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Lotus
941 words
spoilers for Alma Karma
+++++
She dies on a Sunday at the end of a long and rainy week, where the dirt has all been churned up into mud. The winter snows have finally given way to warmer weather, though it is too late to do much good for the people of this small town; there has been famine and there have been deaths, and in the wake of that is the Earl's long shadow.
She dies because she is the last one left of her squad and she is the only one left to hold the doors of the church. Her fingers are raw and bleeding where her Innocence has burned the top layer of skin away and she can hardly breathe for her cracked ribs--nor see for the blood in her eyes. In her ears, through the damaged earpiece, she can hear General Yeager telling her to wait, just wait, help will be there soon if she can just hold on. Behind her, the young boy who will become the Order's newest Exorcist is still crying into his sister's arms; before her, there seems to be an endless sea of Level Two AKUMA mindlessly battering away at the barrier she has set up. She is so tired.
She dies when the barrier finally cracks and an AKUMA's hand smashes through and catches her by the throat before she can think to react, so tired that it is nearly a relief to be swept off her feet, so aching that she hardly feels the way her head snaps back, or how the thin breath in her chest rattles to a trickle. The AKUMA shakes her like a child might a ragdoll and jeers at her weakness and the fragility of her pitiful human body. There is rain on her face and it helps to clear away some of the blood--but all she can see is red-stained world.
She dies as the General and his small team arrive, when the AKUMA's own dying convulsion drives its claws deep into her chest, cracking the rest of her ribs and crushing her lungs into wet pulp. On her lips is a name she no longer has the breath to voice, but in her mind it echoes as loudly as a shout.
She dies.
+++
(it was argued, by those in charge of monitoring the children of the second exorcist project, how and what to name this newest subject batch. most were in favor of entirely different names, as it would further dissociate the second exorcist from the life it had already shed, and thus increase their viability period. previous attempts had proven that as soon as a second exorcist remembered its past, its ability to synchronize with its former innocence exponentially decreased. while none had reached the level of fallen, there had been several cases where the process was forced into early termination. by giving the subjects entirely different names, surely this would help distance those memories indefinitely.
but no, says director chang, and her word is what is final. give them one name as a talisman. they were human once before they became our soldiers. keep one and change the other.)
+++
They know this place from Yuu's memories, one of a dozen little fragments that had spilled in with the Noah's interference, though what it is, other than somewhere still and quiet, they do not know. They are waiting with Yuu, wrapped in the arms of the one person they have always loved best in this rotten world, and they pretend, in these eternal seconds, that Yuu's arms are warm as they are gentle, that his hair smells clean and is soft against their cheek. They are so very tired. All those years kept in the Order's glass jar have been full of strange dreams and worse realities (he remembers the stitches that pulled him back together; she remembers the icy-cold sharp pain of the Dark Matter sinking into her; they remember the alien careless fingers of the Noah shuffling through their memories to bring the worst of them to light) with no respite. It's been so long.
They know what is going to happen. Each second is its own small eternity of waiting. Yuu's breath is slowing and steadying, and even through the hate and the fury of the Order's betrayal they can only look at him with love. All their years apart haven't been kind to him, either; this they can see now, pressed close to him. It is a pity, they think, that they can no longer feel anything; she would like to feel Yuu's heartbeat one last time, and he would like to experience it at all. There's just no time: the Dark Matter inside of them is restless and hungry, burning itself out; in just a little more, it will consume them in a vain attempt to preserve itself. It's all right, they're both ready. He takes her hand, and they walk together.
They know that there is no going back--no matter what the Earl offers, he will not be able to call them back this time, and nothing the Order might do with magic and science, will put them back together again after this. They watch as the Dark Matter rears up, nearly beautiful in its absolute blackness (like the mud that a lotus-flower emerges from, perfect and delicate, the darkness to which that flower will someday return), and they say, together, "I love you, Yuu," because that is the first and last and greatest truth of their lives, and in the last moment, just as everything goes black forever, they hear him say:
"I know."
941 words
spoilers for Alma Karma
+++++
She dies on a Sunday at the end of a long and rainy week, where the dirt has all been churned up into mud. The winter snows have finally given way to warmer weather, though it is too late to do much good for the people of this small town; there has been famine and there have been deaths, and in the wake of that is the Earl's long shadow.
She dies because she is the last one left of her squad and she is the only one left to hold the doors of the church. Her fingers are raw and bleeding where her Innocence has burned the top layer of skin away and she can hardly breathe for her cracked ribs--nor see for the blood in her eyes. In her ears, through the damaged earpiece, she can hear General Yeager telling her to wait, just wait, help will be there soon if she can just hold on. Behind her, the young boy who will become the Order's newest Exorcist is still crying into his sister's arms; before her, there seems to be an endless sea of Level Two AKUMA mindlessly battering away at the barrier she has set up. She is so tired.
She dies when the barrier finally cracks and an AKUMA's hand smashes through and catches her by the throat before she can think to react, so tired that it is nearly a relief to be swept off her feet, so aching that she hardly feels the way her head snaps back, or how the thin breath in her chest rattles to a trickle. The AKUMA shakes her like a child might a ragdoll and jeers at her weakness and the fragility of her pitiful human body. There is rain on her face and it helps to clear away some of the blood--but all she can see is red-stained world.
She dies as the General and his small team arrive, when the AKUMA's own dying convulsion drives its claws deep into her chest, cracking the rest of her ribs and crushing her lungs into wet pulp. On her lips is a name she no longer has the breath to voice, but in her mind it echoes as loudly as a shout.
She dies.
+++
(it was argued, by those in charge of monitoring the children of the second exorcist project, how and what to name this newest subject batch. most were in favor of entirely different names, as it would further dissociate the second exorcist from the life it had already shed, and thus increase their viability period. previous attempts had proven that as soon as a second exorcist remembered its past, its ability to synchronize with its former innocence exponentially decreased. while none had reached the level of fallen, there had been several cases where the process was forced into early termination. by giving the subjects entirely different names, surely this would help distance those memories indefinitely.
but no, says director chang, and her word is what is final. give them one name as a talisman. they were human once before they became our soldiers. keep one and change the other.)
+++
They know this place from Yuu's memories, one of a dozen little fragments that had spilled in with the Noah's interference, though what it is, other than somewhere still and quiet, they do not know. They are waiting with Yuu, wrapped in the arms of the one person they have always loved best in this rotten world, and they pretend, in these eternal seconds, that Yuu's arms are warm as they are gentle, that his hair smells clean and is soft against their cheek. They are so very tired. All those years kept in the Order's glass jar have been full of strange dreams and worse realities (he remembers the stitches that pulled him back together; she remembers the icy-cold sharp pain of the Dark Matter sinking into her; they remember the alien careless fingers of the Noah shuffling through their memories to bring the worst of them to light) with no respite. It's been so long.
They know what is going to happen. Each second is its own small eternity of waiting. Yuu's breath is slowing and steadying, and even through the hate and the fury of the Order's betrayal they can only look at him with love. All their years apart haven't been kind to him, either; this they can see now, pressed close to him. It is a pity, they think, that they can no longer feel anything; she would like to feel Yuu's heartbeat one last time, and he would like to experience it at all. There's just no time: the Dark Matter inside of them is restless and hungry, burning itself out; in just a little more, it will consume them in a vain attempt to preserve itself. It's all right, they're both ready. He takes her hand, and they walk together.
They know that there is no going back--no matter what the Earl offers, he will not be able to call them back this time, and nothing the Order might do with magic and science, will put them back together again after this. They watch as the Dark Matter rears up, nearly beautiful in its absolute blackness (like the mud that a lotus-flower emerges from, perfect and delicate, the darkness to which that flower will someday return), and they say, together, "I love you, Yuu," because that is the first and last and greatest truth of their lives, and in the last moment, just as everything goes black forever, they hear him say:
"I know."
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But sob. Seriously. AMAZING. THE ENDING DEFINITELY DOES JUSTICE TO WHAT YOU HAD, it's . . . perfect, and it makes me feel so much for Alma and her and yeah characters I had no attachment to in the manga but I. ;;
THIS IS BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN AND HEART-WRENCHING.
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but thank you, and also for letting me whine about this and my trials about finding an ending for this. ♥♥♥
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Now I am just like :( forever.
Thank you for reading! ♥
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Thank you for writing this!
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