nekokoban

Dear flist:

How do you write porn without wanting to stab yourself in the eyes? Because I sure as hell do not know how. :(

THE THING IS, as a general whole, I do not think I'm a horrible writer! Not a great one either, but I'm not bad, and I can at least reread some of my old stuff and not hate it, and even now and then be pleased with some turn of phrase or this paragraph or that scene. I'm kind of rusty and out of practice right now, but once I get back into it, I mean, I'm very aware that there are people on my flist and in my general circle of personal influence who outrank me a lot in terms of sheer talent, but I don't think that also negates that I can tell a decent story when I have one!

But. But. For some reason, that does not include sex at all. It used to be a matter of embarrassment, and I guess to some degree that does still exist, but it's pretty negligible in the long run; the problem is that when I try, it feels clunky and awkward and not very much how I'd want it to be. And I think part of it is just the writing style I've settled into; I'm much better with gen--or even relationshippy stuff, just not anything physical! (To be fair, I also have this issue with fight scenes, though it's a lot easier for me to youtube awesome fight scenes to get an idea of what I want, or feel less silly when I do something blatantly unrealistic, because hey, these are canons where ridiculous fighting is often the name of the game, but at least in theory everyone I'm writing about is human and has the same basic anatomy and we can't really bend that way, or that doesn't go there, or whatever. Cry.) If I write a long story where there is a sex scene, that is the scene I am always unhappiest with--I honestly can't think of any exception to this rule. Which makes reviewing any of the essential PWPs I've written pretty weird, as I'm pretty much like :V I CAN'T TELL IF THIS IS ANYTHING BUT WEIRD. It's not like I have a problem with sex, or reading/watching material that contains it explicitly, and co-writing or RPing it isn't an issue for me! It's only when I'm by myself! :(

And I think part of the problem is that I read/used to read a handful of western media fandoms, where they are about some pretty hardcore and/or explicit stuff--there is a certain quality to those stories that I can recognize as a reader but can't really qualify--and as a writer, I can't ever seem to tap it. I'm not really big on writer-envy (there are some, both pro and non, who I would love to write more like, but not necessarily emulate their style/write EXACTLy like them), but it's something that I do wish I could manage! Or even articulate properly, since normally when I try, it ends up with a lot of handwaving and making a o____o face instead. I mean, I am more of a fan of sex as being an element for the story and the characters, not just for gratuitous "this is hot" or fanservice, but unless it's meant to be something deliberately off-putting or unpleasant (because the character is, or the situation), why not make it hot? If you can. Which is where the problem lies, for me!

WAT DO.

Hrrrrrrr the 4th of July weekend was really good for me, in terms of RECHARGING! In that I slept a lot (including sleeping in later on Monday than I have in literally years) and did nothing more strenuous than sit around in the cold and wet waiting for fireworks. And grocery shopping; it is possibly a little sad, how much I genuinely enjoy looking at and selecting and buying food. :|a

ON THE OTHER HAND, with Life and the move and everything, I've really sort of fallen behind and given up on the whole writing thing, which is really bad. :[ I believe creativity is as much like a muscle as anything in my physical body, and my personal experience has always loaned itself to that--the more I write, the better I feel about what I've written, and the less likely I am to stare at the screen going "durrrr" with a face like this: :B I tried to write some stuff the other night and it felt so much like pulling teeth: things felt awkward and clunky, and my ambition outstripped my feelings about my ability. I'm debating on whether I should try a different schedule and see if that helps, though in my heart I know any changes I make will not really finalize and take until rinkhals moves in. :|a

SO I AM GOING TO JUST KICK MYSELF A LOT, and I am going to steal the 30 Days of Writing Meme from nayami and hope that actually talking about writing (especially consistently for a month) will guilt me into doing it again. And once I get started, I will keep going, and then I'll hit a point where it's not like wall+head=OTP.

( AND I AM GOING TO PUT IT UNDER A CUT because lol )

* Sometimes, I really wish I could just post snippets of lyrics to my LJ without feeling ridiculous about it. And granted, I find it irritating, pretentious, or kind of dumb when I see people do it, but there are times where I am like, I really like these lyrics, I feel like repeating them and I am in the office and I cannot sing aloud. I've done it once or twice in my twitter, but I'm still sort of \O_o/ about doing it. IT FEELS SILLY. /o\

* A few weeks ago, there was a post on my flist about how dark and angsty =/= artistic merit. I would agree with this wholeheartedly, and extend that to life as well. Dear people, just because I am normally a cheerful person who just sort of floats and isn't always weighed down by the troubles of the world and my deficient personality, it does not make me stupid or childish. Your angst and drama does not make you a deeper or more worthy person than me. I will punch you in the face; then you will have physical pain to go with your spiritual, THEN WHAT. I've had this problem all my life, honestly--less with people online and more with people I know/interact with in my daily life.

It frustrates me, because sometimes, hey! I have bad days too! And then I wonder if there's a point to that attitude, if maybe it really--but then, no. No. :\ I've grown to a point where I resent the implication that I am somehow dumb because I like a happy ending, or that I will see the glass as half-full. Online, the problem is more about things you write, and the "artistic merit" of fiction itself, which ... okay, I mean, a well-done BAD END or bittersweet ending is totally cool with me. I like some stuff that's bleak! But a lot of times, it just wears me out--it doesn't make me think, it just makes me want to curl up and sleep for a week. SEE ALSO: my reaction to The Dark Knight. On its own merits, I think it was a fantastic movie, but god, it wore me out, and it didn't really make me think, because I was too busy being worn out by the relentness SHIT GOING DOWN. I liked 9 much better, because inexplicable as parts were, as spotty as the dialogue and plot sometimes was, there was hope, and I appreciated that. 9 made me think, actually, though I'd probably need to see it again before I could articulate any of it.

And okay, I have this Thing for horror stories, or endings that are weird and not entirely explained; I like Lovecraft and Poe and King. My greatest enthusiasm is for running horror stories, and not necessarily ones that are hooked on Twists And Plots, but just ... horrible things! Weird things! Monsters in the closet and things going bump in the night and the sinking feeling that the nightmare isn't over, just paused temporarily. I love stuff like that! --but I also want my happy ending, where people get through horror safe and sound, or maybe never encountered it at all. And I suppose my point is that ultimately, I don't think there is more "merit" in a story where the creeping horror drives someone insane and leaves the rest of the party with the sinking sensation that they are next vs a well-done quiet people-being-happy-and-people story. They both have their strengths, and they ping on different things, and let's face it: I feel like gratuitous amounts of ANYTHING (angst, horror, fluff, kitchen sinks) drags down the so-called intelligence level of something. Maybe there is something childlike about just letting oneself be taken into the immersion of a story, but I think the world could stand a little more of that. Sometimes we don't have to be (sometimes I don't want to be) the jaded cynical cool critic--sometimes it's nice to just be the kid who believes in everything, even if it's only forthe space of one story.

* Yesterday I was emailing back and forth with inarticulate re: f/f pairings, only we ended up talking about genderswitch fics instead. :|a A LOT OF IT WAS ACTUALLY CONTEXTUAL, looking back on those emails, but what it really boiled down to me was: 1) dude, fandom, please realize that the touching/charged/etc/etc scenes you squee about when your two favorite waiwai prettyboys are together would still be legitimate if one of them were female because man, while I identify as female, that is only one thing of many that defines me; 2) klsdjflaheot why do I not write more gen, why do I fall into the pairing-fic trap more than I want to. :( I sort of go in cycles; sometimes I am all about reading stuff that has porn in it! and other times I'm like that's boring, why is there so much sex in fandom, can I just have a nice long casefic, please. RIGHT NOW I AM ON THE LATTER. But even in long casefic, apparently I like it when there are pairings, so is that really gen? I have no idea. \o_O/

Then we got into a tangent about Subtext and how it exists in fandom, and sob. While I am someone who tends to label on the safe side (I did not touch the huge debate that sparked a few months ago, but while I don't care particularly much as a reader, as a writer I err on the side of caution), it sort of makes me wonder--when do you label something as gen? Or as a pairingfic? If you have two characters that you-as-the-writer (or the reader) ship, and all they're doing is interacting in platonic ways, is that gen? Is it pairing? Pre-slash? Is the important thing authorial intent (which enough english majors have told me only counts for very little) or what the reader sees in it? If people have problems with NO GAY!!1 why are they reading 07-Ghost?

* \o_O/ is my new favorite emoticon.

* TERRA IS WRITING ORIGINAL FICTION. SOMETHING IS WRONG IN THE WORLD.

* --Hi.

So thanks to rivendellrose I have been listening to Heather Dale's "Trial of Lancelot" CD at work and let me tell you, things are about 50000000000x funnier if you've just finished watching the BBC Merlin. (Which I have been! I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT ON MY OWN! THIS IS AMAZING, GUYS! AMAZING!) Though it does sort of remind me of all the parts I didn't really care about for Arthurian legend--I was never a fan of the romance aspect (insert fistshaking joke at halcyonjazz here for being FRENCH!!!! and the French being the ones who introduced the whole Arthur-Guinevere-Lancelot triangle thing), and most of the readings we did in school bored me to tears. Because a lot of them tended to be the romances, which--I don't think I have the right mindset to really let myself get immersed in really dense old text like that; I know it was traditional of the time, but that's why, despite my love of mythologies and other religious practices of long ago, I will never be a scholar. I can't hack the text and never felt the overwhelming desire to train myself to it. This may be why a lot of my friends are making wistful I-miss-school noises around me, and I'm like \o/ YEAH WORKING AND READING IN MY FREE TIME. \o/

I think I got sidetracked. :|a

However! I have learned that I have a really difficult time writing for a lot of live-action shows for whatever reason; sometimes it's that I can't hack the settings and enviroment (I have never been roadtripping across the country and Americana is a concept more than a way of life to me, and honestly most of my knowledge of classic rock comes from hanging out with zinjadu or katmaxwell), or the dialogue, or whatever! Even Supernatural, whose first season still has so much I really love (URBAND LEGENDS GHOST STORIES KYAA KYAA), never really clicked for me. So I wonder why it is that I actually want to write Merlin fic; I blame the fact that it does have this enormous and amazing mythological basis behind it--even if it's anachronistic and hardly historically accurate and I really have no knowledge of Britishims either \o/ it has that kind of actual history connected to it. IDK, I'm still puttering at that Hetalia/Merlin crossover. And reading a ton of fic; given the time my attention wanders at work I think I have made a pretty damn good effort to read everything that mildly interests me in the fandom. THIS IS BAD NEWS, GUYS! IT MEANS I GET BORED AND THEN I WHINE A LOT BEFORE WRITING STUFF MYSELF. And if I do that people should point me to--resources that I can read up for research, because at least I can be anachronistically correct, if historically incorrect. :(

In other news, man, I feel like I should use my DW more, especially since there are a handful of people I am very fond of who've rather permanently moved there, but. I almost feel like I should do something different with it--less of important all my stuff from my LJ to my DW (though I suppose I could :|a), but it's like buying a shiny new notebook at the store--you want to put NEW stuff in it! cool stuff! fancy stuff! but there's only so much content in my head and also remembering to USE it. My life is a series of mildly-humorous or -irritating events loosely connected by good moods and occasional emo, so there's not really much to talk about, there. Ahhhhhh. /o\

Hrrrrrm. SUGGESTIONS GO HERE?


My cat is so cute, guys. SO CUTE. I should take more pictures of him and force them upon the internet.

Trufax: It is kind of hilarious to hear the people in the row over trying to remember Patrick Stewart's monologue that opens Star Trek: The Next Generation and failing, but still dutifully adding in sound effects and music as they remember. :D

I find it kind of hilarious that earlier this week I was whining at harukami (like I am known to do since she's yet to actually tell me to shut up *g*) about how I want to be ... not famous necessarily, not a BNF, but -- more read? Have a greater readership? when there have been at least two blowups on my flist dealing with "famous" people in fandoms. One of them is a good friend of mine; the other I don't know at all, though apparently she was in FMA fandom for a while. (Shows what I know: I wandered away from that series yeeeeears ago. Literally years, wow.)

The way fandom politcs are set up, it seems to me you'd almost have to be a BNF to be a well-known ficwriter, but it's like. I feel like at my core I am a storyteller: maybe not the best, and maybe not the most eloquent, but I literally can't go for more than an hour before I'm composing something in my head, little unconnected scenes that will never see the light of the day. Character tropes that I like but can't concievably write as often as I'd like/want, bits of dialogue that don't fit in the mouths of any character than my own -- hell, I love to summarize stories because it's like a retelling and there's actually some satisfaction in that, too.

The downside is that I am also kind of ... hm. I tell stories because I want to, but I share stories because I know people are looking. There is a line, and I'm not entirely sure I can articulate it properly. I like to make people happy by entertaining them -- hence sharing stories, but my ongoing loveaffair with smaller fandoms and obscure series tells me that I'm also okay with throwing my stuff out into the void and hope that someday, windfall will come and there'll be someone who enjoys it.

Which ... doesn't actually change the fact that I'm a bit of a whore when it comes to comments. *g* I HAVE MADE PEACE WITH MYSELF ON THIS, because I know essentially I have done all I can to actually make myself "known" on the internet -- I'm too lazy to do hardcore self-pimping ... anywhere, really, so the best I can do is keep writing as best I can, and crosspost when I remember to. I'm sure there are other things I can do, but I've hit a point where this is a ... regret that I can laugh at. I can put my chin in my hands and sigh wistfully, but when you get right down to it, I'm okay.

Because I know I'm a decent writer -- I'm not fantastic, and there are and will always be people who're leaps and bounds better, but I'm competent. I can string words together into a readable sentence and follow a plot; I pay close attention to character-language and action and occasionally freak out at anyone listening if I think I'm straying too far from what I see in canon. *g* I would hazard to say I'm even "good," even if what I excell it are quiet one-scene fics and character interactions as opposed to intricate plots and unexpected twists.

Internet fame is such a fickle thing, though; I have been interacting in online fandoms for ... what, going on twelve years now? (Holy hell, twelve YEARS.) I still am no closer to figuring out how the fandom collective thinks, and how they decide one thing is awesome and another is boring, or where the chips fall -- anywhere, really. I have loved things that I can't understand why they're not 100x more popular than they are, and looked at manias that sweep my flist and wonder what the hell everyone else is seeing that I'm not.

Part of this, I'm sure, is a vague sort of ... not really envy, not really: I know quite a number of fairly well-known (in the circles I traverse, at least *g*) writers/artists. I will be bold enough to say that I am, in fact, friends with a number of supremely talented people who are well-acknowledge, and rightfully so, for their talents. The problem is, little dusty me, I feel like the lagging kid sister who can't quiiiiite keep up, but is allowed to play simply by virtue of being small and cute, and not because I'm actually good enough.

Because yeah, I know I'm not bad! But all these people I adore and can chat comfortably with, they're BETTER. I want to be worthy of them! (This, in fact, is kind of a driving force of my life: I want to be good enough, I want to be worthy enough to make it worthwhile for the awesome people I'm friends with. Sometimes this manifests as emo angst; other times, it's an inspiration. Ultimately, I think it balances out.)

Naturally, if I were to name these folks, I'm certain most of them would look at me askance and claim they're not famous, they're not cool enough for that, blahblahblah. That is okay, though, because everyone else knows the truth. :|b

And maybe that's my problem, too! Maybe I'm too close to myself (yeah, fancy THAT) to see how I stand objectively, as the tiny tiny drop in the fandom pool that I am. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself -- but it's equally likely that I'm actually thinking too much of myself, heh.

Just. Hey -- hey, out there? If you're reading my fic and enjoying it, thank you. I would appreciate comments and I'd appreciate people talking to/friending me, but ultimately, if you read something of mine and it stays with you and hopefully not as an example of OH GOD NEVER AGAIN *g*, thank you. I'll keep working hard and trying to become a better writer, and maybe someday, I'll get to shine, too. :)

Three months late, I start thinking "maybe one of my new year resolutions should be to post more often! because I have paid space/icons" -- but I've done this before and that never panned out, but I can't actually TALK right now, so. In writing it goes!

The problem with following anything that has a developing canon is that it is so easy to suddenly find 500+ half-formed ideas going BOOM in a dramatic flash of gunpowder plot.

(Now that I think about it, though, I think pretty much with the exception of my earliest baby fandoms, all of the stuff I've followed enough to want to fic were things I followed as-happening. God knows I hung on to the bitter end of the FMA anime, and even though I'm still collecting the manga as it comes out, I've been thoroughly distracted.)

In some fandoms, this was not so bad -- GetBackers, for example! I am undergoing a revolution, I miss my old dorklove now that it's gone. ._. For some reason not knowing who the fourth King of the Volts was never bothered me (beyond a "C'MON TELL ALREADY" sort of way). ... Then again, I always theorized it was an already-established character, and it turned out to be someone entirely new. XD; Or hell, the way no one stays dead -- except maybe Saizou, but I forget if Ginji fixed that too.

Or in tactics, where the whole thing's a little more tricky -- they've been doling out little hints here and there about Haruka's past, and recently there was that whole wtf-curveball about Kantarou's mother (was it a nightmare or a memory? WE DO NOT KNOW), or even the implication that Raikou's name was originally something different. (And given how big a deal names are in that series, what the hell does this mean.)

But it's still not so bad -- maybe because mostly, I was in both fandoms for a while before the left-fielders started showing up. It's one thing if you're comfortable with the developing canon and THEN the WTFs start happening (though I am persistantly stubborn -- it takes me a lot to start something, but when I do, by-god I will follow it through; the only series in recent memory I've dropped is Higurashi, but that's because it keeps blue-screening my computer).

It's another when you sort of drop into things just as the bombshells start falling. (Which is also to say, OH MY GOD GOOD-BYE MY IDEAS. Is Tsubasa a weekly serial? I know it runs in Shounen Magazine, but I only bought that for GetBackers, which I'm pretty sure was monthly. But, uh. Aiee.)

...

In other news, I have reached the disgusting/painful stage of illness recovery where swallowing is sort of like dull knives in my throat and I keep wanting to work on ridiculously pretentious all-over-the-place Okami fic (file title: the courtship of amaterasu and ushiwaka) rather than pretty much ANY of my challenges. :(

SEND HELP PLZ.

P.S. I love BPAL's grapefruit note, but it makes me sad that it never lasts when I wear it. D: The currants and musk are really nice, but ... grapefruit. D:

P.P.S. I have homemade lime bars and you don't! Nyah~♥
Seriously, though, maymargret is an awesome cook

HYPOTHESIS: The reason the creature known as the "rabid fangirl" seems to take a completely skewed vision of canon as opposed to the "regular fangirl" is because once they fixate upon a character and/or pairing, they will skip ahead through the pesky burdensome things known as "plot" and "other developments" just to see the sole part they are interested in. Should there be gaps that cannot be avoided, the overactive "rabid fangirl" imagination will proceed to take dramatic bits and pieces from OTHER canons she follows (such as from daytime/drama TV, where one cannot fast-forward unless it's a recording), vague spoilers read from other sources, and cobbles things together in order to maintain the fantasy.

(... man, why couldn't I have written such long-winded and overly-mincing things when I was trying to do my actual lab writeups, huh? :<)

This is to say that I read pretty much all of Earl Cain why did it get translated as "Count"? Is this some nobility title thingit I'm unaware of, that they're the same rank? over the weekend, started on Godchild, and sort of ... found myself ... skipping. TO THE VERY END, though I'm now going back and actually reading-for-plot. XD; it's this unfortunate habit I think I picked up from my dad -- when he picks up a new book, he reads the first page, then the last page, and then commences regularly from start to finish. I, I like knowing how things resolve! T_T Unfortunately, with Godchild, I feel like I lost a lot~ of context, so. A more careful reading is now in order!

On the other hand, Cain and Riff sort of remind me of what Frodo and Sam* would have been like, post-Quest, if you know. They'd had an uncomfortably co-dependant and desperate relationship that definitely crossed borders of proprietry in the "Victorian England" setting and probably they never did anything, but it's that sort of "if it even occured to them and social boundaries didn't stop them, they would" kind of thing.

... I seem to have this thing for "improper" master-and-servant relationships where the servant is physically stronger/taller/more stable(?!) than the master, and the master is probably more dependant on the servant than the other way around. SEE ALSO Haruka/Kantarou.

Now all I need are some really crappy diagrams drawn on graph paper, and I will have a MASTERPIECE the likes of which I never turned in to my professors in lab. Ahahahahah.

*When I was very small, and I'd read Lord of the Rings for the first time -- in a time before I even knew boys could like boys or girls could like girls (I was maybe six or seven at the time?) I was always very very DDDDD: about how Sam and Frodo ended up. Then I got older and I discovered slash and honestly with those two it sort of twigs me but at the same time some six-year-old part of me says but WHY did Frodo have to go, why couldn't Sam have gone with him RIGHT AWAY? Rosie could come too! --that sort of thing.

ETA because I was just reminded while wandering into the kitchen one of my roommates has an amaryllis plant that has, in just the last week, shot up signifigantly. It was sort of like I'd just sort of completely forgotten its existence, because it had been there for so long, unchanging -- just a bulb in some dirt. But a few nights ago, while I was making dinner and washing a few dishes, I looked up, and it had gone SPROING! From out of that bulb now sprouted two long green stems, with a pointed oval bulb at the end of each.

"What the hell IS that?" I asked.
"That," said one of my roommates, completely deadpan, "is a dildo plant. Look, see how there's two of them? They're snuggling."

CAN YOU TELL I'M BORED. :<

( Writing thought-process: orichara and fandom sorts )

... and now I'm off to figure out a plausible way to finagle Roxas!Sora to have sex with Axel. THE END.

Soooooooo. (Man, I've been abusing this icon. I should remake it so the text is not so blurry. >_>)

What does one do, when one has a character that is much smarter than oneself to write? I mean, I was chatting with sjen last night, and the topic of writing "intelligent" characters came up -- people like River Tam, or L, or any number of fictional geniuses out there, including those in ones own personal headspace. I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person: I'm at a good school, I have a high GPA in a difficult major, and I can pick up concepts fairly quickly (provided that they also have some animation to them; flapping my arms in order to try and demonstrate how I see telomeres + heterochromatin = not exactly my brightest-looking moment, but hey). On the other hand, I'm not a genius, and I'm far from it; there are levels of intelligence and understanding of things that I can pick at from a far distance, but will never come anywhere close to cracking.

But the thing is, intelligent characters are cool. Especially for the geek in me -- I wouldn't necessarily want to hang OUT with the frighteningly intelligent dry-witted fellow whose ennui could drown the entire world, BUT. But, I think it'd be kind of cool to at least work on a project with him, know what I'm saying?

(Of course, the "logical" answer is probably to research and research and just know what I'm talking about, but if we're talking about one of those natural geniuses, LIKE River, to whom everything comes to natural as breathing, that's ... a lot of stuff. How does one cope with the sheer breadth of useless knowledge that a lot of really smart people seem to know and spout off? Honestly, now.)

... and, if I really wanted to be smart, I'd finish my homework now. Yes, I think I'll do that. >____>

BUT HAY HAPI BIRFDEI miss_arel! Kick that test's ass! :D

So I tried to be good and go to the library to watch the video for the one class I missed Friday. ONLY IT ISN'T IN YET and the homework is almost all focusing on the stuff from that lecture. D: D: D: (kyonkun, that's why I didn't come help cook today. I WAS TRYING TO BE GOOD and I was studying only the last part of my valiant attempts defeated me. D:)

Also, the fifty gajillion and one "X Number of Such-and-Such Themes" really are disgustingly tempting. My only major quibble with a lot of them, however, seems to be that you have to pick ONE fandom/pairing and go from there; to me, that seems somehow unpleasantly restrictive. And even 31_days, which is one of the few that doesn't restrict you to one fandom/focus, is doing THEMES for the themes now, and I ... am not entirely keen on that. Does this make me an uncreative thinker? D:

I mean, I've done fairly well on the HaruKan 20 -- I've only posted something like thirteen, fourteen, but I've written eighteen of them -- but I kind of surprised myself with that. Part of it, I think, was the reactionary oh god tiny fandom WHY IS THERE NOT MORE? and part of it was also because I cheated and just wrote drabbles for a good six or seven of them. Uh.

I mean (she says, repeating herself) am I the only one in the world who feels vaguely guilty of posting single drabbles, like it's cluttering up my flist when in actuality I've posted totally unrelated life and fandom posts which were much shorter? I feel like if I'm going to be posting a fic on my LJ with the hopes that someone will read it and be entertained by it, I ... also sort of feel like I should make it a little bit more "worth their while" -- i.e., not short. Or, at least, more than one 100 words. Maybe 500! 500 is okay.

As for myself, it's not like I'm particularly discriminatory in my reading, when I have the time, and if the fandom/focus is rare enough, I don't care if it's fifty words or five thousand. Having written both, I wouldn't say that drabbles are harder than epics -- they both have their inherent problems in maintenence and timing -- but certainly one is easier to READ than the other. (Most of the time, at any rate.) But even knowing that about myself doesn't really alleviate that peculiar guilt (or maybe guilt is the wrong word, since it's rarely a feeling of "I shouldn't have done that, I should find some way to take it back/atone for it" as a "... was this really worth my time and theirs to post?" -- but not quite so apathetic so) of posting just drabbles unless I have five or six to go at a time.

Then again, long fics take much MORE effort (I think) on the part of both reader and writer -- you struggle more intensely for a drabble to find the right phrases for proper impact, but you struggle much longer to write something that's fifty thousand, eighty thousand words -- and so it balances out, but ...

Maybe I'm just nuts. 8D

Now I must needs dash off because there is a PARTAY in less than half an hour and I still have my notes strewn about every-which-way and will probably review amino acids one last time before saying EH SCREWIT and popping over. :D