This is about as close as I get to "candid"

Dear Starbucks, why must your peppermint bark brownies be so tasty! And expensive. :(
Secret: While I laugh at all the Starbucks jokes -- and living in Seattle, they're pretty damn copious -- I actually have yet to be disatisfied with any drink or food I've gotten there. And the people who work at the outlet next to my workplace are kind of super-awesome. I get compliments on my hair and smiley faces drawn on my drink cups and heckled for wanting bagels when there aren't any. They're nice. :x

However: I have been promised cookies on Monday. Soothe my heart with other baked goods, because I'm really easy that way.

Have been hacking away at the Yuletide story -- it's a lot of fun, but my mental image of myself after posting it is sort of like, I dunno, the bloody and beaten shounen hero staggering triumphantly in with an arm around a friend's shoulders because one's too tired to quite stand on one's own and being all "THUMBS UP, GUYS, THUMBS UP." I'm just a little worried that my recipient won't like it, because I just may shrivel up and fade away a little if that's the case. XD

Recently, I have been waffling between a) wanting more tactics fic, damnit D: and b) wanting fic about Griselda and her mother (Odin Sphere). I joke that Griselda's the only character in the game who totally had her shit together and NO ISSUES, and of course she dies in the very first scene. I blame "93 Maidens," which inarticulate pimped the other day; the majority of it isn't actually that fitting, but the parts that DO feel like they really do. I think part of me is vaguely disappointed that Griselda and Gwendolyn's mother is reduced only to two throwaway comments. I don't actually care so much about the other missing parents in the game -- but somehow I'm disappointed, in a way, that Ragnanival's Queen is never explained.

... I think my big problem right now is that I feel a little beside myself. I have a number of Big Projects inprogress that I have been throwing myself at with all the satisfaction of a kid who knows the ground'll catch her with minimum damage, but ... it's like I want to do more. :\ I want to write more! I want to write a lot more, but am feeling distinctly uncreative and uninspired.

I've got the energy, but neither the focus nor the drive -- nor, in fact, ANY IDEA WHATSOEVER OF WHAT I'M DOING -- to get anything done. I pick a little at this, I poke a little at that, and then the next thing I know, I'm playing Spider Solitaire and losing. It's a little distressing. :| That may be one of my only quibbles with tiny fandoms -- I love their smaller, "safer" feeling, and the fact that there are a handful where I can look at all the names and go "hey! I know you! you're on my flist!" but at the same time, there are times when I miss the heyday of, oh, YahooGroups and mailing lists and stuff. XD Not because I necessarily think it was better "back then," but because that was where I got my start, and it feels more interactive (in wistful rose-colored memory) than some of the communities I watch today.

Confession: I really wish I knew more people online. XD; Or I could interact with people more -- I have a problem with not being comfortable with spamming people with random things unless I know them, and that list is like ... five. At tops. I'm conditionally shy; I am super-loud and blunt and spammy if I know and am friends with someone; around people I don't know or barely know, I just sort of ... clam up and smile and nod a lot. Most of the time, I feel like I need to have something worth contributing before I plonk myself into someone's LJ thread(s) or whatever and start yammering.

On the flipside, I really wish people would do that to ME more often, because I really like talking to folks. Especially in tiny fandoms. T^Tb I, I'm not that boring, am I? Oh god, I hope not. XD;

What I need is a revolution, but this late in the year, where on EARTH am I gonna find one.