Life, the universe, and everything

[nekokoban]

So I will be doing my weekly status report later today (spoilers: I succeeded), but mostly today I am just kind of. At ends. I just got off the phone with my mother, and it feels a little like physically, my family's falling apart. My dad's bad habits are amplified about a thousandfold now that he's retired (he smokes, he drinks--both copiously--while he barely eats and sleeps a lot; he's been having stomach problems, but refuses to see a doctor even though family's been yelling at him), Mom is having some problems (suffice to say, they want to run two tests: one's an MRI, which she'll be doing Tuesday; the other is a biopsy, neither of which make me feel any better), and my one remaining grandparent (my mom's mom, who raised me and was the one relative I was closest to growing up) is in need of surgery but is balking at the idea. She's very sick, but it's that sort of--she's been very sick and doing badly for nearly twenty years now, so it's less of an overwhelming D8 feeling and more of a low grade, tired sort of worry.

So part of me is just very--it's not really zen because sometimes it hits me that my parents are in middling-to-bad health, when they're not that old (Mom turned sixty this year; Dad turned sixty-one, and both of them had their birthdays right at the beginning of August) and it freaks me out, but it's also--something I can forget, sometimes? Or I can let it go and not let it bother me, because I'm in my own life, not theirs, and there's not much my worrying and unhappiness can accomplish for them (as my mom is very quick to point out; I had to kind of badger the news of her own health out of her because she was going to NOT say in order to not worry me).

On the other hand, it's like I told her--she's my mom, and I still need her, though it's not in the same way I did when I was younger. We have very different interests and hobbies, and we clash more than we don't about my own life and choices, but she's still my mom, and I still want her to be healthy. (Dad too, of course--but my relationship with my dad is an ... interesting one. Now that I'm independant and living on my own, it's infinitely more comfortable and friendly than it was when I was younger. Pretty much now he dispenses Fatherly Wisdom like "make sure you're eating well," "see a doctor regularly*," and "do things you like, because that's why you're working.")

Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife.


* Note that, as stated above, Dad does not follow his own advice, as he is refusing to see doctors himself. And this was before he lost the insurance coverage he got from IBM.

Comments

[shadawyn.livejournal.com]

Yeah... it's hard not to go into the similar kinds of things me and M are dealing with in regards to our fathers, but I will cut myself off to suffice to say I offer hugs and extreme empathy :(

[rivendellrose.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I get a lot of that kind of thing with my parents, too. It's tough, in ways that there aren't really good ways to cope with.

[naye]

Our parents are almost exactly the same age, so - yeah. Everything. *hugs*

[miss-arel.livejournal.com]

Lots of hugs for you, hon, and empathy, too.

[sigelphoenix.livejournal.com]

I ... have pretty much the same feelings about my parents, because a lot of circumstances are similar. Recognizing the fragility of our parents is pretty scary. *hugs*

[ningen-demonai.livejournal.com]

*Hugs as I'm not quite sure what to say ;;*

[kawaiigami.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[irishninja.livejournal.com]

*big hugs*

I can relate to this and what you're going through, so...

*more big hugs*

If you ever want/need to talk or whatever, I'm just three floors down. We can go get a coffee from the cafe or whatever. :) Of course, I'm also available after work, but we're farther apart then. ;)