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Dear flist:
How do you write porn without wanting to stab yourself in the eyes? Because I sure as hell do not know how. :(
THE THING IS, as a general whole, I do not think I'm a horrible writer! Not a great one either, but I'm not bad, and I can at least reread some of my old stuff and not hate it, and even now and then be pleased with some turn of phrase or this paragraph or that scene. I'm kind of rusty and out of practice right now, but once I get back into it, I mean, I'm very aware that there are people on my flist and in my general circle of personal influence who outrank me a lot in terms of sheer talent, but I don't think that also negates that I can tell a decent story when I have one!
But. But. For some reason, that does not include sex at all. It used to be a matter of embarrassment, and I guess to some degree that does still exist, but it's pretty negligible in the long run; the problem is that when I try, it feels clunky and awkward and not very much how I'd want it to be. And I think part of it is just the writing style I've settled into; I'm much better with gen--or even relationshippy stuff, just not anything physical! (To be fair, I also have this issue with fight scenes, though it's a lot easier for me to youtube awesome fight scenes to get an idea of what I want, or feel less silly when I do something blatantly unrealistic, because hey, these are canons where ridiculous fighting is often the name of the game, but at least in theory everyone I'm writing about is human and has the same basic anatomy and we can't really bend that way, or that doesn't go there, or whatever. Cry.) If I write a long story where there is a sex scene, that is the scene I am always unhappiest with--I honestly can't think of any exception to this rule. Which makes reviewing any of the essential PWPs I've written pretty weird, as I'm pretty much like :V I CAN'T TELL IF THIS IS ANYTHING BUT WEIRD. It's not like I have a problem with sex, or reading/watching material that contains it explicitly, and co-writing or RPing it isn't an issue for me! It's only when I'm by myself! :(
And I think part of the problem is that I read/used to read a handful of western media fandoms, where they are about some pretty hardcore and/or explicit stuff--there is a certain quality to those stories that I can recognize as a reader but can't really qualify--and as a writer, I can't ever seem to tap it. I'm not really big on writer-envy (there are some, both pro and non, who I would love to write more like, but not necessarily emulate their style/write EXACTLy like them), but it's something that I do wish I could manage! Or even articulate properly, since normally when I try, it ends up with a lot of handwaving and making a o____o face instead. I mean, I am more of a fan of sex as being an element for the story and the characters, not just for gratuitous "this is hot" or fanservice, but unless it's meant to be something deliberately off-putting or unpleasant (because the character is, or the situation), why not make it hot? If you can. Which is where the problem lies, for me!
WAT DO.
How do you write porn without wanting to stab yourself in the eyes? Because I sure as hell do not know how. :(
THE THING IS, as a general whole, I do not think I'm a horrible writer! Not a great one either, but I'm not bad, and I can at least reread some of my old stuff and not hate it, and even now and then be pleased with some turn of phrase or this paragraph or that scene. I'm kind of rusty and out of practice right now, but once I get back into it, I mean, I'm very aware that there are people on my flist and in my general circle of personal influence who outrank me a lot in terms of sheer talent, but I don't think that also negates that I can tell a decent story when I have one!
But. But. For some reason, that does not include sex at all. It used to be a matter of embarrassment, and I guess to some degree that does still exist, but it's pretty negligible in the long run; the problem is that when I try, it feels clunky and awkward and not very much how I'd want it to be. And I think part of it is just the writing style I've settled into; I'm much better with gen--or even relationshippy stuff, just not anything physical! (To be fair, I also have this issue with fight scenes, though it's a lot easier for me to youtube awesome fight scenes to get an idea of what I want, or feel less silly when I do something blatantly unrealistic, because hey, these are canons where ridiculous fighting is often the name of the game, but at least in theory everyone I'm writing about is human and has the same basic anatomy and we can't really bend that way, or that doesn't go there, or whatever. Cry.) If I write a long story where there is a sex scene, that is the scene I am always unhappiest with--I honestly can't think of any exception to this rule. Which makes reviewing any of the essential PWPs I've written pretty weird, as I'm pretty much like :V I CAN'T TELL IF THIS IS ANYTHING BUT WEIRD. It's not like I have a problem with sex, or reading/watching material that contains it explicitly, and co-writing or RPing it isn't an issue for me! It's only when I'm by myself! :(
And I think part of the problem is that I read/used to read a handful of western media fandoms, where they are about some pretty hardcore and/or explicit stuff--there is a certain quality to those stories that I can recognize as a reader but can't really qualify--and as a writer, I can't ever seem to tap it. I'm not really big on writer-envy (there are some, both pro and non, who I would love to write more like, but not necessarily emulate their style/write EXACTLy like them), but it's something that I do wish I could manage! Or even articulate properly, since normally when I try, it ends up with a lot of handwaving and making a o____o face instead. I mean, I am more of a fan of sex as being an element for the story and the characters, not just for gratuitous "this is hot" or fanservice, but unless it's meant to be something deliberately off-putting or unpleasant (because the character is, or the situation), why not make it hot? If you can. Which is where the problem lies, for me!
WAT DO.
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