(no subject)

I feel kind of bad, because nearly my entire flist is DOOM AND GLOOM and OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO HELL, when I actually had a really good day, minus, you know, the Big News. ^^;

What I did, pretty much, was steadfastly ignore the election coverage last night -- I'd voted, and thus I'd done what I could, and Organic Chemistry beckoned. Even then, I couldn't quite avoid everything, and went to bed early with people whispering about how Ohio was the new Florida, or something like that. I woke up early (to an absolutely gorgeous morning, seriously o_o), reviewed a little, STILL ignoring the announcements (because damn, stress on top of stress ain't what I needed ^^;), went to class, and took my test -- the one, some of you know, that I've been FREAKING THE HELL OUT over, because I did so badly on the first one.

And, in all honesty, I feel pretty good about it. I'm cautiously optimistic for it at this point, because the last page had some weird questions about benzyne and aromatic substitution, but I think I did okay. I really think I did.

Soooooo, test done, grabbed a juice at the HUB and went to next class. During my break, I finally started paying attention, and at that point, people were still, I think, praying on Ohio pulling through -- but then class started, and a guy blew in, saying how Kerry had conceeded. (Which upset my TA; she kept getting into mini-rants, and then apologizing to any Bush supporters in the class -- "but I don't think you'd take Japanese if you were. o_o")

Went to third class; the test Friday will be very blah, as I have seven chapters of words and I can only claim shaky grasp on a few. But we played Jepoardy again, and I didn't have to do any running, after the last disasterous time where I took that bruising tumble to the floor. ^^; After that, hit up the club room for lunch, talked with zinjadu and kyonkun a bit about furniture, and the purchase thereof. And then Eric busted out Katamari Damacy and told me I haaaaaaad to play ... so I did.

(omgwtf addictive. the ost is love.)

Came back, finished up the lab report for tomorrow -- stupid derivative still isn't working, and I've pretty much given it up as a lost cause =_=;;; -- and then got on to check on flist and e-mail and stuff. And it's just ... man. I started the day on a high, and now I'm feeling steadily lower and more guilty for it -- but I did my part, so I'm not sure, at this point, how much else I could have done. o_o But it's like my friend said earlier, "Welcome to another four years of the rest of the world hating America." ;;;;;;;;;;;;;

I want to love my country. I really, really want to -- I was born here, raised here, and my parents have actually lived out the so-called American Dream, where they came to America penniless and now are, if not rich, at least damn well off. America is what gave my uncle the opportunity to rise up beyond my grandmother's absolute poverty until now he pulls in a six-figure salary, while still having time to travel with his wife and son, and even play video games when he feels like it. I want to, so badly -- but, in a bit of selfishness, I'm wondering if those opportunities will be open to me. I'm afraid of seeing options dry up and doors being closed right when I'm at the cusp of getting out there, throwing myself out into this strange new "real" world and testing the waters. I'm afraid of seeing what was once a good thing, what gave my family so much, turn into something tattered and horrible and a travesty of itself.

At this point, I'm not sure what I should feel. Four more years -- I'll have my BS by then, and possibly will have gone back to grad school at that point. (The way it's looking now, I think I want to graduate, work a year, maybe two, and then go back to school.) Four more years of this, the uncertainty and the animosity of the rest of the world and the UPS and the DOWNS and ... yeah. Four more years.

But at the same time, there's still hope, and there's still good people. Good things can happen in small places, in small ways, and sometimes, it's the small things that can add up to mean more to a person's life, in the end. I want to stay hopeful, I want to believe we'll get through this, and we'll do better. I'd say I want to believe we can do better NOW, but if past experience is anything to go by, I'll reserve judgement severely.

So ... that's my spiel. I voted, my friends voted -- we tried. And sometimes trying isn't good enough, so we have to live with the consequences; no matter how attractive Canada looks right now (and actually, it did before, if only because my best friend lives up there ^^;), I know I don't come anywhere near qualifying for eligible immigration there. Maybe grad school can give me the leg up, who knows? But for now, yeah -- did what I could. My family motto is muddle through, so we'll just have to do that.

I mean, the day must be not too bad, when I can look at the row of American flag-painted elephants and think that those would not add much width to my katamari at all, and I would need to go searching for bigger things -- like maybe the sign, or the table, or another small child. XD;