Today, I looked at my info page and noticed that one of my old gang from Austin had defriended me, and that got me to thinking. So, uh, yeah -- kind of longish thoughtful (possibly wangsty?) entry ahead. I don't mean to come across as accusative to her, so those of you guys who know the both of us, please don't take it like that. It's just sort of made me stop and think for a bit.

You know, once upon a time I used to be really wistful and jealous of popular kids, because I always wanted to have a lot of friends, just like they did. And then I got a bit older, met some people, formed bonds -- and I realized I didn't really want to be popular, I just wanted a solid core group of people I could always return to, and count on to stick with and by me, no matter what happened. There was even a point where I felt sorry for "popular" kids, because in my own childish self-superiority, I thought that surely no "popular" kids could have the sort of deeper friendships that we nerds on the fringes (not really the "jocks," and not quite the "outcasts") could have.

These days, though, I think that perhaps true friendship is something that does have to be defined from person to person. Something that has really started irking me, as I get older, are broad definitive descriptions of something -- love is wanting to always be with and care for a certain person, or friendships are the people you know for years and years and are comfortable with, and so on. I believe all these things, but I believe it's more than that -- being a friend, I personally think, is also going to someone and saying look, you're being a total asshat, cut that out, and saying it as crudely as you deem necessary in order to make it take effect. I know some folks who think friendship is the diplomacy of speaking politely and sideways through your mouth to avoid any flareups.

Mostly, I'm thinking that I feel like I'm drifting apart from friends I knew for years, and after a long and tiresome week (which isn't quite over yet -- I've papers due next Friday that I plan to tackle huge chunks of this weekend), little things have hit me harder than they normally do. And I realized that I haven't talked to a lot of my Austin friends in nearly the three months it's been since winter break, and some of them, it feels like it's been longer, because there's this steady slow sense of drifting apart, and I'm not sure what I've done to help or hinder that -- or, in fact, if this was just something that happened.

In particular, there's one person that I'm not sure how things changed -- it just seemed that one moment, we were friends, and the next, I was just a passing acquaintence of hers, while she remained good friends with all of my good friends, and we were just ... on different spectrums. I'm sure you Austinites know who I'm talking about, but for the sake of being discreet, I won't name names. [wry] A lot of it is my fault too, I think; I'm a horribly passive person, and if I feel like I've been rebuffed even once by someone, I tend to drop back and feel like it's not worth the effort; obviously, the person either didn't like me at all, or at least doesn't like me any more, and the effort seems worthless.

Probably, in that way, I'm good at losing friendships. I'm more tempermental than I like to admit to being, I think.

At the same time ... it's something of a sting, to look back and realize that after years of friendship, there's someone I'm looking at that feels like a stranger to me. Because it really sucks, you know, to suddenly go from being a member of a person's close circle of friends to a total outsider to them, and not being quite sure when this change took place. It just sucks, because you've ended up somewhere you didn't mean to be, and you're not entirely sure you like it. I feel sort of like I've pissed this person off, though in all honesty, I haven't been interacting with her enough to really do that. I think.

But I've at least tried to make new overtures. I've e-mailed her and a couple of others, trying to say hello, it's been a while, we'll see how it goes.

And I'm grateful to you Seattlites, as well as my online posse; it's hard to be that mopey and OH NOES GRAY SKIES when I've got people spazzing at me about the big and the little things.
[ profile] rivendellrose, if you see this, please IM me or e-mail me or something~ our birthdays are next week, and while I've got a test on yours-proper, it's been Heavily Suggested we try doing some kind of gig on the weekend. XD I know that [ profile] shadawyn has Sunday off, but we've got Saturday morning brunch, so hey. Gimme a buzz, okay? ♥

Next chapter in Bioscientific Termiology, I think we start having to memorize suffixes as well as prefixes and bases. SUCK ASS. Watch as this is the final that completely kills me dead, and not because it's difficult, no, but because I have to remember stuff. I suppose I should be grateful that my strongest point in languages is vocabulary moreso than grammar. XD; On the other hand, I get to sleep in tomorrow (Thursdays were sucktastic spring quarter, but my bestest day this one, so far♥), my Ochem lab TA is cool, and roomie procured tapes, so that we can tape our shows and watch them later. X3 No more missing Iron Chef! XD

And, idly, whose brilliant idea was it to bundle QuickTime so that you can only get it with iTunes? _o_ I've got a LOT of friends who swear by that program, and have sung its praises to me many a time, and I just ... don't like it. XD;; It's clunky, it does weird things to my playlists, and it constantly lists the songs in my library twice, which makes me feel like I've got two copies of a song floating around, when I know I don't. o_o Maybe there's some magical iTunes-fu that I'm unaware of; as it is, it seems kind of sad that I had to download the entire package, install it as iTunes, and then UNINSTALL just iTunes, so I can have QuickTime. XD;

I also like how it was brilliant and sunny and nice while I was walking around to go to classes, and now that I'm done for the day and chilling in my room, it's turned gray and cloudy. XD

So, today in the club, they caught me and made me watch the first episode of Bleach, subtitled. XD (Chiraluv, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?) And it's interesting, in a sense, because it's like duuuude, it's the same old story all over again -- but it is and it isn't. And then I wonder, well, if there's no such thing as a truly original idea any more, what is it about certain cliches and reused plots that give them staying power? (For example, the continuous popularity of porn. Or vampires. And even vampiric porn, since I've heard the Laurell K. Hamilton rant before.)

It's a person-to-person thing, certainly; I've argued this point with Jesse a few times, especially since his tastes in stuff tends to run opposite of mine, and he's now the club librarian, which means he's got something not quite unlike ultimate power when it comes to the showings. Unless he doesn't, and I've been cruelly misled all this time. Me, I like a good friendship story which I can totally misinterpret have fun reading about; I like stories where the uber-powerful knowing savior of the world actually grows up knowing themselves, rather than the "OMG WE MUST KEEP THIS PERSON IN THE DARK!", and I like the whole theme of overcoming your mistakes and making a better person/life for yourself. (Hellooooo, FMA, is your movie out yet?)

Once upon a time, I was going somewhere with this. But roomie's out till 6:30 tonight, so I'm torn between taking my shower or trying to find where the *##%*(#&! I put my notebook so I can see if my old NaNo ideas are still pinging at me. >_> It's a long time till supper~
nekokoban: (Default)
( Oct. 4th, 2004 04:11 pm)
The good news is, I don't have two tests next week, the Friday after my birthday (WTF I don't feel like I'm almost about to be legal. Is this bad?).

The BAD news is, I have two tests this week, coming up this Friday. XD;; And then one next Friday, which'll probably be my hardest one, DAMN YOU OCHEM. It's also sort of bizarre to think that I've been here nearly three weeks and haven't had even ONE Ochem lecture yet. That'll be taken care of tomorrow. (DNA electrophoresis, let's see how patient I can be with all the equipment! XD;)

Am, like, stupidly looking forward to the notion of getting out of HFS in a houseshare with my buddies. XD At the same time, though, I really do like my room and current roommate; you gotta love someone who's also geeked out on all the same things you are. She's playing Kingdom Hearts right now, and I've done most of the studying I intend to for today (it's all vocabulary, pretty much, for both tests o_o), so hey. It's all good. XD

You know, for all that it's sucktastic waking up early in the morning (roomie's alarm goes off at six, which means I'm groggy and half-awake for the two hours till my alarm and lolling about in bed), I LIKE having this end-early schedule. XD It gives me time to be lazetastic, though that'll hopefully (?) change soon. HALL HEALTH SCIENCES HAVE LAB POSITIONS OPEN! ONWARD HO!

And this week, the clubs start their regular schedules again♥ Which means my schedule is well and truly finalized this week, w00t.

Glad to see most of the people on my flist who saw ep51 of FMA seemed to like it. XD Some parts were ooooobviously left open for the movie, which will HOPEFULLY be a more definitive ending, but hey. XD I mean, seriously, how did people expect it to end? What constitutes a "good" ending for a series that you've been following for a year or longer -- how much closure does the audience really want, and how much do they want open-ended, for the sake of speculation? And not even for fanfic, just -- for the sake of having it open-ended?

To me, loose ends are all well and good, and I like a FEW just for the implication that the story isn't really ended, just our time following it. However, I do not appreciate loose endings that are obviously fabricated when the creator sells out and makes a sequel to something that DID NOT need a sequel. HELLO, WATASE YUU, I STILL REMEMBER AND AM LOOKING AT YOU.

.... /random tangent
/back to flashcards!
Because I'm bored, because it's summer, and because I'm too pleasantly sleepy (for some reason, what XD) to really focus on the other things I wanted to do today.

1. Happy Birfdei, [ profile] fyredancer! Wuff j00. :3

2. I like citrus of all sorts, from the actual fruit to flavored stuff. All other kind of fruit though -- especially cherry and grape -- I only really like when it's the fruit itself. So why the hell do I guzzle cherry coke like mad, and don't think it tastes like cough syrup, which is my impression of pretty much every fruit-flavored soda?

3. As I was out early today running errands, the radio DJ said that the weather was currently seventy-nine degrees. According to Seattlelite friends, it's something in the nineties up there.

... awwww, you know, I love you guys♥ Thank you for surprising me by switching our weathers. X3

4. Am I the only person in the world (or, at least, of the anime fen on my flist) who has no interest in seeing more of KKM? XD; I watched the first two episodes raw with [ profile] seraphic_jen and while it was cute enough, felt no desire to go on. Perhaps, I should say -- even though I'm a slash fan, series that have canon slash seem to rarely interest me, unless the slash pairings are peripherial. (FAKE is about the only exception, really. Hmph.)

5. No matter how screwed you think your fandom is, J-fen will, nine times out of ten, top you till you bleed. Um. I blame that one on [ profile] harukami reminding me of the existence of Hughes/Armstrong, ENHANCED BY HER SENDING ME A ONE-PAGE COMIC OF IT HA HA HA I GO DIE NOW.

6. In light of 5., what is it about human nature that makes you click the link to look at a story or art that you know, deep in your soul, will be bad and make you cry tears of blood? More than any carelessness or stresses on my part, I think trainwreck syndrome will be what kills me. [hollow voice] I will never be clean. [/melodrama] XD

7. My dad is the most gung-ho go-get-'em! person there is ... unless it involves him getting up and doing stuff. XD; I say this because he's supposed to help me with moving furniture off the deck so I can wash and stain it, but -- hell. "Dad, wanna move the stuff?" "Let's wait till the sun goes down, it'll be cooler. >_>" "Dad, how about NOW?" "Going to bed, sorry!"

However, if he says "Do the dishes" and I say "okay" -- he stands there and gives me the Pointed Parental Look of DOOM until I get up and do so. There's something skewed about this. *snrk*

8. EVERY SINGLE TIME I HAVE THE RADIO ON IN THE CAR, "SUNRISE" COMES ON. It's a good song; it's happy; I like it, but -- it's like being in Z's car, and having "Harder to Breathe" come on in some shape, form or fashion, even when we're not listening to a CD. I'm tempted to squawk about radio conspiracies or something silly like that. XD

9. OMG PUPPIES!!!!!1111111!!11! No, really. XD PUPPIES. So cute, that even cat people go "awwww" at the sight of them! (AUGH I WANT ONE. T_T)

10. I love [ profile] fst. No, really. It's a damn good thing I got a new HD when I did, because wow. LOVE. >DDDDDDDD The next time things open up, I am so tempted to try and make one of my own, just from the hodgepodge of music I've been collecting since, uh, people on my flist decided to do musicposts. XD
nekokoban: (woobity! :D)
( Jul. 22nd, 2004 01:52 pm)
(If this posts twice, I apologize -- LJ is being dumb. RAWRGH. >____>)

So, yesterday, spent a lot of time poking around the different journal servers out there -- LJ, natch, and then a bit of DeadJournal, a little of GreatestJournal, JournalFen, and so forth. I mean, one of the things I do miss about being home for the summer is that I live out in the suburb-ish area, out away from the busiest parts of the city; it's not quite so easy to just wander out to some small place and people-watch.

I mean hell, in my particular dorm building, if I want to observe people, all I have to do is leave my door open and watch the comings and goings in the lounge, or go downstairs to the cafeteria. In any city enviroment, there's no shortage of people, just from my experiences. [grins]

But you know, in a way, it's the same for journals online, too -- in many ways, you're getting a much more personal view of the people you're looking at. I mean, using myself as an example -- you can look at me and see I'm fidgety, that I constantly play with my hair, and have a tendency to either dawdle or walk too fast. That you can get by noticing me when you're doing people-watching in a crowd; what you don't know is that I always crush eggshells before I throw them away (a habit born from childhood superstition), that I like cherry coke, or that I write. Conversely, you can get those from me, but not the physical characteristics, by reading my various blogs.

It's interesting -- I've always heard that advice of "write what you know," which I think is good to an extent; at the same time, dude. If people only wrote what they knew, what they'd had firsthand experience with, we wouldn't have huge chunks of the sci-fi and fantasy genres, which would be tremendously sad for me, both as a writer and a reader. XD But when it comes to creating characters -- yes, I think it's important to draw traits from real people, even those you don't necessarily know. You see a child in the park with a certain brilliant smile, you take it, and then you try to describe it when you write a character. They say you always put a piece of yourself into characters you write, but I think it's better if you put shades and echoes of others you know.

That gets into tricky territory, though -- what if you're basing a character on someone, and that person reads the story and takes offense? If someone wrote about my tendency to spazz and go tenaciously stupid, and I could recognize myself in that -- well, yeah, I'd be hurt, but at the same time ... well, all right, maybe it's me, but I really find it fascinating to see someone through multiple viewpoints. I think that's still why I write and read a lot of fanfic -- because the whole multiple viewpoint thing interests me. I see Character A as a sick and twisted character; my friend sees him as just a guy who's made some really horrible mistakes, but isn't terrible under it all, even though we're watching the same series and events.

Given that half the time, I think of life as just some gigantic story -- "all the world's a stage," and all -- I think it would be interesting to see someone take traits from me and write them into a character. I know one of my Dragon's Pen friends has mentioned he could easily imagine taking elements of all of our group and writing them as characters in his novels, and me, I think it'd be cool to see. But I can understand why someone wouldn't like that, especially if the portrayal is less than flattering, so ...

I think the key is to take parts of that personality you see, and doctor it. Give the character slightly different motives for acting that way than (your impression of) those the actual person has. Maybe the spazz grew up in a loud household (not mine) and is loud because that's the best way, in their experience, to be heard.

-- and I'm sorta getting off-track. XD; This was originally meant to be more of a journal thing. There are certain trends I've noticed throughout for posting on these journal servers, that have always vaguely confused me. It goes back to the whole "why do people do what they do?" sort of thing, motives and all. I'm horrible, I'm sorry. XD

On journal servers with 'friends,' why bother friending yourself? It's one thing if, like several of my friends, you've got separate fic/art journals and a personal one, but what's the point of friending yourself on a server? I honestly don't get it. o_o

Lyricposts, too. Why do some people feel the need to just post lyrics in lieu of entries? I mean, a journal is, for all intents and purposes that I've always known, to be a forum where the owner can relate thoughts/experiences/creations, in his/her own words. I rarely, if ever, have seen much interest in lyricposts, but they still pop up. Why? Is it just for the gratuitous "here's what I'm listening to!" because the little 'Current Music' entry field most of these journal servers provide isn't enough? I'm honestly curious; I've had times where I fling lyrics at friends or had it done to me vice-versa over AIM, usually along the lines of a character/story songcall. I don't see so much of that in LJ (and DJ, and Jfen, and so forth), just -- "look! lyrics! yay?"

Also, more generally -- how often do people post, or check their flist? Is there anoyne else, who goes back every two-three hours (and sometimes every half-hour, when I'm especially bored XD;;) to refresh and see if anything new's been posted? What prompts people to make entries about anything? Additionally, when are you usually moved to comment? Not necessarily on fics, but anything --is it the "haofdjpaejr;afa STUBBED MY TOE!" post that gets the "omg u poor thing!" reply x 20, the "I'm sick, blarrrrgh!" entry gets a few well-wishers, and so on. What drives you to post, and to comment? Personal interest? Boredom? Because you need to get in touch with the person and know that like me they are sad and easily bored and will likely check e-mail before an flist it's easier to get in touch with them via LJ/e-mailed comments?

I'm just nosily curious, and wondering. XD Anyone?
[[Prefacing notes: I believe my domain--and thus, my regular e-mail--are working again. If they're not, kick me in the head and I'll go yell at my provider. XD;

[ profile] calintz, the artbook came today! ♥♥♥♥♥ And it makes me very very happy, thank you again SO MUCH. Mmmm, artebookage. >D

And for you people who are unimpressed with my talks about life and random things, you people who friended me for fic, I'll be pathetic and drop a reminder: Youthful Flowers, In Spring, my first Naruto fic. Woo. XD]]

Or not, really, but that's what I was thinking about, at any rate, so that's what I'm stuck with, unless I make some brilliant deductive leap from A to X and skip everything in between. XD

It's interesting; I used to blog daily, about the most inane things. I'd toss in little self-references to school friends I hung out with and knew read my blog, I'd wax poetical on some small lunch quote or reference--I just talked a whole helluva frickin' lot. And actually, I still do, just to a less broad audience now, considering of my buddylist, I only talk to about three people nightly. XD More to the point, I nattered on like the online journal was just a daily one, and there are likely very embarrassing admissions/confessions in my old archive, if only I had the time and attention span to look. *snrks*

A little later on--maybe a year or so after, I still blogged daily, but it became more of a "what am I thinking? what am I feeling?" thing, rather than a list of my daily events. I'd still talk about them, and mention anything that really stuck out in my memory--but somewhere along the way, I picked up the impression that if I blogged, I should at least try to say something, even if it meant my post was that much shorter, than go on endlessly about nothing. So while I interspersed anecdotes about myself and my life, I also started using my blog as somethng of a forum. That is to say, there weren't many people (I think) coming by to read my entries, and probably fewer still who commented--but I still used that as a place where I could work out, at least in rambling text, how I thought/felt about things--writing, friendships, love, and the whole bizarrely interesting sociology of fandom. (Sometimes, I think, if I can't become a writer, I'll moonlight as some crazy quack psychologist, looking into all different fandoms and the dynamics of how people interact, the "society of nice" and the elitism, the supposed wars that go on beneath the surface, and how it applies to general trends observed in everyday society, like the workplace or the school. [grins])

Er, but I digress.

Somewhere along halfway through my sophmore year, I just ... stopped. It wasn't that I didn't have things to still talk about, or relate, even if it was only to a limited audience--I think it was time problems, and the stresses of that. I enjoy the sciences, but given the personality I have, it can be terribly hard for me to keep a cool perspective when push comes to shove. XD;;;;; I think I'm better than I was, but I still have friends that give me the Long-Suffering I Told You So treatment whenever I mention my grades. *snrks*

Now, especially as summer has begun ... I spend most of my days, honestly, as a semi-hermit. There's a variety of reasons for this--people are busy, or I'm in antisocial mode (I freely admit that I'm still on my uber-bizarre spring schedule, in which I got maybe six hours of sleep a night and was alternately HYPERSOCIAL! and apathetically "meh, sleepy"). I do a lot of writing, I poke around Japanese fanart sites and horribly abuse the jBrowse toolbar I've downloaded (on the plus side, I think I've learned at least twenty new kanji from it and the FMA fandom alone XD), and I play copious amounts of Solitaire, usually when WinAmp comes up with something I want to sing along with and I can't be distracted from either sets of words--sung and written. XD;;;;;;

(Seriously, I wonder if anyone else has done this--been on the phone, or singing, or *something*, and accidentally mixed up the two different mediums. I've said things I was typing, or typed things I was saying, which totally throws the conversation into disarray, let me tell you. XD)

Still, in a situation like this, I should ideally (at least, in my head) be blogging more. I AM COLLEGE STUDENT HURRH HURRH, part of the future of the nation, blah blah blah. I mean, hell, I am Young Adult--it should be difficult to get me to shut up. And now I've got plenty of time to write about what I'm thinking, what I'm considering--no stresses, no distractions, and it's still at least another month before I should even start expecting to see my housing info come in and find out who my new roommate'll be. I have organic chemistry to review, but it's not pressing, and I've had several people tell me the only thing I need to know from my earlier quarters before I take 239 are the naming conventions.

I just ... don't. I remember reading somewhere that, when you do something consecutively for thirty days, then it becomes a "habit" and you no longer think of it. In that case, I've gotten into the habit of not blogging, for all my insistences that I would, by gods and fishes, start blogging regularly again. So much for that, wot? [wry]

In a way, this is me trying to get back into the blogging habit--because when I think about it, I do miss having a place where I could natter about my day (which I still could do, on the days I do things)--a place where I could let out little stresses so I don't scare friends by turning into some soppy weeping mess on them. XD And if that happens, I'll probably relagate that to the regular blog--there are so freaking many people on LJ, and I think most of you folks out there didn't friend me for my sparkling wit and scintillating conversation skills, but rather, what paltry dry fic I occasionally throw out. XD

Then again, knowing me, I'll post something in LJ that will get a discussion-thread going, and I'll be so happy for that, that I'll continue spamming my poor flist with things, in the hopes that I'll find that magical subject again that gets people going. Haha, I am teh funneh. XD
ETA: People are always free to IM me and debate about the archiving issue; I'm aware it seemed rather abrupt and sharp on my part, so, yeah. [wry] On the one hand, it's me wanting to justify myself even more; on the other, it's to show that I'm not afraid of my choice, and I am willing to discuss with people about it. You can catch me on AIM as merryswallow, though because of my moving schedule, you may not get me consistently till Saturday night. XD; Errr.

My finals are over, and ye great gods and little fishes, it feels good. _o_ Of course, almost as immediately as I was done, I was whisked off to dinner, bubble tea, and a mini-FMA marathon--and now I have to be PACKED by ten tomorrow morning holy hell. I am chicken with head cut off, yes I AM.

I think they actually went well--there were the requisite "Oh my god, did we even go OVER this stuff?!" moments on the Bio test, but I think I pulled off at least the minimum grade I needed in Ochem to get the minimum 3.5 I wanted. [grins] Ideally, I could've made a 100% and gotten the full 4.0, but I'm not gonna worry about that until, uh--tomorrow, when the grades are finished and posted. >_>

And, so, yeah, about the mini-wank today, over the archiving ... honestly, it makes me a little ill to be directly involved with wank, especially over something that was, I feel, entirely well-meant on both sides. _o_ Suffice to say, I will not be hosted on the Scimitar Smile archive any more; there's been some disagreement with the archivist over hosting policies, and while I do wish her the best of luck in everything in the future, my own stand on the matter pushed me up to it. [wry]

Let me preface this next bit with saying that I DO, in fact, have a lot of respect and admiration for Sol for undertaking this, as well as building up such a reputable archive in such a short amount of time. She's put a damn lot of work into this, and does deserve to be lauded for it.

Emotional justification in a way, or Why I Did It )

For that matter, I'd still point out Scimitar Smile as a place for newbies to fandom looking for fic to go; it's the largest and best-kept and most frequently-updated archive for Fullmetal Alchemist. I don't bear her any ill will or annoyance for this, and there's no need, in my mind, to be nasty over what was, in the end, simply a disagreement of opinion over policies.

Sol, if you're reading this--as I said before, best of luck in everything you work on in the future. I'm sorry about the mess it seems to have caused, but I do congratulate you and admire you for keeping up with so much of fandom output thus far. Thank you for archiving me as long as you did; I'm glad that I was up to your standards. :)

(... in the end, I don't think I'm cut out to be big and flashy anyway. I'm a small person, and I like my small quiet corner. [wry] I write, I edit, I post, I edit some more--and hopefully some people will read it, like it, and let me know. In fandom, it's just as much as interacting with people as it is having my name "out there"--in many ways, it's so much more.)

Meh. I honestly feel bad the whole thing's ballooned as it has, and would rather move on with life--because OMGWTFPACKING and it's already twelve-thirty, so. XD; I guess I'm off~ see y'all when I see you~
Life, oh, life, you greatest of ironies--the week I'm REALLY BUSY OMG SHOOT ME! is the week where headthoughts percolate into something halfway decent to write about. >_> Wow, I'm so out of practice for this. Either way, though, I'm actually curious to see if anyone's got anything else to say about this, or if I'm the only one here (... hopefully there are a FEW of you who'll talk to me outside of fic, yes? XD;;;;;) pondering this. Woobity.

People, and people, and STUFF )

Ladies and gentlmen, fanboys and fangirls, it's time for YET ANOTHER ONE OF TERRA'S FANDOM RANTS! ... or rambles, if we want to be a little nicer about it. XD

(Read: I have my Ochem final in an hour, but this has been kicking around in my head for several weeks now, so I was distracted from studying alkanes and alkenes and alkynes to write this. Mrph.)

Cut for LENGTH, for ANGST, and if you read nothing else, SKIP TO THE BOTTOM AND TAKE THE PEOPLE I'VE PIMPED TO HEART >:E )


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