately, if you read something of mine and it stays with you and hopefully not as an example of OH GOD NEVER AGAIN *g*, thank you. I'll keep working hard and trying to become a better writer, and maybe someday, I'll get to shine, too. :)
BOOYAH 50K! \o/ I passed the line something like thirty seconds before we crossed from 11/29 to 11/30, it was kind of awesome. XD NOW I HAVE TWENTY-FOUR HOURS TO: a) be proud of myself and b) write more. ... well, more than twenty-four hours since the story's so not done (we're getting there! 30K more words at the most, I think), but regardless of that -- yay! I was worried I wouldn't this year, which would've been disappointing considering my strong start, but I made it. :D

On a semi-related note -- and hell, on a fandom note -- I've got a question. Why is the kick-ass servant always a guy? I mean, yeah, we've got our share of slavishly-devoted maids alongside her hapless master, possibly one of many vying for his lukewarm attentions, and maybe they were possibly cool in the past! But never in the present-day of the series.*

* I acknowledge that I am TOTALLY GENERALIZING here. Not all maid-series are harem, but enough of them are that they set my teeth on edge. ... not that, to be honest, it takes a lot with harem series; I don't care if it's boy-focused or girl-focused, harem shows DRIVE ME INSANE and not in any good way. :\

This is mostly because I've been actually close-reading the two volumes of Black Butler I bought ... a month ago? Two months ago? Either way -- that, alongside rereading volumes of Godchild for the fics I wrote, and then Hellsing popping up at a disturbingly regular rate in my gmail sponsored links, it's just. The cool servant is always a guy. Why can't it be a girl -- and not a SEXY girl, not a girl whose bosoms are falling out of her shirt, but decently-pretty (or maybe cute) in the way 99% of animanga characters are, who gets to occasionally flip out and kill people and make embarrassingly subtextual declarations of devotion to her master (male or female, I don't care)?

... or does this sort of thing exist, and I just. Not know about it? o_oa

It's just -- I like the concept, so much, of a seemingly innocuous servant having a great deal of emotional power and/or physical power over the master; I like the weird yes-no-what balance of it. I like the idea of a demon-girl who isn't primarily designed to be sexy-appealing or cute-appealing, but just sort of -- is there, dressed normally for whatever time period, and maybe occasionally has the seals on her power released so she can FLIP OUT LIKE NINJA AND KILL THINGS. And rather than be cute or sexy, she could just look effing BAD ASS instead.

This ... this may have to be next year's NaNo project. :|b

(When you consider that a huge driving force of certain characterizations in this year's NaNo is based on another thing I always like to see but never find -- that is to say, absolutely loving/devoted AND COMPLETELY PLATONIC male-female friendships -- I. Think I could maybe do it? Good thing I've got a year to think up the plot, hahahaha.)

WHICH IS NOT TO SAY THAT I DON'T LIKE WHAT THERE IS. Frankly, the hugest saving grace Hellsing had for me was the push-pull-is-isn't relationship that Integra and Alucard had (keeping in mind that I only saw the anime, yonks and yonks ago). I have this gigantic semi-secret fangirl crush on Godchild/Count Cain in all its gloomy, atmospheric, ultimately doomed glory, and a lot of that is the Cain/Riff balance. Black Butler is totally making me giggle and I think I kind of want to be Sebastian when I grow up. Only, you know, less with the shota because I'm not into that. Maybe a grownup guy instead.

(Though I have already told one of my coworkers I'd be a ninja when I grew up; she promised she'd be my pirate rival. :Db)

It's just. These are the things I think about, which may or may not be my contribution to ANYTHING other than. Killing time while waiting for my food to heat.
Three months late, I start thinking "maybe one of my new year resolutions should be to post more often! because I have paid space/icons" -- but I've done this before and that never panned out, but I can't actually TALK right now, so. In writing it goes!

The problem with following anything that has a developing canon is that it is so easy to suddenly find 500+ half-formed ideas going BOOM in a dramatic flash of gunpowder plot.

(Now that I think about it, though, I think pretty much with the exception of my earliest baby fandoms, all of the stuff I've followed enough to want to fic were things I followed as-happening. God knows I hung on to the bitter end of the FMA anime, and even though I'm still collecting the manga as it comes out, I've been thoroughly distracted.)

In some fandoms, this was not so bad -- GetBackers, for example! I am undergoing a revolution, I miss my old dorklove now that it's gone. ._. For some reason not knowing who the fourth King of the Volts was never bothered me (beyond a "C'MON TELL ALREADY" sort of way). ... Then again, I always theorized it was an already-established character, and it turned out to be someone entirely new. XD; Or hell, the way no one stays dead -- except maybe Saizou, but I forget if Ginji fixed that too.

Or in tactics, where the whole thing's a little more tricky -- they've been doling out little hints here and there about Haruka's past, and recently there was that whole wtf-curveball about Kantarou's mother (was it a nightmare or a memory? WE DO NOT KNOW), or even the implication that Raikou's name was originally something different. (And given how big a deal names are in that series, what the hell does this mean.)

But it's still not so bad -- maybe because mostly, I was in both fandoms for a while before the left-fielders started showing up. It's one thing if you're comfortable with the developing canon and THEN the WTFs start happening (though I am persistantly stubborn -- it takes me a lot to start something, but when I do, by-god I will follow it through; the only series in recent memory I've dropped is Higurashi, but that's because it keeps blue-screening my computer).

It's another when you sort of drop into things just as the bombshells start falling. (Which is also to say, OH MY GOD GOOD-BYE MY IDEAS. Is Tsubasa a weekly serial? I know it runs in Shounen Magazine, but I only bought that for GetBackers, which I'm pretty sure was monthly. But, uh. Aiee.)


In other news, I have reached the disgusting/painful stage of illness recovery where swallowing is sort of like dull knives in my throat and I keep wanting to work on ridiculously pretentious all-over-the-place Okami fic (file title: the courtship of amaterasu and ushiwaka) rather than pretty much ANY of my challenges. :(


P.S. I love BPAL's grapefruit note, but it makes me sad that it never lasts when I wear it. D: The currants and musk are really nice, but ... grapefruit. D:

P.P.S. I have homemade lime bars and you don't! Nyah~♥
Seriously, though, [ profile] maymargret is an awesome cook
nekokoban: (o____o)
( Mar. 16th, 2007 04:02 pm)
Occasionally, you know, I think my problem is -- now and then, I want to write really big, really dramatic!, really sharply-in-my-head scenes ... without the benefit of all the buildup. Sometimes, I don't WANT to write the 6000+ words that will lead to a certain exact scene where I can use the specific turn of phrase I have in my head; I don't want to wait.

I like my instant gratification, damnit! :<

This gets especially bad when I start reading/looking around in new fandoms -- because then there's just this whole GLUT of THINGS I WANT TO PLAY WITH! but at the same time, there's that whole "but this is a new fandom, do I know what I'm talking about no I don't, shut up me" that happens. Dramatic moments (I find) work better if they're built up to, buuuut ...

Sometimes, I just want the flash and the bang and the rabbit leaping out of the hat, and skip the hocus-pocus wand-waving beforehand.

--this message brought to you by: it's Friday, it's two hours (maybe) till my weekend, and the fact that I am entirely lame and nearly two years after a friend lent me the volumes I started reading Tsubasa and fell harder and faster than I thought I would. T______T

Also, the letter R. As in, "arrrrrrrgh."
HYPOTHESIS: The reason the creature known as the "rabid fangirl" seems to take a completely skewed vision of canon as opposed to the "regular fangirl" is because once they fixate upon a character and/or pairing, they will skip ahead through the pesky burdensome things known as "plot" and "other developments" just to see the sole part they are interested in. Should there be gaps that cannot be avoided, the overactive "rabid fangirl" imagination will proceed to take dramatic bits and pieces from OTHER canons she follows (such as from daytime/drama TV, where one cannot fast-forward unless it's a recording), vague spoilers read from other sources, and cobbles things together in order to maintain the fantasy.

(... man, why couldn't I have written such long-winded and overly-mincing things when I was trying to do my actual lab writeups, huh? :<)

This is to say that I read pretty much all of Earl Cain why did it get translated as "Count"? Is this some nobility title thingit I'm unaware of, that they're the same rank? over the weekend, started on Godchild, and sort of ... found myself ... skipping. TO THE VERY END, though I'm now going back and actually reading-for-plot. XD; it's this unfortunate habit I think I picked up from my dad -- when he picks up a new book, he reads the first page, then the last page, and then commences regularly from start to finish. I, I like knowing how things resolve! T_T Unfortunately, with Godchild, I feel like I lost a lot~ of context, so. A more careful reading is now in order!

On the other hand, Cain and Riff sort of remind me of what Frodo and Sam* would have been like, post-Quest, if you know. They'd had an uncomfortably co-dependant and desperate relationship that definitely crossed borders of proprietry in the "Victorian England" setting and probably they never did anything, but it's that sort of "if it even occured to them and social boundaries didn't stop them, they would" kind of thing.

... I seem to have this thing for "improper" master-and-servant relationships where the servant is physically stronger/taller/more stable(?!) than the master, and the master is probably more dependant on the servant than the other way around. SEE ALSO Haruka/Kantarou.

Now all I need are some really crappy diagrams drawn on graph paper, and I will have a MASTERPIECE the likes of which I never turned in to my professors in lab. Ahahahahah.

*When I was very small, and I'd read Lord of the Rings for the first time -- in a time before I even knew boys could like boys or girls could like girls (I was maybe six or seven at the time?) I was always very very DDDDD: about how Sam and Frodo ended up. Then I got older and I discovered slash and honestly with those two it sort of twigs me but at the same time some six-year-old part of me says but WHY did Frodo have to go, why couldn't Sam have gone with him RIGHT AWAY? Rosie could come too! --that sort of thing.

ETA because I was just reminded while wandering into the kitchen one of my roommates has an amaryllis plant that has, in just the last week, shot up signifigantly. It was sort of like I'd just sort of completely forgotten its existence, because it had been there for so long, unchanging -- just a bulb in some dirt. But a few nights ago, while I was making dinner and washing a few dishes, I looked up, and it had gone SPROING! From out of that bulb now sprouted two long green stems, with a pointed oval bulb at the end of each.

"What the hell IS that?" I asked.
"That," said one of my roommates, completely deadpan, "is a dildo plant. Look, see how there's two of them? They're snuggling."

[ profile] qara_isuke is totally my hero, because she sent me video links for the Silent Hill games, even if last night after I turned off my computer and all the lights, I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling and thought, "they are going to EAT ME and tomorrow my housemates will just find some bloodstained clothes (and possibly a single bone) in my bed."

Then I zonked out and obviously that didn't happen, hello everyone!

But she is obvious proof that I'm not the only person who heartmarks Silent Hill and Kingdom Hearts in a but-you-COULD-mix-them! way, or at least she's willing to indulge me as I alternately go :D XO D: at her.

She also gave a fantastically brilliant idea based mostly on the mythos of Silent Hill 2 -- i.e., if the monsters are all simply a reflection of your own guilt and darkness, then Kairi will see nothing except the occasional dark shadow (from her connection with Namine), Riku would, at some point, have close encounters of the stabbydeath kind with Pyramid Head, but Sora, who is now fully integrated with Roxas, such as memories and thoughts cross over and mingle ...

Sora would see members of the Organization in the monsters. 8D Sort of like the Victims in Silent Hill 4, in a way. )

I wonder if one could replace the other smaller actual monsters (not ghosts, like the Victims) with regular Nobodies/Heartless. I mean, thwack a Dusk and it falls to the ground and writhes away to try and get behind you to hit you; shoot a Lying Body and it falls as well, then slithers up and tries to bite your ankles off with rotted teeth.


This will be awesome practice for the survival horror game beastiary-in-progress, too. :D

(And LJ! You're letting me see icon keywords again! I ♥ you!)
nekokoban: (lalalala)
( Jul. 8th, 2006 12:15 am)
Writing thought-process: orichara and fandom sorts )

... and now I'm off to figure out a plausible way to finagle Roxas!Sora to have sex with Axel. THE END.
I have very little poetry in my soul.

I don't mean that as a bad thing, necessarily -- just when I was little, I was too busy reading high fantasy and its hokier cousins and making up my own worlds (with some admittedly recycled plots FROM the books I read, but what can you expect when you're seven years old?), but I never got much into poetry. I've read some I like, but it's not exactly something I can pick up a book of and follow; I sort of ... not so much get bored, or lose interest, but I get distracted.

Really, when left to my own devices, my attention wanders like a butterfly on speed. My "foundations," so to speak (my fandoms/major interests) remain solid, but the rest of me -- poof. O hay, my coworkers are dueling with cardboard tubes again, that sort of thing.

I had a teacher in ... fourth grade? Who insisted we recite (and eventually memorize) a new poem every few weeks; I think that was actually my first exposure to Edgar Allen Poe (because my parents are not so fond of the gothic horror, and we learned "The Bells," which I can still ... somewhat partly recite) and T.S. Elliot and Robert Frost and a whole bunch of others. I liked them, but I hardly went haring after them because of it. (I think that's around the time I first started reading The Lord of the Rings. I was, uh. Easily distracted even then. 8D)

I even had my time where I tried my hand at poetry, very proud of myself (fifth grade? around then). I took myself Very Seriously and I wrote Great And Epic Stories In Rhyme and my teachers were impressed (or maybe they just acted that way), but uh. At least, by the time I became a teenager, I'd gotten over that stage. XD Now I just occasionally toss out "lyrics" for any band AU that's willing to take me. 8D

But today on this total random whim (because I remembered a particular line and for some reason I'm writing MaLoki fic so post-/pre-apocalyptic catchphrases, so to speak, are in my head) I went and looked up Hollow Men by T.S. Elliot. I am hardly the first person to suddenly "discover" this poem, but, uh, damn.

Remember us -- if at all -- not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

... today in training class we're watching Yet Another Video By The Kind Of Scary Lady Who's Just Selling Common Sense, I have a notebook and new pens (yay supply closets!) and ... uh.

Forget songfics, baybee, I ... I disavow any knowledge of future posts to follow this line of thought. [whistles]
Soooooooo. (Man, I've been abusing this icon. I should remake it so the text is not so blurry. >_>)

What does one do, when one has a character that is much smarter than oneself to write? I mean, I was chatting with [ profile] sjen last night, and the topic of writing "intelligent" characters came up -- people like River Tam, or L, or any number of fictional geniuses out there, including those in ones own personal headspace. I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person: I'm at a good school, I have a high GPA in a difficult major, and I can pick up concepts fairly quickly (provided that they also have some animation to them; flapping my arms in order to try and demonstrate how I see telomeres + heterochromatin = not exactly my brightest-looking moment, but hey). On the other hand, I'm not a genius, and I'm far from it; there are levels of intelligence and understanding of things that I can pick at from a far distance, but will never come anywhere close to cracking.

But the thing is, intelligent characters are cool. Especially for the geek in me -- I wouldn't necessarily want to hang OUT with the frighteningly intelligent dry-witted fellow whose ennui could drown the entire world, BUT. But, I think it'd be kind of cool to at least work on a project with him, know what I'm saying?

(Of course, the "logical" answer is probably to research and research and just know what I'm talking about, but if we're talking about one of those natural geniuses, LIKE River, to whom everything comes to natural as breathing, that's ... a lot of stuff. How does one cope with the sheer breadth of useless knowledge that a lot of really smart people seem to know and spout off? Honestly, now.)

... and, if I really wanted to be smart, I'd finish my homework now. Yes, I think I'll do that. >____>

BUT HAY HAPI BIRFDEI [ profile] miss_arel! Kick that test's ass! :D
People talk funny. (Me included, har.)

No, I mean it's really weird once you get right down to it -- language tics that are generalized to certain parts of wherever. The whole infamous coke/soda/pop debate (WHICH IS IT?!) that still occasionally flares up between my friends is just. Really funny, actually, because to me, "pop" just sounds really weird even after four years in Seattle and I can still boggle people by asking for a "coke" and then specifying no, I actually wanted that root beer.

But I always get this feeling, when I'm reading things either IN Japanese or fan-translated from Japanese, that there's this certain particular "flavor" to the language that is, as far as I know, unique to Japanese. Granted, I don't actually have enough fluency in any other language to really get a feel for like, how a Spanish story might sound when translated, but it wouldn't surprise me if there was something like that. (I was discussing it with [ profile] rivendellrose last night, who mentioned she gets that with French a lot.) It's certain small differences in how things get said that ... don't change the overall meaning, but sort of give the language used character. (I think.)

And a lot of translated manga, I know, undergoes some degree of "localization" during the editing process -- something that takes that vaguely almost-stilted way the language was in the raw translation and making it ... more palatable? more "comfortable" to read? for the target audiences. I know it happens with some of Tokyopop's stuff (i.e., the two series they've done that I like and I've had access to the translated volumes for, GetBackers and Saiyuuki) and I'm not particularly sure I like it.

(I mean, I have to question a practice that tries to make Akabane sound like some sort of Mafia knockoff in translation. Couldn't they have picked, I dunno, Hannibal Lector as a localization point instead?)

I mean, I know a lot still gets lost in translation regardless of how "well" or how "raw" the translation is, and even if you were to take a manga's script and translate it exactly as it's laid out, there'd still be some awkwardness in the transition because of how differently the actual languages are structured. (I mean, okay, what triggered this was when I was reviewing tactics v1 for translational purposes, and there's a scene where Kantarou says, literally, "By you, Chizuru-san won't be killed," which would be more graceful as "Chizuru-san won't be killed by you" and is likely "localized" as "you won't kill Chizuru-san." And no the meanings don't change, and yeah the last one sounds more natural to the English-reading audience, but ... it's like something in the text was taken away -- and it's replaced, certainly, but I think I find the second more. Hm. "charming?")

People really talk funny.

This brought to you by the long and convulted process by which I do any translations. Thank you, take the ticket and please drive through.
nekokoban: (creative genius)
( Oct. 15th, 2005 06:16 pm)
So I tried to be good and go to the library to watch the video for the one class I missed Friday. ONLY IT ISN'T IN YET and the homework is almost all focusing on the stuff from that lecture. D: D: D: ([ profile] kyonkun, that's why I didn't come help cook today. I WAS TRYING TO BE GOOD and I was studying only the last part of my valiant attempts defeated me. D:)

Also, the fifty gajillion and one "X Number of Such-and-Such Themes" really are disgustingly tempting. My only major quibble with a lot of them, however, seems to be that you have to pick ONE fandom/pairing and go from there; to me, that seems somehow unpleasantly restrictive. And even [ profile] 31_days, which is one of the few that doesn't restrict you to one fandom/focus, is doing THEMES for the themes now, and I ... am not entirely keen on that. Does this make me an uncreative thinker? D:

I mean, I've done fairly well on the HaruKan 20 -- I've only posted something like thirteen, fourteen, but I've written eighteen of them -- but I kind of surprised myself with that. Part of it, I think, was the reactionary oh god tiny fandom WHY IS THERE NOT MORE? and part of it was also because I cheated and just wrote drabbles for a good six or seven of them. Uh.

I mean (she says, repeating herself) am I the only one in the world who feels vaguely guilty of posting single drabbles, like it's cluttering up my flist when in actuality I've posted totally unrelated life and fandom posts which were much shorter? I feel like if I'm going to be posting a fic on my LJ with the hopes that someone will read it and be entertained by it, I ... also sort of feel like I should make it a little bit more "worth their while" -- i.e., not short. Or, at least, more than one 100 words. Maybe 500! 500 is okay.

As for myself, it's not like I'm particularly discriminatory in my reading, when I have the time, and if the fandom/focus is rare enough, I don't care if it's fifty words or five thousand. Having written both, I wouldn't say that drabbles are harder than epics -- they both have their inherent problems in maintenence and timing -- but certainly one is easier to READ than the other. (Most of the time, at any rate.) But even knowing that about myself doesn't really alleviate that peculiar guilt (or maybe guilt is the wrong word, since it's rarely a feeling of "I shouldn't have done that, I should find some way to take it back/atone for it" as a "... was this really worth my time and theirs to post?" -- but not quite so apathetic so) of posting just drabbles unless I have five or six to go at a time.

Then again, long fics take much MORE effort (I think) on the part of both reader and writer -- you struggle more intensely for a drabble to find the right phrases for proper impact, but you struggle much longer to write something that's fifty thousand, eighty thousand words -- and so it balances out, but ...

Maybe I'm just nuts. 8D

Now I must needs dash off because there is a PARTAY in less than half an hour and I still have my notes strewn about every-which-way and will probably review amino acids one last time before saying EH SCREWIT and popping over. :D


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