[FIC][Kingdom Hearts] 5 reasons Riku was never left alone with Maleficent's council

[nekokoban]

I fail at titles. I also fail at posting, since this was finished, er, weeks ago. I'm sorry, Lyssie. T_T

5 reasons Riku was never left alone with Maleficent's council
Kingdom Hearts (1)
363 words
for voodoobob, who said RIKU VS. DISNEY VILLAINS. Um.

+++++

-1-

Agrabah was scorchingly hot and unpleasant; even hiding in the deepest parts of the palace weren't enough to escape from the heat of the day. Riku had grown up on an island that had at least an ocean that made the tropical sun bearable. Here in the desert, there was nothing but the shimmer of sun off sand, until that and sweat in his eyes made him dizzy.

He needed something -- and with proper precautions, one little Blizzaga spell wouldn't hurt that much, right?

... and anyway, Jafar's resulting tantrum probably caused more damage to his stupid tapestries in the end.

-2-

If that stupid grinning burlap sack of bugs asked him "Do you want some candy, little boy?" one more time, Riku was going to commit cheerful and excessive violence.

And not even with Soul Edge, oh no; he'd take the axe from that drooling Behemoth's head and go for it.

-3-

"... She has tentacles," he said flatly. "And she keeps grinning at me. NO."

-4-

Being on a real-life pirate ship was actually more a disappointment than anything else. When they'd played pirates, him and

(sora and)

Kairi, they'd been serious, always swordfighting and stealing treasure and getting away scott-free. Hook spent most of his time pacing and making dramatic gestures to the approval of his crew, and shaking his fist in the general direction of the stars, like he could find Peter Pan lurking behind the next cloud.

And the fact that he screamed like a little girl when Riku's alarm clock went off was the lamest part of the whole deal.

-5-

maleficent's fingers are cold and hard and her nails knifelike; she's always very nice in her own way, but whenever she smiles at him, it takes all his willpower just to keep from being sick.

once he saw her shadow on the wall and it wasn't a woman, it was a dragon, and even that shadow had eyes that glowed virulent green. it looked like it was smiling, a monster from fairytales come to eat the hearts of naughty little boys.

but she's promised and promised and *promised* that she'll get kairi's heart back so it's worth it.

he hopes.

Comments

[torsui.livejournal.com]

.... cackle at the first, maniacal grin at the second, lmfao at the third, half-aw, half-hilarity at the fourth, and an '.... oh riku....' at the fifth.

and love for all of them.

[nekokoban]

Thank you. :D I'm especially glad the humor parts worked, what with Ursula and her SCARY TENTACLES. XD

♥ Thankee for reading~ :D

[sister-coyote.livejournal.com]

They're all fantastic (alarmclock! ahahahaha.) but five is just... oh, Riku.

[nekokoban]

Sometimes, imagining the snot that Riku could be in the first game, I think he might've left a "going-away present" for Hook before he left Neverland.

... but that might just be me. XD

Thank you, I'm glad you liked these♥♥

[miss-arel.livejournal.com]

It's... it's like a slice of five layer cake where the first four layers are made of funny and awesome and cute and then the last layer is made of solid wibble. Master chef, A+++, would eat again!

I think 3 is my favorite. So short, and yet it says so much. XD

[nekokoban]

God yes. *I* wouldn't want to be left alone with a booby tentacled lady who smiled like that, either. XD

Awesome, AND I got the Ishida-Orihime flaily icon. I WIN.

♥♥

[fuyu]

Ahahahaha, NO APOLOGIES, because this is awesome at any time ♥

#1-3 are hilarious, with #2 I think being my favorite (though #3 is perhaps a close second - Ursula/Riku tentaporn Y/N? XD). #4 is awesome for being so funny but also a little bitter - and I like how Riku has such a disbelieving tone about Hook's actions, even though he actually probably COULD find Peter behind the next cloud. I think it says something about Riku.

And #5... MALEFICENT IS BADTOUCHING RIKU ISN'T SHE. ISN'T SHE. D:

The line about eating the hearts of naughty little boys hits like a gunshot; it's like, he keeps justifying his actions to himself, but deep down he KNOWS he's doing the wrong thing, even if he won't admit it to himself, and it comes out in his fears: the dragon's gonna eat me because I've been bad.

Ow. ;_;

You packed so much funny and so much wibble and so much character insight into less than 400 words. I salute you. :D

[nekokoban]

Ahahahahahaha♥

Dude, if one is going to have Disney Villain/Riku badtouch porn, it needs to be Maleficent, but that goes a little too far in the dark broken badtouch porn that I don't really want to think about. Because man, Riku. D:

Riku is such a sad boy at times. .____. But, at least it ended up happy ending (-ish?) for him at the end of the two current games?

Yeiiii, I'm so glad you liked this♥♥♥

[fuyu]

Yeaaaaah... Maleficent/Riku badtouch is the kind of thing I would kind of morbidly like to see, but only if I could then go replay the KH2 ending and read some happy OT3 fluff to comfort myself. D:

I loved it ♥ ♥ ♥ Thank you ♥

[kawaiigami.livejournal.com]

My responses are as follows:
1--*rofl* Not that Riku chose to perform the spell near those tapestries on purpose or anything, oh no. XD

2-- I like the phrase "cheerful and excessive violence," for some reason. I'd want to smack Oogie in that situation myself. With a baseball bat.

3--Yeah, that about sums things up.

4--Awww, for Riku's memories. XD XD XD XD *lol* for the clock reference. Those scenes in the game about made me bust a gut.

5-- " 'Cause the gobble-uns'll get ya IF YA DON"T WATCH OUT!" Probably my favorite, because, as someone says, it plays on Riku's subconscious knowledge that he's being a bad boy, and we all know what happens to them. You get major bonus points for working in the dragon, IMHO. (Though I'm NOT looking forward to fighting it.)

In other words, a very fun read. :) Thank you for posting.

[nekokoban]

1. No, no, of COURSE not. The fact that Jafar was an irritating self-important long-winded idiot had nooooothing to do with it. :D

2. That phrase is actually one I'll use occasionally, in manic-anger. Because I mean, it's Oogie Boogie -- who DOESN'T want to smack him a few times? XD

3. TENTACLE PORN: RIKU SAYS N/N. XD

5. Maleficent's dragon is actually a childhood terror of mine -- I have vague memories of being very young and watching Sleeping Beauty and being freaked out by the dragon and all her green fire.

Suffice to say, to this day, Maleficent remains (in my head) one of the scariest and truest villains EVER, forgetting all other stories and universes and whatnot. XD;

I'm glad you liked this, thank you! :D

[kawaiigami.livejournal.com]

It's funny, I was actually pretty fearless as a kid--watched The Black Cauldron and didn't bat an eyelash, which surprised my mom. It was when I got older that movies started spooking me.

Meleficent is, hands-down, THE most badass Disney villain in my book. I don't think they've made one yet that can match her.

[surasha.livejournal.com]

"... She has tentacles," he said flatly. "And she keeps grinning at me. NO."

DAHAHAHA! XD You managed so much fun in so few words. Extraordinary! Much love to you!

[nekokoban]

TENTACLE PORN NO THANK YOU, SAYS RIKU. XD

Thank you, I'm so happy these worked♥♥ XD