I've only read the Hawkeye one so far - I'll get to the others later - but I wanted to give some feedback on this one before I forget.
It is, of course, amazing. You perfectly capture the way I think Hawkeye would think - she sees clearly, with a patient eye and a mind that catches things others don't, and her feelings for Roy, Ed, and Winry are so wonderfully expressed.
You have a bit of trouble with time and pronouns toward the middle of the piece. You go 'back' to recall Hawkeye following Roy into the military (her hating guns is a detail I looooove), and then say "two years later," which leads the reader to potentially assume you're talking about two years after Hawkeye joined the military, not returning to the subject of Winry and skipping ahead in *that* frame. You might watch out for that in the rest of the fic - that's the one that really caught me, though.
It's amazing, though. Thank you for giving my favorite character a little more background and a lot more life.
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Date: 2004-04-10 10:50 am (UTC)It is, of course, amazing. You perfectly capture the way I think Hawkeye would think - she sees clearly, with a patient eye and a mind that catches things others don't, and her feelings for Roy, Ed, and Winry are so wonderfully expressed.
You have a bit of trouble with time and pronouns toward the middle of the piece. You go 'back' to recall Hawkeye following Roy into the military (her hating guns is a detail I looooove), and then say "two years later," which leads the reader to potentially assume you're talking about two years after Hawkeye joined the military, not returning to the subject of Winry and skipping ahead in *that* frame. You might watch out for that in the rest of the fic - that's the one that really caught me, though.
It's amazing, though. Thank you for giving my favorite character a little more background and a lot more life.