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I'm sleepy, in that vague, non-insistent way; I feel like I could sleep, or I could just coast for a while and be okay. Which isn't necessarily good, as I should be studying, or at least writing one of my cheatsheets for next week, but ... it's beautiful outside without being too cold, roomie is playing bippy music, and even if I have to go through finals to get there, I'm almost done and can finally take a breather. XD;
Mostly, it's the fact that I'm a lazy person that gets me down--I sort of live in this constant state of almost-sleepy, even at my spazziest. Ann-senpai often orders me to stand with her so she can leech energy off of me--but dude, there's a reason I always start strong and then putter out when I'm hanging out with folks. Even well-rested, I'm sleepy. >_> Which leads to a problem when I get back from classes and I know I've got work I need to do, or SHOULD do, and yet I end up puttering around and playing with something.
I'm not doing badly, which is probably why I keep this up. >_> Despite my laid-back attitude, I still know when to buckle down and PUT UP, and therefore my GPA is maintained at somewhere between 3.45-3.55, and hopefully I still have time to pull it up. But then, one of my friends is managing a 3.84 after two quarters here, so that sort of made me stop and think--Do I want to do this? Is the really high GPA what I want?
... I'm inclined to say it's not. I'm not a bad student, but I'm not, I think, an ambitious one, which is my downfall. The sciences do interest me, and I think, in the end, I'm better off for going for a science major, rather than the humanities--the latter is more of my hobby, which I can follow and learn and experience in my free time. All things in life have to be experienced to give them that extra edge of reality--but science, at least to the level I'm planning on following it, needs specific circumstances and access to be tapped.
While I could read books on philosophy, or follow the political debates on TV, it's easier for me to find people who're willing to explain concepts I don't understand to me, or debate the stuff I do know; I hang out with a lot of artists and writers and otherwise humanity-related people. But I can't just waltz into a library and get the experience of watching a chemical reaction come to a head--I don't get that gleeful smug moment of thinking oh my god, it actually WORKED! when the experiment doesn't blow up in my face. XD
I think, in the end, that's why I am glad I'm sticking with the sciences. A lot of writing and humanities, I think, is, in a way, a secondhand pleasure. You are the god of your own universe(s), and it's your decisions that will shape the world and the people who live within it. You are making, in your own head, real people that exist and are as solid to you as your own self, or the people you live with. On the other hand, writing is such a subjective and personal thing at times--you the author, live and experience what the characters do as you take the diction for their stories. In the end, though, you are not the one who saved the world, who got the love interest, or who even whipped out the cool one-liner that shocked and impressed everyone.
With science, though, I add base to the ether, and I can immediately see the different layers; and you wouldn't intrinsically think about the different densities of liquids, but it's cool to actually see. I take a pipette of the concentrated acid, and the reaction immediately percipitates into something solid. I do something that has some sort of tangible result, even if it's nothing more than failures to be noted. Just like with everything else in life, there's the frustrations and the successes, and one has to decide if one outbalances the other.
The desire to be a writer is still there in me, and I'm still, when I can, writing--you gotta love having a purse that's big enough to cram a full-size notebook in. XD But at the same time, there's this epiphany--I don't really feel like I'm "putting my first dream aside" for this one; even if I end up getting some sort of labmonkey job out of college (and, also, if I decide to go on to grad school or not)--I do feel happy with things as they are now. Even the roughest spots get smoothed over, as long as you hang on long enough.
My ambitions aren't to be rich and famous; nor are they to be the best student in my classes. I just want to make a good and lasting impact on the people I know and care about--I want to be someone who makes a difference, even if it's only on a minor scale, and maybe even only in my small circle of acquaintences. I'd like to be happy--I'm there, even if I sometimes forget that. XD
... on a less serious note, we're listening to a song about Godzilla, and I am reminded that they're apparently re-releasing that soon? Or something? Color me beyond amused, kthx. XD
Mostly, it's the fact that I'm a lazy person that gets me down--I sort of live in this constant state of almost-sleepy, even at my spazziest. Ann-senpai often orders me to stand with her so she can leech energy off of me--but dude, there's a reason I always start strong and then putter out when I'm hanging out with folks. Even well-rested, I'm sleepy. >_> Which leads to a problem when I get back from classes and I know I've got work I need to do, or SHOULD do, and yet I end up puttering around and playing with something.
I'm not doing badly, which is probably why I keep this up. >_> Despite my laid-back attitude, I still know when to buckle down and PUT UP, and therefore my GPA is maintained at somewhere between 3.45-3.55, and hopefully I still have time to pull it up. But then, one of my friends is managing a 3.84 after two quarters here, so that sort of made me stop and think--Do I want to do this? Is the really high GPA what I want?
... I'm inclined to say it's not. I'm not a bad student, but I'm not, I think, an ambitious one, which is my downfall. The sciences do interest me, and I think, in the end, I'm better off for going for a science major, rather than the humanities--the latter is more of my hobby, which I can follow and learn and experience in my free time. All things in life have to be experienced to give them that extra edge of reality--but science, at least to the level I'm planning on following it, needs specific circumstances and access to be tapped.
While I could read books on philosophy, or follow the political debates on TV, it's easier for me to find people who're willing to explain concepts I don't understand to me, or debate the stuff I do know; I hang out with a lot of artists and writers and otherwise humanity-related people. But I can't just waltz into a library and get the experience of watching a chemical reaction come to a head--I don't get that gleeful smug moment of thinking oh my god, it actually WORKED! when the experiment doesn't blow up in my face. XD
I think, in the end, that's why I am glad I'm sticking with the sciences. A lot of writing and humanities, I think, is, in a way, a secondhand pleasure. You are the god of your own universe(s), and it's your decisions that will shape the world and the people who live within it. You are making, in your own head, real people that exist and are as solid to you as your own self, or the people you live with. On the other hand, writing is such a subjective and personal thing at times--you the author, live and experience what the characters do as you take the diction for their stories. In the end, though, you are not the one who saved the world, who got the love interest, or who even whipped out the cool one-liner that shocked and impressed everyone.
With science, though, I add base to the ether, and I can immediately see the different layers; and you wouldn't intrinsically think about the different densities of liquids, but it's cool to actually see. I take a pipette of the concentrated acid, and the reaction immediately percipitates into something solid. I do something that has some sort of tangible result, even if it's nothing more than failures to be noted. Just like with everything else in life, there's the frustrations and the successes, and one has to decide if one outbalances the other.
The desire to be a writer is still there in me, and I'm still, when I can, writing--you gotta love having a purse that's big enough to cram a full-size notebook in. XD But at the same time, there's this epiphany--I don't really feel like I'm "putting my first dream aside" for this one; even if I end up getting some sort of labmonkey job out of college (and, also, if I decide to go on to grad school or not)--I do feel happy with things as they are now. Even the roughest spots get smoothed over, as long as you hang on long enough.
My ambitions aren't to be rich and famous; nor are they to be the best student in my classes. I just want to make a good and lasting impact on the people I know and care about--I want to be someone who makes a difference, even if it's only on a minor scale, and maybe even only in my small circle of acquaintences. I'd like to be happy--I'm there, even if I sometimes forget that. XD
... on a less serious note, we're listening to a song about Godzilla, and I am reminded that they're apparently re-releasing that soon? Or something? Color me beyond amused, kthx. XD
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harukami