Can't sleep, the clowns will eat me T_T

I'm not trying to sleep yet, but if I close my eyes for too long, I see clowns.

I don't really want to think about the rest of it. I mean, while on the one hand, it's really interesting when there's discussions on the hows and developments of different (and "strange") sexual kinks, it sometimes leads unto territory that should never be ventured in by me. (It started with a comment on vore and got worse -- or better, maybe, who knows? >_> -- from there.)

theladyfeylene IS AN EVIL AND HORRIBLE TERRIBLE PERSON WHO LIKES BREAKING THE TENDER AND VULNERABLE BRAINMEATS OF HER POOR HOUSEMATE. WAH. T_________T

Also, showing mouseover!porn to your housemates is a good way to get everyone giggly-hysterical really damn fast.

Sex is a bizarre and fascinating subject, and I am constantly amazed at just how diverse it can be.

But I really, really, really wish that the clowns had been left out of it. AUGH.

Studying for pchem tomorrow. Plz shoot me now kthx.

Let me be numb

So, today, due to unavoidable circumstances, the dog had to go back to the shelter.

It's really hard for me, because all my life I wanted a dog, but my dad doesn't like animals and my mom's allergic, and they both said I was never responsible enough to warrant taking care of one. (In hindsight, and talking to my mother on the phone today, I think it was more because they didn't want to deal with an animal, and conviniently used my childhood irresponsibilities as an excuse.) And I was so damn happy when we moved into this house, and we got a dog. A real big fuzzy stupid puppy that rassled with me and shoved his face in unmentionable places and was just. A dog.

Today they put the harness on him and led him outside. He thought they were going for a walk, and he was excited right up to the point where Fey and I started crying.

I didn't go; it was a sort of collective consensus that it'd be worse for me if I went, and I don't think I could have stood walking out of the shelter and leaving him behind. I want to say good-bye, so I did it at our door, rather than just. You know. Going away and looking over my shoulder at him.

And you know, I know it's hard to lose a pet to dying or death, but right now, our puppy is going back to the shelter and while he looks damn good on paper, and it's a no-kill shelter so they'll care for him until he finds a real home ... I feel like SHIT. Because when we got him, we promised he'd come home, and that we'd take care of him, but now everything's gone wrong with that and he's going back today and I just ended up watching them drive away and crying like a stupid little girl.

There's still the cat, at least. I went and sat in the papasan chair with him, and for the first time ever, without me petting him, he purred at me until I stopped crying. Which was kind of him, because I've always had this uneasy truce with the cat -- I always knew the dog loved me.

I'm glad, at least, that the shelter automatically notifies you when your pet's been placed. I desperately want this dog to go to a good home, one that keep him better and longer than we could. I don't regret getting the puppy, I just really wish that we could have kept him as long as we promised, and I wish I could've seen him grow up to be one of those mellow old dogs that just rolls around in the sun and maybe "woof"s at you if you step on his tail. Maybe.

Studying today's going to be hell. To everyone I interact with on a daily basis, I deeply apologize for any lashing out or sudden hysterical tears that come from me.