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[ROLLS AROUND]
Uwahhhhh time for some self-indulgent navel-gazing of the RP variety. People who are fed up with this particular hobby of mine or have no interest are totally encouraged to skip this cut, as it's a lot of me repeating myself and kind of whining in circles. |D I will not fool myself in thinking everyone will, but for those who do, I -- apologize. I hope you will be patient with me.
Okay, so. I am a defensive person. I always have been, even when I know I shouldn't be and I don't want to be -- because mainly, I am terrified of being an inconvenience/a bother/annoying to people. I know, I know, THEN WHY AM I ON THE INTERNET. The good outbalances the bad in that aspect. I don't want to step on toes, though if I have to be direct and honest, I will. But I will also try to avoid that, as long as I can, simply because -- I don't want other people to stop doing something they enjoy just for one person (me).
The problem then arises when the reverse happens to me. Soundbite history is that I play Hakuren Oak from 07-Ghost (a priest) over at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
campfuckudie, who is currently involved in a relationship with Devit of D.Gray-man, and ... well! LET'S TALK ABOUT POLAR OPPOSITES OF GOALS AND VALUES GUYS, I THINK WE KNOW IT. And I will not deny that some of the crits I have received are legitimate questions -- I have tried to answer these as best as I can, but I'm not nearly as eloquent or verbose as ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
enough_space is; I always forget and leave things out of essays when I try to write them, and THEN I forget to go back and edit them in.
ON THE ONE HAND, we had a negative-ish (along the lines of "I am so tired of these two :|") secret made about us ... last month? Ish. At which point we tried to scale back things -- while there were some very nice people who came to our defense, there were some issues that could be addressed! For my part, I tried to cut back on threads Hakuren had with Devit, and on how much he even actually mentioned it to ... anyone who didn't already know about it. Looking at my collected thread list, I think I achieved that -- but. This month we recieved several more along the lines of "why is this even happening" and this makes me ... kind of sad, really. Hakuren is my favorite character of his canon, and I don't want to be playing him OOC; during play, all of his developments felt like the natural progression of what he'd do/what he'd think when faced with a situation. It didn't go the way I expected, and now it's this.
Part of me worries. Did I just do this because I wanted to on some level, did I twist him ooc for that? I don't really feel like I did; I know we both argued against shipping them for a long time, and finally just ... gave up on it, because that's what the characters seemed headed for anyway.
And again, part of me is selfishly defensive/worried -- I'm having a lot of fun playing the pairing. It is totally a blast and been actually good for the character, imo: it's expanding his narrow worldview, it's giving him someone OTHER than Teito to focus/worry about, and he's actually made a lot of friends/been protected indirectly by this. A-at the same time, I ... don't want to become one of those "oh god, not them again" things; I don't want to be making the game UNfun for anyone else! Because that totally defeats the point of pretendy fun games in a group -- everyone is supposed to enjoy themselves! If someone (or a group of people, as it seems to be) are unhappy ... what then? I'd be uncomfortable to find a whole mass of seething playerbase irritation behind our backs.
This is because, selfishly, I don't want to break this pairing up -- it is fun and interesting for me, and Devit-mun is a hilariously fun person to chat with/dork around about our characters with; it has been and continues to be a blast. But I don't want to take away that fun from others -- so. Where is the balance? Is there a balance? What is my happy medium, and where do I get there and stay there?
... fwah fwah fwah.
Uwahhhhh time for some self-indulgent navel-gazing of the RP variety. People who are fed up with this particular hobby of mine or have no interest are totally encouraged to skip this cut, as it's a lot of me repeating myself and kind of whining in circles. |D I will not fool myself in thinking everyone will, but for those who do, I -- apologize. I hope you will be patient with me.
Okay, so. I am a defensive person. I always have been, even when I know I shouldn't be and I don't want to be -- because mainly, I am terrified of being an inconvenience/a bother/annoying to people. I know, I know, THEN WHY AM I ON THE INTERNET. The good outbalances the bad in that aspect. I don't want to step on toes, though if I have to be direct and honest, I will. But I will also try to avoid that, as long as I can, simply because -- I don't want other people to stop doing something they enjoy just for one person (me).
The problem then arises when the reverse happens to me. Soundbite history is that I play Hakuren Oak from 07-Ghost (a priest) over at
campfuckudie, who is currently involved in a relationship with Devit of D.Gray-man, and ... well! LET'S TALK ABOUT POLAR OPPOSITES OF GOALS AND VALUES GUYS, I THINK WE KNOW IT. And I will not deny that some of the crits I have received are legitimate questions -- I have tried to answer these as best as I can, but I'm not nearly as eloquent or verbose as enough_space is; I always forget and leave things out of essays when I try to write them, and THEN I forget to go back and edit them in.ON THE ONE HAND, we had a negative-ish (along the lines of "I am so tired of these two :|") secret made about us ... last month? Ish. At which point we tried to scale back things -- while there were some very nice people who came to our defense, there were some issues that could be addressed! For my part, I tried to cut back on threads Hakuren had with Devit, and on how much he even actually mentioned it to ... anyone who didn't already know about it. Looking at my collected thread list, I think I achieved that -- but. This month we recieved several more along the lines of "why is this even happening" and this makes me ... kind of sad, really. Hakuren is my favorite character of his canon, and I don't want to be playing him OOC; during play, all of his developments felt like the natural progression of what he'd do/what he'd think when faced with a situation. It didn't go the way I expected, and now it's this.
Part of me worries. Did I just do this because I wanted to on some level, did I twist him ooc for that? I don't really feel like I did; I know we both argued against shipping them for a long time, and finally just ... gave up on it, because that's what the characters seemed headed for anyway.
And again, part of me is selfishly defensive/worried -- I'm having a lot of fun playing the pairing. It is totally a blast and been actually good for the character, imo: it's expanding his narrow worldview, it's giving him someone OTHER than Teito to focus/worry about, and he's actually made a lot of friends/been protected indirectly by this. A-at the same time, I ... don't want to become one of those "oh god, not them again" things; I don't want to be making the game UNfun for anyone else! Because that totally defeats the point of pretendy fun games in a group -- everyone is supposed to enjoy themselves! If someone (or a group of people, as it seems to be) are unhappy ... what then? I'd be uncomfortable to find a whole mass of seething playerbase irritation behind our backs.
This is because, selfishly, I don't want to break this pairing up -- it is fun and interesting for me, and Devit-mun is a hilariously fun person to chat with/dork around about our characters with; it has been and continues to be a blast. But I don't want to take away that fun from others -- so. Where is the balance? Is there a balance? What is my happy medium, and where do I get there and stay there?
... fwah fwah fwah.
From:
no subject
From:
no subject
*hugs* If you're comfortable with the answers you gave, then with this anon that's all you can do. Don't fret about it, at least.
From:
no subject
I feel like my answers explained my motives, at least. Haha, the rest will remain to be seen. :(b
From:
no subject
:)d ♥