nekokoban

I was going to post a letter to my body, informing it about how yes, I realize that we're finally over our month of horrible stress and running around and now we can relax a little, but that is not an excuse to suddenly crap out and get sick--but then I got derailed.

Because somewhere in the world there is someone named Sparky Oliphant.

And that's amazing.

... well, I cut it down some. Thirteen is doable, right?
I feel like I should pick up one more or drop one, for the sake of superstition. :x

( For my own reference, springkink prompts )

Okay so! What I had been doing forrrrr ... a few months now, was skipping lunch so I could leave work early. It was nice! I liked it! But I finally got called on it, so after today, I have to go back to actually taking my lunch. Which is sad because I can eat in fifteen minutes and be done. Sigh. This has given me cause to start looking at my schedule again, and try to faff around with what I can do with it.

( Numbersssssss )

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh weekends, why are you so short! [rolls around]

So I have a monstrous sore throat and the general blahs, which I attribute to the weather being as craptastic as it is. I do, however, also have one coworker (JS) who is ... let's say that he's extraordinarily negative. At one point, another coworker (JP) was having jaw problems, and JS asked him that, if there was no way around the pain and if it continued to be chronic, would JP kill himself. To stop the pain in his jaw.

I. I don't think this is okay?! And I have pointed this out to him numerous times--but. I think JS is just kind of gleeful in his overtly negative attitude towards everything; today, I have been coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose a lot, and even though I said, "it's probably just the weather," he proceeds to ask me if I think it's toxic mold. And when I stare at him, just kind of "..." he goes on to try and explain it to me and I'm like. No. No. It's not always the worst-case scenario, JS. Sometimes it is! But sometimes it isn't! Imagine! \o/

... that's a tangent.

So, thanks to jeva_chan and being a terrible person over the weekend--which has put me in the right mindset!--I have been listening to "Hitobashira Alice" pretty much nonstop, and I keep thinking this would make an awesome story. Or a game. It's one of those things I will file away along with the hyakumonogatari kaidan game, but I think it could be kind of amazing. Create Wonderland, but realize it will be a direct reflection of your actions. Ahhhh, I want to be cool enough to pull this off. ;^; The thing I have discovered about myself is that tabletop games are entertaining and all, but every time I have tried playing, I find that ... I keep thinking about what it'd be like to GM, instead! But having not really played, and not being familiar with any systems, this is kind of a problem. :'( But if there is one thing I have learned, playing at CFUD and running traumaposts, is that I. Really really like throwing things at people and watching them flip out and try to react. Is this so bad! The weekend was amazing for me in that aspect. :x

Sob. O-oh well.

BACK TO WORK.

I could be really depressing and doom and gloom about certain things (which basically you'd only know about if you know me irl and have heard me bring it up/are my roommate and listened to me spazz on the phone at my parents for the better part of an hour, hahaha. I COULD. But Doom hasn't happened yet, I have alternatives I can look into ... and really, I'm okay. I am also just a worrier with a tendency towards the paranoid who bottles it in -- I AM TRYING TO BE BETTER ABOUT THAT. HENCE THE CALL TO MY PARENTS. (Sometimes I worry that my mom misses me more than she says, because she gets very :( if we don't talk at least twice a week, even if it's only five minutes where I confirm that I am still, in fact, alive, but at the same time she is apparently making friends with ladies in the neighborhood! THEY HAVE A GARDENING CLUB GUYS, i-it's so cute. She was bragging about her lettuces and her lemons and telling me how she gave them to people and got stuff back and. ♥)

Instead I will note (in a kind of orz what) way about how my recent back problems have taken what should be a ten-minute walk to something like twenty, and that's just sad. It's less my back now and more my hips, which I had been warned about, but sheesh. I am entirely too young to be this old. :'( I bought one of those back pillow thingits at Walgreens the other day, and it seems to be helping! Especially when I lean back. I think this office chair was designed for someone taller, because it leans back a lot farther than I like and if I sit properly for back posture my toes pretty much just touch the ground.

Or I could gripe about how the (writing) force is still not with me, and this grieves me terrible. :\ I KEEP TRYING. I KEEP ... NOT MAKING IT. I have a word document that's full of linebreaks and two-line stand-alone paragraphs that make very little sense. I have fantastic images but nothing that connects them together. It saddens me. I DID MANAGE TO FINISH A STORY FOR imaginarybeasts and I signed up for Yuletide s-so I am taking some heart from that.

... I should write my Yuletide author letter ... I'll do that this weekend.

Also, I like this song more than I really should. It's all -- not really my normal thing (I heard it described as militant-sounding? it fits), but it's been stuck in my head for going on two weeks now, so hopefully someone else will share my pain.

Uhhhh, what else. Man, why am I so boring. I guess if anyone wants me to love on them, they should comment on this post! And because I'm bad at keeping up with this meme on my flist, you can tell me if you love me, too.

OR DON'T LOVE ME, IN INTEREST OF ALL FAIRNESS man, I give up on interesting, I'm going and getting lunch.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH new computer at work is SHINY AND STUFF but where did all my work-related bookmarks go ;o; also trying to remember how to set it up the dual monitors the way I liked them ;o;

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I only remember the password for my LJ and NOT MY EMAIL. \o/

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I feel like crap (damn you, weather changes! why must you hurt me so!) and only came in so I could GET said new computer

AHHHHHHHHHHHH when did it suddenly get cold! It's ridiculous, living where I do, but the first day it gets really cold it's like my body shuts down. EFF YOU, WORLD, it says. SOB, I say.

BUT!

My manager is awesome and understanding and is letting me bow out early today so I can go home and faceplant for a few extra hours. If I don't fall asleep on the bus and miss my stop.

That said, I've finished the three tasks I did pick up three, that's so sad, that's like NOTHING, I usually average anywhere from sixteen to twenty ;o; and now I am going to DRAG MYSELF OFF. AND SLEEP. AND FIGURE OUT THIS WHOLE PASSWORD FIASCO.

\o/

... You know what I miss?

I miss writing. I haven't done it in a while -- a combination of being busy, being tired, and being generally ... scatterbrained. Also, been reading a crapton of BL manga, which I swear is like really bad candy in that it's fun and I don't want to stop, but it's like brain cells are dying slowly, one by one. I had to drop my springkink prompts (THOUGH I AM DETERMINED TO WRITE THEM! ... SOMEDAY), which grieves me, and at this rate I don't even know if I can get my Y_C piece out, but ... man, this sucks. I MISS WRITING, GUYS. :(

Does anyone feel like helping me out with prompts? ADMITTED BIAS TOWARDS CERTAIN FANDOMS but. Like.

Give me a character/pairing and a line from a song [context not necessary] and I will write something.

I just want to get back to it, guys, plz help. :(

Ever had one of those mornings (or afternoons, such as it may be) where you wake up after like five-six hours of sleep tops and feel fairly good even so (despite a sore throat, *&#(#&)*$#KDJFL weather changes >P) and you just want to write random porn?

...

... or maybe that's just me ...

...

SOMEONE GIVE ME SOMETHING TO WRITE, I AM FEELING IT BUT AM TOO [INSERT ADJECTIVE HERE] TO THINK. :(

orz sotired. But in a sort of manic way; I can still yell HAMSTRING! when coworker G walks by and hisses KATANA LEGS at me.

I woke up once this morning listening to it rain steadily (and the fact that it was loud enough for me to hear means it was raining harder than it normally does in Seattle), and I kept thinking: I am warm and comfortable in bed, please don't let my alarm go off in like two minutes and send me out there.

Thankfully, it cleared up by the time I had to get up, because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off and it was clear and quiet outside, like the world had taken a huge breath and was holding it in. Less poetically, my sleep-addled brain was pleased that it wasn't raining because I don't actually own an umbrella. I keep trying and it keeps failing, so I've just. Sort of given up on the idea. Sometimes I regret it, but normally it's good! And now that I've said it, I am going to be caught in a torrential downpour either tonight or tomorrow.

Work is at another lull, so theoretically I should be working on any number of things. (PEE ESS VIKKI AZY I GOT YOUR PHONE CALL B-BUT I FAIL AT CALLBACKS because I was struck with a sudden bout of conscience about using the company phone lines for a personal phone call. I fail, I'm sorry. :x) But I am also so tired that instead I am sort of ... staring at the screen and writing this post, but it feels all very stream-of-consciousness to me, and that takes no effort whatsoever. I have this incredible capacity to just talk about nothing at all for hours on end, especially to a so-called captive audience. (Hello, flist!)

Honestly, it feels like I'm slacking from working on stuff, even when my project list is relatively light. Other than one promised fic and the yaoi_challenge signup, all I have is Super-Awesome Secret Project with harukami (product placement? what's that?) What's it say about me that I feel a little guilty for not posting fic more often than I have been this month? IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T HAVE IDEAS, I just ... have this peculiar sort of writer's block in which the ideas are there, but the words that accompany them are kind of ... stilted and stiff and without any particular flair or flavor to them. I keep hoping for a new revolution, but maybe the words taste burnt because I'm tired. (I really try to get sleep, I do! I just really prefer staying up late and then sleeping in, rather than early-to-bed/early-to-rise.)

... relatedly, my interests these days seem to be a) questionable het of several varieties, b) dorky bl, c) the cool bits that have no context. DAMNIT.

In other news, I have awesome ideas for my lunch tomorrow. I HOPE THEY WORK OUT. :(b

... there's apparently fic of Ban raping Ginji existing in this wide world of fandom.

Not even doujinshi, but, like. Fic of Ban raping Ginji. Everyone knows that Ban's the weepy uke anyway?!

Guys, why have I been in fandom 10+ years and this still surprises me.

SOB.

... in other news, I am totally failing at replying to comments or flist entries these past few weeks, both ficposts and otherwise. I'M REALLY SORRY! I promise I will do my best to catch up THIS WEEKEND. T_____Tb

AND NOW WE RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY-SCHEDULED ... LIFE. THING. STUFF.