nekokoban

QUICK MONTHLY SUMMARY:

* Got a plurk! Promptly forgot Twitter existed. Sorry, y'all. :B I do a lot of microblogging there and am rather enamored.

* Got

bishopped over at

campfuckudie! Have hit my personal limit for RP and feel pretty good about having no other desires for it ever. Yeay.

* Came to a personal revelation about myself (in fact, I am a super-contrary person despite having always thought of myself as a very "whatevs |D" type, in that 9.999 times out of 10, the harder you push something at me, the more I'm just like :\a that's nice :\a APPARENTLY I HAVE TO BE SUBTLY COURTED, and who wants to waste that much time \o/) and came to peace with it. Everything works out in the end.

* An actually fairly accurate representation of myself, since they didn't have any necklaces that actually look like the one I wear.

* I feel like I'm slowly forgetting how to write fanfic. :|a I still want to, a lot, but it all keeps getting done in short bursts and stops, whereas my original fiction is like \:D/ derp derp. I still can't write novels worth anything, but short stories and novella-esque lengths seem to be great for me.

( Now I am going to talk about MONEY and STUFF and cutting it because lol. )

After all that tl;dr I have determined I really want to write fusion fandom fic, when I want to write fic, but I'm not sure if I even have a direction after that, except maybe I want to write all the diece things and only two other people on LJ care. :B I'M SORRY EVERYONE WHO EXPECTED BETTER OF THIS JOURNAL, PROBABLY YOU SHOULD ABANDON SHIP NOW.

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SO I have realized, through various small aches and pains, that I am not as optimistic or upbeat as my mental image of myself is! Which is fine, because part of that is just a matter of readjusting personal expectations so that they're not unrealistic or crushing what self-worth I do have, but part of it is stuff I can do as part of EFFORT! on my part. Therefore, rather than wait for the new year, when I could second-guess myself or talk myself out of it, I have come up with RESOLUTIONS. I am temporarily putting aside holiday cheer and doing this!

* Get back into the habit of writing daily. Half an hour or at least 1000 words every evening, even when we go out and are social. The only exceptions should be if I am actually sick, or there is some other emergency going on.

* On nights when I have work the next morning, be in bed by 12:30-1. Preferably 12:30 at the latest.

* Keep in touch with people more. THIS IS FOREVER A WORK IN PROGRESS because I am a horrible combination of shy/self-conscious/lazy and get into ruts. BUT I WILL TRY. In that respect, try to get out more and reach out to folks to do things beyond asking

rinkhals about where to grab lunch.

* Be better about keeping the kitchen/bathrooms clean. One day soon I will BLITZ cleaning and then I will do my best to maintain it/make

rinkhals help me with that.

* Save up money for 1) a PS3 2) a food processor

* Relatedly, get my savings goal (a 12-month emergency savings plan) to AT LEAST 33% in the next year. So I want to trim some (but not all :B) of my frivolous spending to shore that up.

* Let things go. Or at least, if I have to be angry and vent, don't let it consume me. I can be pretty bad about this, because I tend to dwell and make myself more upset. I need to start rolling with those punches and not letting them drag me down.

In 2011, I'd like to make serious progress towards two of my writing goals, which for the now will be hush-hush because I am superstitious about talking about ambitious things until they're already solidly in motion.

Hello everyone!! We're starting today!!

In other news I kind of want to wipe all my current icons and MAKE MYSELF A NEW SET, only I load up the page to start deleting them and I'm like "oh, but I like this one :( and this one :( and THIS ONE TOO oh no :("--but I barely even post, so it's really just that I like having different icons every time I comment somewhere. Maybe I will allow myself to keep like fifteen old icons and make everything else new.

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Nnnnnot my best month ever. AND IT'S BARELY BEGUN, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.

LONG STORY SHORT: on Friday, it was publically announced that the company I work for (previously privately-owned) was sold! Business will continue as usual for the next month or so, while the deal is officially closed, and THEN MAYBE WE WILL FIND OUT THE STATE OF THINGS! My parents have been exactingly practical about it, which is stuff I needed to hear, but do not really help with the worry. I know, there's not much I can do, even if I'm panicking, and mostly I am doing all right with that, but ugh. EASIER SAID THAN DONE! And my first mortgage paymet is due next month, l-lol, so I am possibly panicking juuuust the tiniest bit. It's a very contained sort of panic, that involves zoning out and obsessively keeping tabs on the amounts in my accounts and juggling to the largest interest rate. On top of that, my cat has been doing some worrisome things that I need to keep an eye on and have my fingers crossed that things were just a fluke, and that he's not actually sick.

I suspect this is why I am feeling vaguely sick this week, but WHO KNOWS. Maybe it's just a summer cold, lol.

This has also sort of colored ... everything I've been doing/thinking/whatever so I'm just feeling super worn-down and sad about a lot of things. It's one of those days (weeks? something?) where you just want to go to the most public forum you can and say EVERYONE PLEASE LIKE ME, I AM HAVING A BAD DAY!--only I'm not sure how deserved everyone liking me is, right now. *wg* MY PERSPECTIVE IS SKEWED. Also I usually try to reserve actual outright attention whoring for my birthday, because then I feel less guilty about it. It's a lot of little things that have sort of come together and one-two-three'd me, so I feel sort of like a bad friend, an uninteresting person, insert negative thing here.

AND IN A WAY I GUESS I AM ATTENTION WHORING RIGHT NOW! But you can tell me the bad as well as the good; I've sort of hit the zen threshhold of bad feelings, so at least I am at a starting point to try fixing things. *g* Or just talk to me about things. TELL ME ABOUT A NEW FANDOM YOU LOVE, a book you've read, talk to me about something I've talked about before! Give me something to focus on so I don't sit around being 8( and maybe I will actually EAT THE DELICIOUS FOOD I BOUGHT.*

The one major upside is that IF THINGS GO WELL, in six months, I will have the best commute in the history of ever--fifteen minutes tops, and that's when I'm weighed down by heavy grocery bags. I timed it. Kya kya etc.

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Oh man, okay, apparently I am just going through one of those dry journal spells (as opposed to my twitter, which pretty much gets the brunt of my everyday little victories and defeats, if you can even call them that), but HAHA! I LIVE! Take THAT, world!

The past month+ has been kind of insane, mostly related to the condo and moving and all the inherent baggage that comes with that. On the other hand, I am pretty happy with the place--my buyer's remorse, such as it is, is pretty minor. I think once I get curtains up (a-and fix the screens, hurff) and more unpacked (I have until the end of August! woo!) and finish the last of the cleaning, it'll get better. For better or worse, I am committed, and I'm not freaking out about it. Just everything else!

( ramble ramble self-reflection ramble ramble )

I thought about doing the "i've always wanted to tell you" meme, but I'm not sure I would get anything new about it. I have a good guess at what most of my flaws are that people would nitpick about (though I should reiterate as always, if I have done something to bother/offend you, never hesitate to tell me so), and I've been so borderline reclusive I doubt there's much good to say. :p

I guess if people really have burning things to say, they can use this post. Hello, world.

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THE GOOD: Weeeee are pretty much clear to go! Home inspection was done last night, and most of it was fairly boring (though really, for something like this, it's very much a "no news is good news" thing). There are a few issues that need to be taken care of, probably sooner than later--we're going to negotiate for either credit back OR they'll do it themselves. I-is it ridiculous of me when I was like "actually, it could be kind of fun to learn how to do it myself," I GUESS THIS MEANS I REALLY AM READY FOR HOME OWNERSHIP?? ps

enough_space and

vulchu even if you guys don't help I will expect you to keep me company and be my cheering squad. :B

THE BAD: Iiiiiii forgot to completely budget for this (the actual inspection itself, which, DUH I R BRILL, costs money). :B IT IS NOT A HUGE DEVASTATING DIFFERENCE and I'm already ballparking my numbers on the super-high end, but it pretty much means that until I get this figured out and accomodated for, I have to declare hiatus for anything irl that involves money. :( So this involves even eating/ordering out, because until I actually know exactly my numbers and where things are coming from, and where that extra money needs to come from (whether from my high ballparks or from something else), I should not be spending anything. I CAN STILL HANG OUT AND LIKE, WATCH TV OR GO WINDOW SHOPPING OR WHATEVER! In fact, at this point, I don't really have any major house-related things to do; we're in pending and until the closing date (June 7th) I AM FREE. Sob. Love me.

THE AHHHHHH: No, the \o_O/?!?!?! \o/!! feeling hasn't really worn off yet, gosh this is super-exciting. ONE STEP CLOSER TO PLAYING A GROWN UP IN THE REAL WORLD. And today I am wearing a shirt with rainbow butterflies in it and am seriously considering the merits of wearing my hair in pigtails while it's in that medium-ish length stage. I think this may be one of the few times I could pull it off, y/n? :|a

P.S. In epic battle of Prinny vs Dalek, who wins?

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Okay, so a lot of people know this already at this point, but the low-down is: I have made my first home purchase.

Which is to say that after talking with my parents, crunching numbers (and crunching numbers and crunching numbers, as poor

enough_space will tell you) and freaking out and negotiating and thinking long and hard, I have officially purchased a condo. :B The closing date isn't until June 7th, THINGS COULD STILL GO WRONG!! but as it is, I've been approved for the loan and have recieved the official CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PURCHASE mail. In totally boring grown-up things, part of the loan application process includes a credit check, and I recieved a copy of it. It was an extremely pleasant surprise, as I knew my credit was good, but I didn't realize it was actually, in fact, excellent. OKAY I AM DONE BRAGGING ABOUT THAT, I was just proud of me. :(

This also means that I will be probably cutting back a lot on going out and/or shopping in the next three months, as I will need a) time to pack and clean and b) time for my finances to stabilize again. I'm also pretty much in a state of QUASI-HIATUS, so while I'll be around on gchat and still around-around during the day when I'm at work, PM me in the evenings at your own risk, because I will yell about how much I hate packing/cleaning and/or about NUMBERS!! at you. In ridiculously nerdy number-crunching ways, I have written up an entire spreadsheet that plans for various contingencies where I can input my monthly income at any given time and see where I stand re: payments and bills. I, I think I really enjoy playing with numbers and probability, does this mean I should have become an accountant? (Note: I don't actually know entirely what an accountant does beyond what a preliminary google search tells me.)

ANYWAY. I GUESS I AM A REAL ADULT NOW.

FUNNY THING IS, I DON'T REALLY FEEL TOO DIFFERENT FROM BEFORE pee ess I still intend to see Iron Man 2 tonight kyaaa kyaa RDJ kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Also maybe I will allow myself to get a banh mi this weekend because I've been madly craving one. Madly. :B

Pee Pee Ess: WHY DID MY FRIENDS-OF LIST GO UP? I AM REALLY BORING THESE DAYS. OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD APOLOGIZE TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, even the ones that have me on the only-occasionally-read filter. ;A; Ilu all, I am just super-bad at showing my appreciation these days especially. 8(

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who says you have to wait till the new year for these things!

nrrrrrrrrgh

Funny thing about life is that it keeps on going

TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssssss

AS A FOLLOWUP

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