Feedback rant! Sorta. >_>

[nekokoban]

Ladies and gentlmen, fanboys and fangirls, it's time for YET ANOTHER ONE OF TERRA'S FANDOM RANTS! ... or rambles, if we want to be a little nicer about it. XD

(Read: I have my Ochem final in an hour, but this has been kicking around in my head for several weeks now, so I was distracted from studying alkanes and alkenes and alkynes to write this. Mrph.)

***

So, hm. I wonder if it's just the collective hive mind of fandom that makes these things go in cycles? It seems that I keep hearing either directly (through AIM) or indirectly (through friends' LJs) about the epic-sounding (but really quite mundane) battle for feedback. I mean, it's either me whining about it (and don't listen to people who would tell you otherwise, 'cos I AM whining, but then, I've rarely pretended to be mature or understanding online)--or it's a friend angsting about it, or it's someone entirely unrelated I just happened to stumble upon, throwing a tantrum.

There are people who can post without thinking about it, slogging through the uncaring/unregistering masses and not be affected by the silences. (POST, I note, not CREATE, which is an entirely different thing, 'cos HELL if I'm going to abandon original projects just 'cos I grumble about fanstuff.) Personally, I don't know any of those sorts--because it seems to me that human nature is built upon the need for acceptance. Whatever we are, whatever we do, SOMEWHERE, deep down, we want people to look at what we've done, and say "you did a good job, congratulations." Positive reinforcement at its best and worst--that seems to be what you get, in online fandoms. And that's the best you CAN get, especially in fandoms, where the currency is what you can contribute, whether it's art, fic, downloads, or discussion. In a lot of ways, being online is like a GIGANTIC popularity contest, and wow, in some ways, it's WORSE than high school done over. >_> We have our cliques, our BNFs, our "unheard masses," the "peons," and then the bemused mellow ones who just coast through and are fine with everything--more power to them! :O If I wasn't going to be harukami when I grow up, I'd want to be one of you! :O

In an ocean of sheer crap that streams out daily, there's also a LOT of talented people out there. I'm lucky enough to be friends with a number of them; of the people closest to me, there isn't a SINGLE one I would not brag about nonstop about knowing, or gush over, given the proper opportunity. Most of them are artists, in that weird parallel--Writers Hang Out With Artists, Artists Hang Out With Writers (and, as my roommate points out, I even ROOM with an artist, just as she rooms with a writer *snrk*)--but even so. There are times it boggles me, that they like ME, when it feels like just mentioning talking to one of them is like name-dropping of sorts. [laughs]

At the same time, it saddens me to hear them angst about their own statuses, or if anyone notices them. I've been told I have the same affect on friends when I do the same, myself. :D;;;;;;; (<--brief pause to wibble adoration at They Know Who XD) Because I mean it when I say I like things, and while I'm not STINGY with comments (maybe a bit sparse, but not stingy, at least), I only tend to do the Dumb Fangirl Thing with something I GENUINELY like/appreciate. But at the same time, I'm seeing highly-talented and wonderful people being passed over for the next mediocre writer/artist, and I know for a fact that one person can pet and assure you all they can--but there's STILL that vague sting of rejection, and as previously mentioned, it's high school all over again. You want to be acknowledged without sacrificing your dignity or pride and begging them, Look At Me! I'm HERE! I'm HERE.

I know when it happens to me, I feel rather stupid and petty--in those moments, I start wondering how much of a line separates me from people who write just for the validation and feedback; what makes me so different from them? Yes, I'd like to hear from more people, and I'm not above whining about it, though I try to do that in private, where I don't splooge over everyone. [wry grin] When I'm disappointed and discouraged at the response a fic recieves, how am I ANY better than those teeny-fans on FFnet, who threaten to stop writing if they don't get X amount of comments on their next chapter/fic? >_< More than anything, I want to keep my pride as a writer and NOT sink to that level, but sometimes, it's hard. x_x

Real life always takes a precedent, I know. As a college student now, and with a lot of friends either at the same level or now full-out working, I understand this. There's a lot of times where life comes and kicks us in the ass and while we'd LIKE to be more active with our online people, there's the intrusion of reality, right there. Work, school, socializing outside of the computer--you can't always turn those off or aside, just because you want to. And in the process, things get forgotten, or put aside, or left behind. But then there comes the double-standard--"just 'cos *I* don't say anything doesn't mean *you* can stay silent! speak, bitches, speak!" I haven't seen that at all recently, but I DO recall quite a bit of this earlier in my so-called fandom "career." =_= Teh feedback wank, it mutates and changes over time--like the HIV of online fandom, and now I suspect I've just made a very un-PC joke, so I'm stopping now. :X

It's like ... okay, to use myself as an example: of the people who've friended me, roughly ten-eleven are people I go to school with, HAVE gone to school with, or otherwise know me in person. A handful of others are people I talk to on occasion--not constantly, but I KNOW them, and I consider them actual friends. Three of them are people I talk to pretty much every night, and if anything, I squeebubble at and over them more in person than I ever do in LJ comments. [laughs] But that still leaves a very large population of silence, so I feel vaguely like the street-performing monkey, out there doing tricks to a crowd--but it's gotten to where I recognize faces, and wonder why they keep coming back. Do they like me? Have they forgotten they friended me because I post so infrequently? Or are they secretly laughing behind my back because OMG SHE IS TEH SUCK and keeps us amused with her wankitude? Because I'm *curious*, damnit--I don't care so much about the not-commenting as I wonder about the WHY they friended me in the first place. o_o I've never been popular or good enough in anything to really warrant much attention, so if people are just laughing behind my back, I'd like to be at least *aware* of it, yanno? :D;;

Same goes for those friends I've mentioned--look, BNF or not, I know a lot of them would be grateful for some comment from the people that read/view their work, and however much *I* try to assure them, I can only go so far and do so much, yanno? I check a friend's userinfo and see a bunch of people friended to them, and see them post stuff without hearing a peep from all those people, and you'd think that surely, *surely*, of that huge gigantic list, there'd be MORE PEOPLE who'd be willing to say something, right? Just a brief "hey, I liked it!" or whatever. Real life or not aside, I've seen people who've got workloads that would totally overwhelm me STILL take the time to drop comments if they enjoyed something; it seems unfair to me that they don't get anything back in response. :\ I'm betting a lot of you who may read this are also writers/aritsts of some sort--are you going to tell me that you DON'T get a squeebubbly warm feeling when someone new comments on your stuff? Or when you get a nice comment, or someone tells you, hey, good job! or conversely, offers you some needed advice? Honestly, now.

This isn't really so much a plea for feedback for myself--I'm resigned to just being here, however much I angst on the side. :D;;; You're free to laugh at me, or ignore me as always--but this is me, trying my hardest to blip on the radar for just this one moment--come on, people, if you like something, SAY SO. Here, I'll even throw out names for you to go to, because THEY DESERVE THE LOVE, DAMNIT:

amei - Amei, who's amazing and does stuff with coloring I can't imagine o_o
calintz - Sakkimephi, who *IS* spectacularly good, damnit all, and should have more recogniition for her talents >:E >:E Need her artblog? sakkiarte <--LOOK THERE YOU GO
chirachira - HUGE amount of friends, and only maybe ten percent comment with any regularity; she's astoundingly good, hello~
fyredancer - Tay-neechan, who's writing for One Piece and Prince of Tennis right now, and I'm sure there are SOME people friended to me interested in that >_> Talya Fyredancer, people--if you've ever liked her fic, TELL HER, because it means a lot to her to hear!
harukami - Haru, who's always been a sweet and wonderful person and kicks my ASS as a writer and I want to be her when I grow up.

Please, if my judgement's ever been trusted, go tell them you like their stuff. T_T One voice alone doesn't make up for such long periods of silence--but it means something. It honestly, truly does.

Right, now that I've completely drained myself, last-minute cramming. HAHAHAHA OCHEM YOU ARE SO GOING TO KICK MY ASS, AREN'T YOU YES YOU ARE♥♥♥

Comments

[vikki.livejournal.com]

I am SO GUILTY of this.

Worse yet, I am guilty of this and I expect to be pimped/have people read my fic and reply.

That said - and you may be scared if you wish - when I talk about you, and Meg, and Chira, I talk about all of you as those magical people who wisk through a fandom, bestowing upon it your talent, then pick up and move on and everyone else is just like, Jesus, come back and make this fandom stay good?

And I'm jealous. Let's be honest. I wish I could write as well as you do. So sometimes I read your fic and instead of finding myself wanting to compliment you, I'm sitting there going FUCK! Why am I not the one producing this beauty!? And end up agonizing over it for a while, and I hate, hate getting comments like that myself ('I hate you for writing so well-- *whinewhine*' comments), so I shut up and don't say anything while I stew over it. And then I forget.

And I'm lazy, too - I read it, and I want to leave a post that says how much I liked it, but it sucks to get a 'I liked it!' post without any explanation in some ways - better than nothing, but not by much - so I want to leave thorough commentary about what made the story such a *___* experience for me. But I'm too lazy to bother, so instead, I just move on.

But at the same time I want those replies, too, I want people to see my posts and go, "Hey, that's Vikki's fic, that'll be good!" and go read it, and say at least "I enjoyed it" or something. I should be good and reply to all the comments too, but I'm too lazy to even do that. >___>;;

So, yeah, basically .... yeah. No excuses, right? XD But there's why I am so incredibly guilty.

Sorry for leaving spooge on your comments. >D

That being said, everyone you pimped is someone that makes me squee, and you belong on that list, too. :)

~~Vikki

[halcyonjazz.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAHAHA SEE WAITOTOCHAN?!?!? SEE!!! I AM NOT JUST SPOUTING LIES OUT OF MY ASS ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Sorry Vivichan, for using you blatantly as an example XDDDD ♥♥♥

[nekokoban]

See, I used to be semi-guilty of that, too, and then I kept seeing friends grow tired and discouraged and eventually drop out--and I thought, I don't want this to keep happening. It breaks my heart to see a beloved friend who's a supremely talented writer get so fed up she simply withdraws, and there's nothing more to be heard from her--and frankly, I don't think there's enough GOOD writers out there that we can entirely afford "losing" one, yanno?

I'm terribly lazy; it's only gotten worse since I moved in with my current roommate. (Senpai and I, we feed off each other's laziness and then NOTHING gets done. ph34r the state of our room, man; it's gone to hell. XD) At the same time, it's terribly hypocritical of me, I feel to say "I want people to comment on my stuff!" and then remain silent--even if it's just "[insert characters/pairing here], SQUEE" I will comment. Because sometimes, that's all a person needs to feel better about a fic they write, or a piece they've drawn.

I just want to *hear* from people, whether they hate something I've done or love it. T__T You talk to Chira, right? The dear's heard me whine about this far more than she really ought to--and don't listen to her, 'cos it IS whining and there's no other word for it >_>--about this quite often. The reason I'm active online is not so much for the commenting and the adoration--I want to MEET people and TALK to them, but I rarely find anyone who'll talk BACK to me, and then it's like "... oh, wow, I must really suck that badly, huh? ._."

Very honestly? I will comment to a ficwriter I like on LJ several times, but if I never hear anything back from them? I get annoyed, because frankly--if people are nice enough to write to us, the very least we can do is write them BACK and tell them THANK YOU. Occasionally I get swamped and forget, but I do my hardest to try and tell people thank you, because it sincerely means a *lot* to me to hear from folks. I mean, to use a FMA term, it's just equal trade--none of us are better than anyone else, so even if it's laziness, THEY took time for US, so WE should take time for THEM.

Or so I believe, at any rate. :\ Because sooner or later, it seems, everyone gets fed up of the silence, and we lose one more creative talent. That's what prompted the writing of this rant in the first place, because frankly? How is anyone supposed to know if people did or didn't like her stuff if people don't TELL her? Assumption is the damning thing, because I sure as hell don't ever hear from people outside the circle of immediate friends, and that's often discourging at hell.

... and, eh. >_> This is something I feel rather strongly about, so I'm sorry for wanking back. XD;;; Let's just leave it at that I'm emotional and I suck, and let it go. ^^;;

[halcyonjazz.livejournal.com]

I think I expressed all my views to you over AIM (...*wibbles at you back, btw*) so, yanno, there isn't much more to say >D

Honestly, though, it's nice of you to recc me, but YOU my dear, need more recognition then I could possibly deserve. The fact that I GET comments worries me more than getting none at all XDDDD Even if it's really nice, it still terrifies me. But you know this already XD

Now watch, all your lurkers are going to come out of the woodwork and SHOWER YOU WITH LUUURVE.

....or they BETTER, if they don't want me to fang at them ♥

[nekokoban]

Chirachirarara, luv, that's SO not happening♥;;;;;;; The lurkers are likely just scratching their heads and wondering how the hell nekokoban showed up on their friends list, and the fastest way to get rid of her. XD;;

I think I'm just resigned to never being noticed. :D;;;;;;; And it saddens me, but, eh--what can I do? Other than, yanno, be UTTERLY wanktastic and only show stuff to people I know will comment, but--dude, like I said, wank, and you know I usually try my best to AVOID that. *snrks*

♥

[enishi-sama.livejournal.com]

LOL Your icon makes me cry. ^^; It's like a train wreck... terrifying but you can't look away... *stares blankly*

[ex-saraswath377.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with what you say here, and I have to say I'm guilty of it too sometimes. ^^;; Well, until recently I had a very valid excuse - I hadn't seen any of HagaRen (while I'm here I'll say I love the drabbles you did a couple days ago, and I'm being converted to Roy/Ed ^^;;), and I don't read fics that spoil the end or parts of series for me.

But I would *die* for actual good criticism (I will snark if it's criticism that makes no sense, like some of what I've been getting lately from my tiny baby fandom ^^;;).

I tried to find the Pokemon list again that we were both on so very long ago so I could prove that we know each other, and I couldn't. Booo. All I have left is one of my unfinished shishi fics with a dedication to you at the top. ^^;;

[nekokoban]

Heh. As I've mentioned, I HAVE been guilty of this, too--which is why right now I'm doing my damned best to rectify it. >_> However, it's equally disheartening to not hear anything back from the writer you commented to, so it's a sort of double-edged sword. >_> (Meep, I'm glad you liked them. n_n I sorta felt wow, how's THAT for being entirely passed over? :D;;;)

See, I rarely get criticism other than the "here's the typos you had, otherwise yei"--but when I DO get it, I take it very seriously. Which is why I've glommed onto one of the best for my editor. ([sparkles at harukami)

Heh--I'm sorry I don't remember you properly? :D;;; But hey, you're here now, and so am I, so it doesn't matter in the end♥♥

[calintz.livejournal.com]

Taking a break from psych cramming.

............................. Terra, you have this amazing ability to make me feel utterly loved and extremely ashamed of myself at the same time.

I'm guilty of silence, I'm even guilty of not replying to comments that WERE handed my way - because, well, there are only so many ways of saying Thank You to a stranger who happened to be passing by - and God knows I can turn into the queen of all wankers when this issue comes up. *rubs her eyes tiredly*

Funny how you mention that you're resigned to just being there and yet you go on to ask for feedback on the rest of us, cos I was feeling the exact same way - I've more or less given up on /really/ registering on people's radars (as opposed to the Oh Yeah, That Girl blip that I probably am) and it upsets me that I don't particularly have the power or the resources to get /you/ the recognition that /you/ DAMN WELL deserve. Though, at this point, I'm just too weary (thanks in no small doses to fandom, med school wank /and/ the mess that's my personal life) to really concern myself over issues of whether people care about me or not. (Or, uh, at least, I /should/ be?;;;) It also doesn't particularly help that my supposed ego decided to pack up and leave on an extended vacation since I keep meeting artists who can whip my ass in their /sleep/. *wry grin*

And, y'know, despite the entire "doubting him/herself is the worst thing an author/artist can do" tirade I keep plugging, at some level I know that I keep doubting my own self and somehow I just don't seem to have /control/ over that... You did point out that anyone who displays his/her work in public is, to a certain extent, seeking approval and recognition from peers... and if you think about it, it's funny and just a touch sad that said 'recognition from peers' weighs so heavily on a creative effort that, in the end, technically SHOULD be about /personal/ satisfaction with what you created. It's all the more puzzling on my part cos I know, I /KNOW/ my friends care, I /KNOW/ you guys like the crap I toss up on the sketchblog, and yet... ... ... who knew the 12" gap between your head and your heart is so difficult to close, eh?;;;

... Man, in light of my recent funk, I feel all the more the wanker now. :D; Should get back to studying... and before I scuttle off, thanks so much for the post. Not just cos you plugged the lot of us - the warm fuzzy feeling of knowing someone's watching out for you sure doesn't hurt, for one ^_^ - but cos you keep voicing the thoughts that I have but I'm too afraid to really say, and you write it all so damn well. Damn writerfolk and their ways with language. *laughs and hugs*

[nekokoban]

Wah, wah, wah~~~ [flails] I don't mean to make you feel ashamed! I just felt bad because you've been having the art funk with my writer's funk and I've STILL been angsting at you more than you have at me! I want people to notice you and love you, and if they DO already love you, I want them to SAY SOMETHING already. T_T

I admit, there's a limited vocabulary of thank-yous, but in the light of an e-mail I recieved recently, the girl thanked ME very kindly for replying back to her in the first place. I've heard it happeneing before, people commenting and hearing nothing back, and then getting discouraged--now that I actually USE my LJ to some extent, I figured I should give it a game shot.

If we're gonna talk about woulda/coulda/shoulda, I will note that I was aware of you LONG before I actually met you, and considering I never really was into your old fandoms? That counts for *something*, right? You're not just a blip, dear, seriously. [hugs] Seriously, you need not worry so much about me--*I'll* be fine, horrible Ochem grade aside. (Uh, can you tell that my angsting switched to a Real Life sort of matter today? :D;;;;;)

There's always a sense of doubt, I think, when you put something up for display. Even if we tell ourselves it's okay, we don't REALLY care, what's the most important is the approval of our friends--at the same time, who doesn't want some validation from strangers? There's something inherently NICE about a stranger just with a quick hello, that was cool, because it's not someone who's somewhat biased towards you in the first place--if that makes sense? It's a sure bet most of your friends will like what you put out in the first place--so hearing from a stranger is sort of like, I dunno, present-time, or something. [laughs]

Good luck on your tests, Sakkimephi♥♥ Let's hope yours go a helluva lot better than mine did. U_____U;;;;;; (We'll say I had a hysterical fit about it, and leave it at that, yes. ;;;;;;)

[mllelaurel.livejournal.com]

Awright, here goes! You're dead right, people need to comment more. To speak from the other side of the coin, though, it can also be a bit scary. Especially if the writer is someone whose work you really like. I've been reading your stuff since you were writing Fushigi Yuugi fics. Yah. That's a long time. For years, you've been turning out quality stuff. Needless to say, that's a lot to live up to. A nameless reviewer (ex: me) can feel rather stupid in comparrison. Oftentimes, I feel as though I don't really have anything constructive to say, and feel reluctant to just go all squeally fangirl in public. (Lurker complex? Moi?)

Anyway, I'm not sure if the above was coherent at all. But I will try to comment more in the future (both on your writing, and that of others). Just promise you'll keep on writing, 'cause your stuff is all kinds of rawk! ^_^

[nekokoban]

Heh. See, that's the thing--I HAVE been on both sides of the coin, and I've SPOKEN to people on both sides, which is perhaps why I feel so strongly about it now. It's scary, sure--but I consider how happy it makes ME, and then I want to try and share the love, because I'm big on that. XD

... egads, you've read my FY stuff? I think I'm embarrassed, ahhh~~ XD;; But seriously, I've made a point of saying, several times (more in my regular blog than this one, I admit) that I love meeting and talking to new people--I just don't know how to get people to stop being scared of me. u_u I'm not intimidating at all, I promsie! Scatterbrained, dumb, and prone to weird moments of emotionalism/contemplation, but not scary, I've always thought.

At least in my case? Please don't underestimate the fact that just a "hey, nice!" can really help at least in the "this is why I'm still posting" way--however wanky and selfish that sounds. >_>;; It's good to know I HAVE an audience, even if it's just a brief echo of "oh, I noticed it!" that I hear.

And, uh, hee. ♥ Thank you~ I doubt I'll ever stop writing, when I've held onto it for so long; I hope I never disappoint! ^_^

[enishi-sama.livejournal.com]

Well, I friended ya cause I'm a longtime fan of your fics (waaaay back to the YYH and GW days) And I skulk around your LJ waiting for fic snippets... although I'm horribly lazy so I can't say I've commented on many of 'em. ^^;; My bad. I can say that I totally admire your talent and I've never read a fic of yours that I didn't like! XD

[nekokoban]

[blinks] All these people appearing out of the woodwork from my past--man, where were you guys when I was angsting before? XD;;;;;;

And, thank you for responding♥ That's one more person on my flist that I can place as to a reason, which means that's one less person who's laughing at how I'm OMG TEH SUCK in the background. XD I hope you'll continue reading, and please, if you DID like anything, on my journal OR anyone else's, just a small note is always appreciated♥ Seriously, now~ ♥

[beckymarie.livejournal.com]

This is something I see coming up a lot--the BNFs or really good authors of any given fandom don't get a lot of feedback and it's not that they're whining for it, it's just that it's discouraging. There are a lot of reasons that people don't do it (being lazy or not knowing what to say, etc.) and I admit that I'm just as guilty as nearly anyone else.

My thing is that a lot of people, to be honest, scare the living daylights out of me. They're perfectly nice and friendly, but I'll click onto a story to read or a pretty piece of art to view and I'll see all these really intelligent comments from the author's/artist's that genuinely engage the person, get them thinking, and this fantastic discussion will come of it. (Not always, but enough times.)

And that kind of scares me a little because I can't think of anything that well-thought out or insightful or funny to say. (Some people want to be great writers/artists? Some people want to be loved? Wahhhhh, I just want to be funny, dammit! XD) Because I just ramble in the corner and look like those fangirls that are one step above "OMG Plz rite moer cuz u'r so awsome!" (Or, worse yet, who think they're making an interesting point and really are just bland, inane, and boring in their comments.)

And I think I use tomomichi as a bit of a crutch for this sometimes--because I honestly like giving feedback, but I'm scared as hell that I'm going to sound like a squee'ing, babbling fangirl and the artist/author is going to go, "..... o_O WTF?" in their heads when I try to feedback them. So if I stick to my own litle corner, I can relax and just be as fangirly/silly as I want and not have to worry that I'm freaking the artist/author out or that I must! impress! them! with! my! genius! observations!

Perhaps not the greatest excuse/reason, but there you go. ^_~

[nekokoban]

Haru brought this up, in her own LJ's thread of discussion on this, but--it's like, ninty percent of the the reading population ASSUME that so-called BNFs are getting comments and love from everyone else, and so say nothing--thus, only ten percent of comments come in to people, and ... well. You get the wank you've seen today. >_> <_<;; And, see, I've HEARD the "intimidation" factor many times before; I get that, too. The first time I saw Coyote on the FMA Comm? I nearly flipped out and died, 'cos OMG I REMEMBER HER NOW SHE'S IN THE SAME FANDOM AS I AM I GET THE OPPORTUNITY TO WIBBLE AT HER. And you know what? She turned out be a really friendly, awesome person--same with Haru, same with Tay-neechan, in fact. Vikki commented that I seem to know all the "good people," and I meant what I said back--it's that the good people will TALK to each other, but it doesn't mean they aren't open to hearing and being friends with others--lookit, they like ME, after all. XD;;; [dodges deathglares from Chira&hearts;] Comments, I think, do not ALWAYS have to be indepth or meaningful or say a whole lot. It's always NICER when they are, sure; they're just that much more ego-stroking and affection. But me, I personally never underestimate the "wow, that was nice"--because sometimes, it can be the impetus and extra bright spot to make a fancreator a bit happier about what they've done. I don't hold with those ficwriters who only write FOR the comments, but I can't disagree that it's really, really, *really* nice to get them. I AM a squeebubbly loudmouthed fangirl. Catch me on AIM right after an episode of whatever series I'm watching has aired, and I will do random things like shriek and snarl and gnaw and bang my fingers uselessly against the keyboard--and that ain't ANY coherent language, yo. [grins] I don't need to be impressed--show me friendliness and SOME modicrum of intelligence (i.e., if I ran your text through the "12 Year Old AOLer" filter, it would be signifigantly changed), and I'll be all for talking, man. Seriously&hearts; I'm not that scary, really I'm not! T_T

[harukami]

Oh god, I'm having such a bad day right now, so if my response is Way Too Brief, that's why. I so need a distraction right now, though. [bangs head gently into the wall]

This... is something I've bitched about before, naturally, and sort of... gave up on. I remember when writing for the admittedly miniscule Vagrant Story fandom, how I got, like, 4 comments on a fic I was SO proud of, and right above me, there was an anachronistic Mary Sue that's one of the worst I've seen, with 48 comments. I remember a certain man who wrote florid, purple prose that was so bad it was actually FUNNY ("I do not think that word means what you think it means") and yet had HUNDREDS of comments and fangirls out his ass.

I have several theories - maybe medoicre fiction is easier to comment on than good or even great fiction, because it's less daunting. Maybe it's because some people play to a crowd, doing what they want rather than what's GOOD.

Heck, in this case, maybe it's even that the fandom's still small.

I want to say that I'm immune to feeling any upset over it, as I DID give up,b ut I'm not. When I posted that FMA fic the other day - well, you were there while I waited online in the hopes of seeing some comments. I even looked at the hagane comm and thought, 'So many people are on this! And in this fandom, and being elitist and so not going for the meeeediocre or baaaad fanfic! Maybe I have a chance!' And, well, I can't say I did too badly - 6 comments, only 3 of which were from people already on my friendslist, and 4 of which were from people who hadn't commented before! I shouldn't feel upset over only getting six, especially six such NICE ones, but that's an ego thing, really. XD;; Ah, well. Someday I'll truly get over it.

But I agree, we shouldn't have to. You, too... you write SUCH fantastic fanfic, with such careful planning, you deserve more comments.

Which is why I'ma gonna go over to LJ and plug you there now, m'kay? <3

[nekokoban]

[LOTSOFHUGS!] Sorry I couldn't come online tonight--I ended up marathoning FMA 1-18 with friends, and now it's almost five a.m. and I need to SLEEP, but I had a vaguely rough day myself, so I'm too restless to really try. >_>;;;

Yeah, I remember you talking about the VS fandom, especially--in fact, I even remember you bitching about that particular situation/fic. [grins] (Why can my memory supply me with THAT, and not the formulas/reagents/whatnot I needed for today's final, I continue to be grouchy over. XD;;;) And it *is* discouraging, and I *know* you're a fabulous wonderful writer, which is why you're one of the people I pimped. :p 'Cos damnit, now that we're actually in the same fandom at the same time, I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU'RE THERE! >_>

The thing is, FMA fandom *isn't* small, not when you consider its relative newness--I took the fm_alchemist off my flist not JUST because of the wank, but because of the ENORMOUS influx of daily posts I couldn't keep up with. Seriously, it was amazingly BUSY, even from when I first joined. So I know the people are THERE, but that doesn't change the fact that they are, truly, quite stingy about the love. :p

And, hey, you got comments out of two people on hagaren I'd never seen really comment much on--does that count for anything? [wry grin] Seriously, maybe it does boil down to laziness, or a sense of competition--but man, I think that fic deserved MORE than just six comments, especially how beautifully you wrote the interaction between Hughes and Roy♥

Erm. Haruluff, you're far too kind to me♥ I appreciate the pimpage, and will respond to your own post tomorrow, after I've gotten decent SLEEP--if I don't catch you on AIM first♥

[the-tower.livejournal.com]

You remember me, hopefully, because I'm always teasing you about your Xena and Hercules fic days I talk to you sometimes on AIM and occasionally (but definitely not often enough) comment on your stuff. I'd like to respond to everything you've mentioned, but I'd probably go on forever then, so I'll just give you my point of view on this.

I can see where you're getting at, because I've definitely seen/read stuff that later I wonder why more people didn't respond to, given how popular/well-known someone is. But here's where RL rears its head.

While being active in fandom is a nice thing, and you definitely make friends or find some really talented people through this medium, real life ultimately takes precedence, imo, and sometimes you just don't have the time or the energy to look for or get to know people online that you'll probaby never meet in RL. One thing that holds true for me is that usually, when I've read or seen something really fabulous, I comment or not based on whether I have anything coherent/constructive to say, as well as how many other people I think is going to comment as well. I tend not to comment when I think that a lot of other people will, unless I have something really important to say. Taking your blogs for example, I'm guilty of having not commented on any of your fics for a really long time, and I'm also guilty of not having visited your other blog on a regular basis (but I'm trying to rectify that), but it's not because I don't care or I didn't think your fics were good or any such nonsense. There're a variety of reasons that I, or anyone else, might not give feedback, one of which is that I don't feel that my reply would get any more interesting than a "That was really GOOD!! OMG <3 <3 <3" which you'd inevitably get from someone else anyway. It's probably also an need for attention on the feedbacker's part, then, to want to be remembered for a certain witty comment, or a constructive criticism, to be distinguished from the masses in general by the person they're praising.

At this point I feel like I could be getting into something really deep, but unfortunately I have to stop, because like I said before, RL does take precedence, and I have two tests to study for ^^;; But next time I'm on AIM, we should definitely talk.

[nekokoban]

Sure I remember you! ^^ (Oh, god, noooooo, let's not keep bringing those up again, they're BURIED AND GONE AND GOOD RIDDANCE XD;;;;).

I *do* understand the precedence RL takes over everything, and certainly that's made it a lot harder for me to keep up with online stuff--especially with classes AND friends who'll call me up on a whim and say Let's Hang Out! :D :D :D and then it turns into something of like eight-plus hours and we're STILL yakking away strong. XD;;; I *understand*, really, I do.

The problem, I think, is that a LOT of people will *assume* something will get lots of comments/replies--but in all honesty? That's usually not the case. I've seen some truly wonderful fic get only four to six comments, and while that may be a lot for some, these are stories I feel deserve a LOT more--because the author was *that good* and should know that her readership extends a far amount. The OMG LURVE response actually doesn't happen as often as people seem to think, especially if I'm actually as well-known as Chirachirarara keeps saying I am ;;;;;;;; 'Cos I know *I* certainly don't see it much; I can't say anything for others, but just on a hunch. ^^;

And, eep, good luck on your tests! :O You know my SN; whenever you've got the time, look me up♥ My spring break is this coming week, so hopefully I'll be on more than usual. ^^

[sakurazuka-jae.livejournal.com]

It's often hard to post comments or conversation at first, especially when you don't know the person involved and are terrified that someone whose writing (or art) you love will think you're a moron. This is especially true when you are new to a fandom and might not be quite so up on events as everyone else is.

On an unrelated note to my former comment, I think most people wonder who the hell all these people on your friends list are, and why they friended you in the first place.

Losing ability to communicate... going now.

[nekokoban]

Honestly? The only way I can think someone is a moron is if

A: they show me arrogance that has swelled beyond the capacity of a single human to contain (while that may be entertaining at times in characters, even THEN I tend to get fed up easily)

or B: they type like they've taken their speech and run it through the "12 Year Old AOLer" filter--twice. Heh. XD

It just sort of makes me sad, because then I wonder--am I just scary? Do I just suck? Why are there all these people staring at me, and where did they come from? What do they want? XD;;; Newbies, oldbies, *I* don't care; I'm not exactly the most scintillating and interesting of people, myself. I just like to talk, and hear other people talk back. ^^

And hell, I suppose it's true everyone's flist is bigger than they understand, but--sometimes, it's good to hear, yanno? [wry]

[ashoka.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm in an internet cafe in New Orleans taking a break because it's really hot! *fans self* And I thought you deserved a quick comment, because OH MY GOD DO YOU DESERVE IT.

I know how you feel about not getting comments... it *does* get depressing feeling like you're shouting into the darkness. I know people are there reading, but when they never say anything, it's sort of like a slap in the face. I deeply appreciate those who *do* comment, especially someone like you who is so talented and so uber-big name--I was like, Wow, she reads my shit? I'm one of those people who believes that a symbiosis should exist: you don't get something out of nothing, if someone writes something you like I think it *is* polite to comment on it. But. On the other hand, I don't want to be too grabby.

Basically, it sucks not to be noticed, and it sucks browsing through crap that gets more reviews than I ever will. It makes me wonder how good, truly, I am--and makes me depressed over how hard I have to work and how far I have still to go. And I am dumping all my woes into this comment, now.

But you're not whiny. Not at all. You're saying stuff that should be said.

I should go now because I think I'm up to $10, but, um, hm, what was I saying? A big WORD, basically. Never think you don't deserve the love. Never think that you are less talented than anyone in your fandoms, because I've admired you for a while--and I tend to think I'm pretty picky. XD

[halcyonjazz.livejournal.com]

.....hehehehehehee.

Waitotochan, you were saying? >3

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I've been wondering about etiquette on lj comments myself. I always answer fan-emails (may take me some time, but I'd feel terribly rude not to at least let them know I got 'em) But ff.net reviews aren't as easy to reply to, and I've been thinking of lj comments as somewhere betwixt and between...I respond when there's something to respond to, open a dialogue, but I tend not to answer the "liked it! w00! bye~" sort. It doesn't mean I don't like getting them, but cluttering up the comments page with thanks just seems...I dunno. I know I like getting response myself if I give feedback, but it's not that important to me; with the comments publically posted I can be fairly sure the creator saw it, which is the key thing.

I suspect a lot of people who don't reply to things aren't 'net publishers themselves - I never e'ed a LoC before I posted my first fic, and realized how great it is to get them. They honestly don't think their opinion would matter, and it's hard to understand how empty the internet can feel unless you've experienced that particular feedback silence.

I also think, in your case, Terra-chan, you might be dealing with a bit of, hmm, hero worship? Quite the opposite of sucking - you're a talented writer, who's been in a lot of fandoms, and that makes you somewhat intimidating, especially to those who have read you for a long time. That's one of the explanations I've come up with why some of the most talented get less feedback than the average creators - it's not that they're not producing crowd-pleasing stuff, it's that they're not perceived as a fellow fan, but as an Artist, who would sniff disdainfully at a peon's squee~ing.
In my experience, most fangirls squee themselves, however talented they may be, and most creators enjoy squeeing over their creations as much or more than honest criticism, but...

...and, er, what's BNF? total fen ignorance, here.

[halcyonjazz.livejournal.com]

Preach it sistah

BNF = Big Name Fan

[pyro-rebel.livejournal.com]

Oh, what the hell, I'll comment, too.

I don't know if you remember me; we emailed a little in the heyday of the GB fandom, and I loved jabbering away in your blog. Then the anime ended, Nanowrimo and real life ate me, and I feel bad because I was meeting all these awesome people, then just disappeared.

I do still read your journal on occasion, and that of a few other people, but I guess I have an inferiority complex AND a time complex. ^_^;; First it's the whole "Well, I want to say something intelligent, and I want to email them or AIM with them so they don't think I'm an idiotic fangirl" train of thought. Then it's the "But I try to get to know them, I know I'm not going to have time to continue talking to them." As it is my fandom life is restricted pretty much to the #gb channel.

So, I know I should pipe up more, but it's hard. When I only have so much free time, generally I'll direct that time and energy to people I know in real life who I know outside our circle get no feedback.

Also, being one of those people who posts comfortably in a vacuum, this is how I view things: I know people read my stuff, and when I get comments that always makes me grin like a moron. XD;; But once I post a story, my brain automatically stops thinking of it as a story. Instead I think of as a stepping stone, a bar, a challenge that next time I have to rise above. It makes the silence a little easier, since my mental drive to improve takes precedence over popularity.

All that said, I will make more of an effort to feedback people. *flexes arm muscles in determination* Just need to get over that stupid online shyness first. :) And, uh, actually have a current fandom I care about. I am watching FMA and loving it like mad. Loving it so much, in fact, that I am staying far away from all fen work. It's like Vagrant Story to me -- all I want is the canon in all its perfection. ^_^

[nekokoban]

[grins] Comments are just as equally welcome in discussion as on fic, and maybe moreso, because on a topic like this, it's really quite interesting to see what other people have to say. ^^ And yanno, I *do* remember you; I sort of figured real life ate you when you dropped out of sight. ^^

Hell, I seriously *can* relate to the inferiority and time complexes, but I figure--if I can stay calm and not fallall over myself, they can't dislike me THAT much, right? >_> <_< Certainly, there always different situations involved, and a general blanket statement can't fit to everyone--I know that. ^^; In my experience, it IS easier to give feedback to your friends, because you've already got some idea of how they'll react to what you say, and you can give them a little happy boost, which is always nice to do for a friend. It's not so much the need for popularity, I think, that always drives a writer/artist to snark or pine for more commentary; because you know, sometimes, it does take another person's perspective or commentary to validate that yes, you HAVE improved, even if only a slight degree--sort of like the kid who grows taller every day, but you don't *notice* because you SEE them every day. I don't doubt that a lot of the people I know would continue to write/draw/whatever even without the validation of getting comments--but, it's a *nice* push. It's an indication, or so we like to think, that we ARE moving in the right direction, towards improvement. I'd be just as happy with someone telling me "here the flow is awkward" as I would be with an "OMG SQUEE." ^_^ And I'm glad you're loving FMA. XD Normally, this would be a series where the canon fills in everything I want to see--but mainly, right now? I want to see Ed and Al *happy*, and I want to see them whole and restored and just BETTER, which isn't going to be happening for a long time. T_T

Feedback

[arionchan.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm not on your friends list, though your LJ is in my favorites file and I've sent you fan mail on occasion, and I think I might have been on the shi shi list, though I never actually posted fic since I was just getting into writing back then. Umm. I can't speak for others, but the major reason I tend not to feedback as often as I would like isn't so much because I'm lazy (though I am) or because I'm too busy, but more because I worry you guys are. I mean, the sheer volume of writing you've turned out over the last... Umm... *counts on fingers* six years I've been following your writing amazes me. Same with the other (And I hate to use this term, but) 'big name' authors I follow. (Coyo, Talya Firedancer, Madam Hydra, Theria, Te, and many many others ^_^) I mean, I've been working on the same project for _three years_. Admittedly it's a fairly _big_ project, but never the less.
I suppose I always thought that you guys were already laboring over filled in-boxes of all the people who were rightly showering you with adulation and I didn't want to add to your work load. Not to mention after reading your guy's LJs I have to say you all seem to have much busier and more hectic RL situations that I do. ^_^
However, since the recent flashfire of feedback debate across my favorite author's LJ's has proven my thoughts incorrect, I shall try and make a point of dropping a line in and squeeing at you all more often when you post. ^_^

Re: Feedback

[nekokoban]

... dude, I'm still vaguely boggled that there are people trickling from my old fandoms, period. [laughs] Hi, nice to meet you♥

I can't speak much for other people, but while I *am* busy, I still often have the free time to get online and bum around with people. (The worst and craziest ideas come between three to four a.m. [gazeup] No, I'm not speaking from experience at *all*.)

[laughs] I actually don't feel that prolific at all; compared to Tay and Coyo, I'm just sort of puttering around, playing in a sandbox too big for me. ^^; And honestly, I have to admit that I *do* sometimes get too swamped to reply to stuff--but it's ALWAYS real life stuff, and never anything that happens related to fandom. Seriously, as I said, I can't speak for others, but as for *me*, I think I get maybe one or two e-mails every two-three months. The overflowing e-mail box is due to random spam, not people I know. XD;;

I appreciate you saying something now, at least; it's honestly a very nice thing to hear. :3 So thank you, and I hope I don't end up disappointing&heards;

[ex-naye320.livejournal.com]

...so late. ^^;;;

This actually takes a lot of effort to post, because I've got all these feelings about how stupid it is to jump into a discussion already 60 posts long, and how everything intelligent's already been said. But, well.

Yes, I think shyness has a lot to do with - well, at least me. There's no real reason for it (but then again it's not like people in RL will bite your nose off if you talk to them, but I've been known to cower in fear rather than get help in stores), it's just there. And annoyingly enough, a lot of times it makes me think that unless I have something really, really smart to say, I should just shut up. This includes feedback, even though I try to allow myself to just gush if I liked something enough to make me gush. Shouldn't really matter how I formulate that.

So, I am still stalking your blog (because it's a fun place to stalk! <3), I'm just being very lurky about it. ^^;;; As for FMA, it's just like Petronia said - loving the canon so much I'm not actively looking for fic or anything else on the subject. Enjoying the hell out of every single new episode, and craving the next one NOW, though. ^__^ It's just that good, haven't seen anything quite like it for a long time... Wow.

[nekokoban]

Hey, better late than never! ^^ Seriously, I'm vaguely boggled myself at the response people have had to this post thus far, and it's *nice* to get other input, even if it comes in a little after the main rush.

I've said it before, but--people who actually know me have a hard time believing I'm shy, but I *am*, and that is the crux of my interacting with people. I get embarrassed, I get flustered, and even if that doesn't show throw in ordinary words on a screen, it's the main reason where, if I'm commenting on stuff by someone I don't know, I babble for a short stream of time and flee.

I'm glad you're still sticking around♥ Though likely I'll be into FMA stuff for a long time. XD;;; Terra, she wants the Elric brothers to get a BREAK once in a while, and wants fanstuff to see it happen, since canon is rather stingy about those moments. [gazeup] But, yeah--I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't been impressed the hell out of by FMA, and I'm sure that'll remain that way for a while♥♥♥